***THIS JUST IN*** Not half an hour after I just updated my profile to read as it now does, I received this amazing message from Chad9339:

"hey cutie whats up i like your profile hit me up if you would like to get to know me hope to hear from you soon"

I think this illustrates perfectly who should NOT message me. Obviously he didn't read my profile, and certainly he did not get to the "You Should Message Me If" section.

I'm not interested in meeting anyone. I'm here for the tests. If you have a problem with that, fuck off. Okcupid used to be this really great site called thespark.com. You could look at all sorts of cool things like The Fat Project. I think they are archived here or on the internet somewhere. You should check it out.

I am not single. I have been dating a really wonderful guy for a short time now. For the moment being, I am very happy and I do my best to ensure that this relationship will continue. While of course I cannot see into the future, this means that I am not here to find somebody to date and or fuck. I'm here out of habit, I'm here for the increasingly small number of interesting things this site has available, and I am here for the possibility of friends.

I use myspace a hell of a lot more than this place. If you really are interested in me, I would suggest emailing me and if I find you creative and intriguing, I will write you back and probably ask you to direct our conversations to myspace. It is there that you will be pleased to find detailed and accurate descriptions of me and my interests.

I am a bum. I go to school. I'm in Technical Writing. I do homework a lot. I also drink some times. Pool is great. Writing is fun. I love learning new things.

Writing, Dancing, bartending, entertaining, having fun, listening.

My looks. I am definitely in the good looking half of the spectrum of people.

Donnie Darko, Brokedown Palace, and the Brave Little Toaster, my musical interests vary greatly, however I certainly like alternative music. I love all food except seafood. and I like almost every single book I read except for Kristen Den Hartog's "The Perpetual Ending" because it was slow moving and anti-climactic (although her use of language was very original and descriptive.) Also I love John Donne.

Water, Food, Air, Money, Shelter, Friends

all the little mistakes I make. I'm a perfectionist. I worry way too much. Its unhealthy and it makes me unhappy. I do my best to focus my attention on the positive. It will get easier with time.

Drinking or Writing.

My old response was, "In between my classes at school I always look to see what organization is having a luncheon and then I always go to it and get free food." hmmmm... yeah I like doing new things. Free food, learning something... Good combo.

You going to say something more than, "Hi. How are you?? :)"

Seriously.... if this is how you write to women, no wonder you have turned to a dating site for your emotional and physical needs.

For the intelligent men out there that read my profile and find something interesting to say, I apologize for the blunt bitchiness. I am just getting really sick of all these douchebags that obviously (1) don't read my profile and (2) don't realize I am an intelligent human being that needs more stimulation than a one sentence jabber to catch my interest. You would be amazed at the things that I receive in my inbox. It's kind of ridiculous. I have attempted to make my profile as discouraging as possible to reduce the number of pointless communications that I receive on this site.

If you read my profile and feel a need to respond, please also consider the distance between us. If you don't live in Cache Valley, I'm not really sure why you would want to write to me either. We are kind of cut off from the rest of the world here in little Cache Valley. If you live further away than Brigham, you are probably never going to find a reason to come to Logan. If you are never going to find a reason to come to Logan, we will never be drinking buddies or anything great like that. The distance problem kind of defeats the purpose of making friends, in my opinion. Internet buddies are great but I'd prefer to have a 3D version of the character behind the screen. Nevertheless, if you live far from me and still feel a deep desire to email me, feel free to do so. But only if you have a myspace.

Thanks for sticking it to the end!