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50 San Francisco, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 35–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Has a kid

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I've been in San Francisco since 1996, when I moved here from Buffalo, NY. But I'm originally from South Carolina, where I lived until 23. People leave Buffalo all the time, but they don't leave SC very often, unless to live in NC or Georgia.

It's taken me a while to find my station. I delayed the search by spending ten years in college and grad school, then came here and hung out, listlessly, on the periphery of the tech world. Sick of that, I did a stint in retail and sold stuff on eBay. In the course of things, I found I'd done enough therapy that I could reasonably aspire to be a therapist. And now I am.

Becoming a dad, being a dad - nothing has been more beneficial or influential. It took me a long while to feel ready for that.

I cannot speak so enthusiastically about being a husband, however. Probably not game for that again. But I can imagine being partnered-up, in some fashion, one of these days. Between now and then ... well, it's some other version of myself that could comfortably check the "casual sex" or "non-monogamous" boxes. I'd like to meet a woman who makes me want more.

Full disclosure: I am in the middle of an amicable divorce, on track to be finalized in the first half of 2015.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm very good at my work but am still building a practice. That's a big focus. Being a dad is bigger still. I'm tempted to say that the question of what I do with my free time is very nearly hypothetical. But the reality is that, while I have some very hectic days, I have a great life, with time for myself and others.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Shutting up or not, depending.
Fending for myself.
Building things that solve absurdly specific problems.
Accumulating and applying knowledge.
Keeping an open mind.
Knowing when good enough is good enough.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Does "first" mean "in the initial moments of meeting me"? Maybe, but I'm assuming not necessarily. I mean, some people might not notice anything in particular about me until there's an occasion to notice something. And so, a mix of the immediate and not-so-immediate:

My good nature (which certainly has its limits). My openness. My confidence in situations that provoke anxiety in most people. My humor, which tends towards the self-deprecating (and also, um, the scatological). My smarts. My sideburns. The fact that I almost always wear sneakers.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Giants baseball, on TV/radio or in person. Samuel Beckett. Freud and friends. Horror movies. WG Sebald. Paul Bowles. Lars von Trier. Raymond Chandler. Most anything with Robert Mitchum or Viggo Mortensen. David Cronenberg. Words With Friends. Rice and beans. Burritos. Peruvian. Steaks. Louis CK. I'll try to say more about him elsewhere.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My son.
My work.
My office.
Pocket t-shirts.
Coffee. (Not a coffee snob, just dependent.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What makes people tick, myself included. Dialectics. The impossible. The most recent Giants game and the next one. What errands can I squeeze in in the occasional one-hour breaks I have in the course of my workdays.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
In bed at a reasonable hour. That's a night I have my son, so this is a bit challenging. I mean, sometimes it's ten o'clock and he is adamant about watching yet another episode of "Dude, You're Screwed" or "River Monsters." Or playing foosball on the table that takes up a ridiculous percentage of my apartment's very limited floorspace.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ok, here's an otherwise blank field where I can talk about Louis CK.

(What, must I first admit something private? OK, under my clothing, I am completely naked. Also, I once had my butt cheek slammed shut in a car door. I am fully recovered, thank you for asking.)

I'm not especially into comedy or standup; I've never gone to a live comedy performance and have no special interest. But somewhere along the way, Louis CK came to my attention, and I was enthralled. Onstage, the guy channels this unique blend of self-loathing and misanthropy. Offstage, he reveals himself as a guy with values who nonetheless contains the misanthropy and self-loathing we see onstage.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
When first filling out this section, I eventually came up with this:

"You agree with the idea that what people want is no simple matter. Which is to say, you accept this confusion in yourself, and in me."

Occasionally, I got messages from women in far-off lands saying, essentially, "What a great way to say it."

Now, I wonder. It is a succinct way of expressing my own ambivalence, and my belief that we don't fully know what we want.

But maybe it's too strong a caveat, insofar as it suggests that I've ruled anything out. That's another kind of certainty, and certainty is the last refuge of scoundrels and ... some other group of people. Also, I think it's actually something other than certainty that is their last refuge. But you get my drift: I'm suspicious of certainty.