I was born in a Log Cabin, what is now known as Planet Fitness.
Bred from a drunken Irishman and a young call girl turned actress,
my hopes of making it big in the world seemed to diminish. Until
the age of three when I successfully did open heart surgery on my
Father. At age five I painted three of the best selling finger
paintings in the Wyandotte Street Fair for a combined fifty-seven
dollars. At age ten I gave a man mouth to mouth for a new chance at
life at the Wave Pool, He kissed me. I didn't kiss back. At age
thirteen I invented the Snuggie. At the tender age of fifteen I
pitched a no-hitter for the State Kick Ball Championship. When I
turned twenty I threw a football over my neighbor's head and House.
At age twenty-two I killed Osama Bin Laden with my Bear Hands. The
special Bear Hands I made for striking down world leaders. At age
twenty-three I stopped giving a fuck. At the spry age of 24 I
created an OkCupid account in hopes of selling my body sexually for
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Thermals, The Clash, The Shins, Death Cab for Cutie, Manchester
Orchestra, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, My Morning Jacket, Justice,
MGMT,The sound of a man and a woman making love, Peter, Bjorn and
John, Modest Mouse, Of Montreal, Taking Back Sunday, Hit the
Lights,chatter at a U.A.W hall, Other Lives,Childish Gambino,TV on
the Radio,Alabama Shakes, Fitz and the Tantrums, Kind of like
Spitting, The Avett Brothers, Dr.Dog,Trampled by Turtles,The
Honorary Title, The Violent Femmes.
Garden State, Monty Python, The Vicious Kind, Scooter Girls 3
(Girls on Scooters with wet Cooters), The Mighty Ducks 1,2,and 3,
Pineapple Express, and Kindergarten Cop.
Trailer Park Boys, Louie, Pushing Daisies,Seinfeld.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My Dad's a Gay Boy, but a great open mouth kisser. Don't call him
gay though or he'll fucking drop you!