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49 M San Francisco, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 35–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Today – 3:38pm
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
A little extra
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has a kid

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I've been in San Francisco since 1996, when I moved here from Buffalo, NY. But I'm originally from South Carolina, where I lived until 23. People leave Buffalo all the time, but they don't leave SC very often.

It's taken me a while to find my station. I delayed the search by spending ten years in college and grad school, then came here and hung out, listlessly, on the periphery of the tech world. Sick of that, I did a stint in retail and sold stuff on eBay. Somewhere along the way, I found I'd done enough therapy that I could reasonably aspire to be a therapist. And now I am.

Becoming a dad, being a dad - nothing has been more beneficial or influential.

I cannot speak so enthusiastically about being a husband, however. Probably not up for that again. Though this could be a passing attitude, I suppose.

Realistically, I'm probably too early in the divorce process to be looking for more than friends. And I do try to be realistic. It's not something I pull off all the time, though, so no absolute statements from me on this score.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm very good at my job but am still establishing myself. That's a big focus. Being a dad is bigger still. At this point, the question of what I do with my free time is very nearly hypothetical. (I'm sure that's an attractive admission!)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Building things that solve absurdly specific problems.

Accumulating and applying knowledge.

Keeping an open mind.


Knowing when good enough is good enough.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
True, I hope:

My good nature (which certainly has its limits). My confidence in situations that provoke anxiety in most people. My humor, which tends towards the self-deprecating (and also, um, the scatological). My smarts. My sideburns.

Not true, I hope:

A peculiar odor. My belly (it precedes me, but by inches, not feet). Food in my teeth. The early signs of hemmorhagic fever.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Giants baseball, on TV or in person. Samuel Beckett. Freud and friends. Horror movies. WG Sebald. Paul Bowles. Lars von Trier. Raymond Chandler. Most anything with Robert Mitchum or Viggo Mortensen. David Cronenberg. Rice and beans. Burritos. Peruvian. Steaks. Louis CK. I'll try to say more about him elsewhere.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My son.
My work.
My office.
Pocket t-shirts.
Coffee. (Not a coffee snob, just dependent.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What makes people tick, myself included. Dialectics. The impossible. The most recent Giants game and the next one. (Update, 7/17: the Giants have been stinking it up for a solid month now. They're still on my mind but not in a good way.)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
In bed at a reasonable hour. That's a night I have my son, so this is a bit challenging. I mean, sometimes it's ten o'clock and he is adamant about watching yet another episode of "Dude, You're Screwed" or "River Monsters." Or playing foosball on the table that takes up a ridiculous percentage of my apartment's very limited floorspace.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ok, here's an otherwise blank field where I can talk about Louis CK. I'm not especially into comedy or standup; I've never gone to a live comedy performance and have no special interest. But somewhere along the way, Louis CK came to my attention, and I was enthralled. Onstage, the guy channels this unique blend of self-loathing and misanthropy. Offstage, he reveals himself as a guy with values who nonetheless contains the misanthropy and self-loathing we see onstage.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You agree with the idea that what people want is no simple matter. Which is to say, you accept this confusion in yourself, and in me.