I am a comedian in New York.

I'm from Louisiana. I moved a bunch as a kid. Wal-Mart is to thank/blame, really. Je parle francais un peut. Je used to speak it a lot better, mais je stopped taking des cours en francais at some point in l'université.

I play guitar and write songs all the time; I love to play music with folks. I have a couple guitars, a bunch of harmonicas, and a ukulele. I'm such a huge Queen fan that I paint my left fingernails black every September 5 for Freddie Mercury's birthday.

I suck at basketball. Learning this killed my childhood dream of not sucking at basketball.

I'm also a stat guy for MLB, and I'm into sports (but I don't care if you are or not--I like other stuff, like, um, Shakespeare).

I'm good with directions. People all over the world call me Magellan; people in Louisiana call me De Soto. I can point you to the Mississippi like, right now. It's over there *points*.

I practice speaking in iambic pentameter in the shower.

Due to my employment situation, I carry around a Blackberry and an iPhone at the same time. Let me tell you that it is quite a challenge to do so and not look like a giant douche.

My idea of a perfect date involves you not saying "I go to Burning Man."

I'm a facebook whore. Friend me. http://www.facebook.com/tootnanny

In case you're a girl jock and you are looking for someone who roots for the same teams as you, here are my teams: LSU, New Orleans Saints, New Orleans Hornets, New York Mets.

Rocking. There simply is nothing else I want to do.

Ok, that is a lie. If I could go through like and do nothing but rock, know that I would. But I'm trying to maintain a lot of little careers so that I don't have to pick just one. In today's economy, why put all your eggs in one basket?

Seeing (I have 20/10 vision, which is almost X-Ray vision), Math, trivia, Scrabble, Scattergories, convincing you that you're not crazy when you're convinced that you are, long-term memory, harmonizing, basketball, keeping in touch with old friends, helping you get from Point A to Point B.

I remember your birthday even after 15 years. Yep, that's the first thing people notice about me.

Books: The Rock Snob*s Dictionary, Jane Eyre, Great Expectations, Cold Sassy Tree, The Once and Future King, The Gospel According to the Son, A Confederacy of Dunces, The Great Gatsby, The Worthy, Ecclesiastes, Pure Drivel

Music (ABC order): .38 Special, Alice Cooper, Allman Brothers, The Animals, Amédé Ardoin, Louis Armstrong, Badly Drawn Boy, The Band, Count Basie, Beach Boys, Beatles, Sydney Bechet, Beck, Jeff Beck, Chuck Berry, Blur, Amedee Breaux, David Bowie, James Brown, Jackson Browne, Buffalo Springfield, The Byrds, The Carter Family, Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Patsy Cline, Leonard Cohen, Cream, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Miles Davis, Dimestore Troubadours, Fats Domino, The Doors, Bob Dylan, Electric Light Orchestra, Firecracker Jazz Band, Marvin Gaye, Woody Guthrie, Hammerfall, Tori Harris, George Harrison, Jimi Hendrix, Herpes Cobra, Buddy Holly, The Impressions, Jackson Hill, Elton John, Robert Johnson, The Judds, Carole King, The Kinks, Led Zeppelin, John Lennon, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard, Jimbo Mathus, Curtis Mayfield, Reba McIntyre, Van Morrison, Mountain, Rich Mullins, Jamie Murphey,Willie Nelson, Nico, Nirvana, Roy Orbison, Ozma, Trey Parker, Pink Floyd, Pixies, Elvis Presley, Queen, Raconteurs, Red Stick Ramblers, The Rentals, Rilo Kiley, Johnny Rivers, Judee Sill, Lindsay Rae Spurlock, Rolling Stones, Rutles, Simon and Garfunkel, Small Faces, Bessie Smith, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Rod Stewart, The Stooges, George Strait, Teenage Fanclub, Them, Thin Lizzy, Traffic, Travelling Wilburys, Conway Twitty, U2, Velvet Underground, Muddy Waters, Katharine Whalen, White Stripes, The Who, Hank Williams, "Weird Al" Yankovic, Yardbirds, Dwight Yoakam, Neil Young, Frank Zappa, Robert Zimmerman

Movies: Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Home for Purim, Coven, A Mighty Wind, Almost Famous, School of Rock, The Pistol, UHF, Alice in Wonderland, Evil Squirrel, Gone With the Wind, Lady and the Tramp, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Slingblade, Silverado, Tombstone, The Man in the Moon, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Life of Brian, The Meaning of Life, Cannibal The Musical, Hamlet 2, In & Out, not Say Anything.

Food: PB&J, Trail Mix, cajun food, Easy-Mac, Raisin Bran, hot sauce on everything

I'm a vegetarian who finds it funny when people make a fuss over it. Here's a secret, ladies: I can eat at any restaurant in the world and not eat meat.

music (also known as the Power of Rock)

my guitar

Tony Chachere's Original Cajun Seasoning, and lots of it

my velvet Elvis

sunflower seeds

Shakespeare's sonnets

people I love, music, anagrams of people's names, where I'll be living in five years, God, people's birthdays, numbers, and why I'm not writing everything down so that future generations can worship me, how we'd arrange the stars on the flag if we added a 51st state.

Stealing my roommate's whiskey. You snooze, you lose, Dosia.

I talk to myself. Man o man, it's embarrassing to get caught. Yikes!

you need to laugh and don't need to borrow money.