Back before the whole internet dating thing took off, a good friend of mine signed up for a video dating service. We lived in different states, and when I came to visit him he told me about how it worked. He went in, they asked him some questions, and he answered them on tape. Then, similar to netflix, they send you a tape with three women's responses, you write down whether or not you're interested and the ladies do the same. If you both say 'yes' they put you in contact with each other. He showed me the most recent tape. After watching it,
I asked "So, they ask everyone the same questions?"
"Yes." he said.
"Dude, that's lame. Those questions really suck. ANYONE would look bad answering those questions. The whole point is to get to know the person a little and decide whether you'd want to get to know them better. Nothing in those questions gives me any clue what these people are about. Could you ditch their questions and record your own?"
"I don't know, I didn't ask."
You should think about going in a re-recording your video."
While he didn't re-record his video, he also never had a single date from the video service, and canceled his membership soon thereafter. (In other news, a few years later he met someone online, got married, and is currently living happily ever after.)

While these questions aren't quite as lame as the ones asked by the video dating service, I don't know how I (or anyone, for that matter) can fit into a few small boxes. Like a good little revolutionary, I'll attempt to fit myself into the little boxes. However, I won't promise not to spill over the sides a bit.

The boring facts: I've never been married, have no kids. I'm looking for a serious committed relationship, marriage, a family, and raising children of my own. More to come later.

Living it, or at least trying to as best I can. Also, thinking about how I can fit descriptions of myself into small boxes.

Fitting descriptions of myself into small boxes? You decide. Let me know how I'm doing.

You know, sometimes I feel that people just don't notice me, period. I know that this is my slight lack-of-self-confidence talking, but sometimes it seems that I'm just an easy person to ignore. I'm often quiet and unassuming. I don't have huge tattoos, a mohawk, or jewelry in my face that could cause physical harm if used towards someone in a directed, decisive manner. I'm usually the quiet one of the bunch, preferring to listen rather than talk, take it all in rather than be the center of attention, be easily amused than get my self-worth from the attention that others pay to me, and say a few well-thought-out things (in a group setting) which mean something rather than prattle on for prattle's sake. I'm usually not the kind of guy that can go up to a woman in a bar and have an easy conversation. Not that I'm not self-confident in myself or that I fear rejection, but because that I just assume that some other a-hole guy has tried this before, and I'd rather not put someone else into an uncomfortable situation of talking to some weird stranger in a bar when all they want to do is sit and drink and be with their friends. I can easily get up in front of a hundred people that i don't care all that much about and talk about some subject of which I am knowledgeable. However, making small talk in front of one person who may or may not want me there...much more difficult.

But, I am not answering the question. The first thing people usually notice about me? I do get occasional complements on my eyes. After that? I have no idea. Some say my sense of humor (strange, dry, odd, intelligent), others say my bald (often, depending on when I last shaved it) head. I imagine the first thing that you are noticing about me is how I describe/fit myself in/into small boxes of text. : - )

LEONARD COHEN!

...more to come...

I seriously considered writing "oxygen, water, food..." for this one, but I'm sure that's been done. Six things that I COULD NEVER do without? I think we come to rely on "things" too much. Some time ago I took a solo cross-country bicycle trip. (OK, it was only half-way across the country, but it was more about the trip than the destination.) During this trip I was often alone for long periods of time. I could go days without talking to anyone, didn't have a cel phone that I could talk on every night, and didn't have text messaging, internet, e-mail, or anything else. I cooked breakfast, rode, looked at things, toured someplace, ate lunch, rode, set up camp, cooked dinner, and slept. I didn't have so many "things". A camera, my bike, stuff to cook with, and a book if there was time for that before it got dark. So, to say that I COULD NEVER do without things is really misleading. I had a friend tell me once that after the apocalypse comes, that he expects me to be the one that survives, living in a cabin in the woods somewhere or something. On occasion, I think he's right.

But, in the spirit of fitting myself into a little box, allow me to answer the question as it was intended. Six things I would PREFER not to do without:
-My old-time close friends. I have a couple AWESOME friends that I've had since middle-school. Even if we have to spend months, or even years apart once we get together it's like we saw each other just last week. They know virtually everything about me, both good and bad, and accept me as such. I occasionally stop and think where I'd be without them, how people get by in life without friends that are so close. Then I start to get depressed and have to stop thinking about that and think about putting myself into little boxes.
-My Milwaukee friends. When I came to Milwaukee, I planned on staying a few years, getting a degree, and leaving. When I got here I knew a grand total of one person (see "old-time close friends" above : ) and given that I'm not always the best at making new friends, figured that I'd live a quiet existence here and move to ... someplace else. Through my work experiences I've met a whole network of friends who, though not without flaws, are great people. If it weren't for my friends (and my job) I would not still be in this state. But, I've lived all over the country and Milwaukee is definitely not a bad place to be, so as long as I'm gainfully employed I'm happy here. While we don't get together every day or even every week, they are entertaining and fun to be around. I can't imagine starting over in a new city and ever finding such a good group of people to be friends with.
-The Internet. Great invention. Allows me to type things about myself in little boxes for people that I do not know to read. I couldn't do my job without it. I would have lost touch with a lot of my friends without it. Besides, it's a series of tubes, like a water slide. How can that not be fun?
-You know, I really wanted to be like everyone else and say "my cel phone". But the more that I think about that, the more I realize that I could SO do without my cel phone. I use it for work. I couldn't do my work without it, but I could certainly live without it aside from work. The more I think about it, the more I realize that when someone calls me on my cel phone, they WANT something. They want me to fix their computer, or want me to join them at a bar. It's nice being able to get hold of people constantly, but we did survive before text messaging and constant communication.
-So I've got three so far, and called in a friend (see "old-time close friends" above : ) to see what his answer to the question would be and if he had any good ideas. The conversation went something like this:
--------------------------
travelnmack: what are six things you could not do without?
travelnmack: i'm filling out a dating profile thing online.
myfriend: just use "sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex."
myfriend: that way there will be no confusion
travelnmack: oh, ok. got it. thanks. that helps a lot. i'm sure that'll draw them in.
myfriend: honesty isn't the best policy?
travelnmack: well, tactful honesty might be a better policy, and digression is the better part of valor, right?
--------------------------
*sigh* Maybe I should scratch that first entry off the list. ; )
Moving on...
-Learning/knowledge/self-improvement - If I had to wake up every morning knowing that there is 'nothing new under the sun' (at least to me) I'm not sure I'd ever get out of bed. Life is an experience. While I don't always have the best memory for details (ie, history dates/events) I do love learning new things. When I had more time I loved to read constantly. Now I've switched to audio books, which isn't quite the same, but I find I like it better than music when I'm doing something that doesn't require a lot of concentration. I love challenges. I'm always up for a challenging game of chess, or visiting a museum, or going to someplace new.
-Beer - OK, I could totally do without this if needed. However, I'd prefer not to, so I'm going to list it here. I like beer. There, I said it. I'm a bit of a beer connoisseur/snob. I'm more about quality than quantity. I love a good IPA. The hoppier the better. It gives my friends and I something to talk about, loosens the tongue a bit, and in general just makes a good social lubricant. I do, on occasion, drink to excess, but not that often and only under controlled circumstances. I don't require a drink to get me through the day, nor do I spend every minute wishing I had a drink. I just like to drink beer on occasion, and would prefer not to do without it, given the choice. I'm willing to drink wine, or mixed drinks, but beer is often the beverage of choice.
-Physical Affection - This should definitely be above 'beer', but I thought I'd put it down here where it might get less attention. First, let me say that then I say "physical affection" I'm not just referring to sex (though sex is included). I believe in moderate PDA. Holding hands, great. Brief kisses in public places, especially on hello/goodbye, awesome. Making out in a theatre during a movie...not so much. I guess I can see that on occasion, but there's a place and a time for everything. I'm not looking for uncommitted sex, sex on the first date, or sex without emotion. I also am not looking for a platonic relationship, or a relationship where all the passion and desire lies with one person, and the other person grudgingly goes along with it from time to time just to keep the other person happy. I believe in passion, and would definitely prefer to not be without it.

Compromise. That's not exactly the right word, but unfortunately it's the best one I can find at the moment. (Luckily, you can change these little boxes on a whim, and I will as soon as I come up with a better word. Feel free to suggest an edit if you can think of one.) You don't get to be my age, single, never married, no kids, if you're willing to settle for "good enough". I've has quite a few long-term relationships. I'm not afraid of commitment, monogamy, or marriage. However, I am afraid of being unhappy, jumping into anything too soon, or being/staying with someone for the wrong reasons.. I've said for years, (and I still believe it)...I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong ones. (OK, it's more 'repeating' than 'saying'...I certainly didn't come up with that on my own.) Along with that, I've always said/repeated that if you're lonely when you're alone, you're not in good company. I also like the Neko Case line "I don't care if tomorrow never comes 'cause I'm holding out for that teenage feeling."

I know there's no one perfect person for you in the world. No one is going to meet your ideal. However, I've had good, healthy relationships in the past and I know what that feels like. I'm not going to settle for anything less than that. (Not that I'm comparing...*sigh*)

This box doesn't match the happy-upbeat tempo I had going... Sorry about that...but I prefer to be honest and I'm trying to answer the question. What do I spent a lot of time thinking about? What am I willing to compromise on. I'd like a family, and ideally children of my own. Am I willing to be with someone who has kids of their own that is interested in having additional children? Yes. For the right person, am I willing to settle for a family with children that are not my own, and who wants no more kids? Possibly. (Still thinking on that one.) Am I willing to settle for not having kids at all? No. Am I willing to settle for a good, but platonic relationship? No. Am I going to be with someone just to keep from spending Friday nights filling out little boxes? Definitely not.

See, and this is just one of the many things I spend a lot of time thinking about. I could write a thesis...but who would read it?

Anyway, I hope this box tell you a little more about me. Now, back to our regularly scheduled sarcasm and levity...

Lately? Fitting myself into little boxes.

I'll expound on this later...but I'll admit that this question, or the most common answer to it, annoys me slightly. The majority of profiles that I've seen say "You'll have to ask me" or "I'm not going to say." It would seem that the point of the question is to determine how much you're willing to admit about yourself to a total stranger. It's not asking THE MOST private thing you have to admit, just the most private thing you're WILLING to admit. Saying "I'm not going to say" tells me nothing about you, other than the fact that you're a closed person. Saying something like "I snore sometimes" or "I'm a bit of a packrat" or "I've been known to occasionally steal the covers" or "I tend to work too much" at least tells me that you're willing to open yourself up a little, even if it's not your most intimate secret. (All of those are true about myself, btw.) I don't know why this annoys me, as very few things really annoy me. See, I just admitted something there too. Few things annoy me. I'm a very easy-going mellow person. Other admissions? While I don't mind washing laundry, I don't like folding it. I also hate doing dishes by hand (I have a dishwasher for that), I tend to stay away from green vegetables, and I can eat the same thing for dinner every night for a week without getting bored, if it's something I like. Need more admissions? Just ask.

I was talking to an old friend from high school, and we got on the subject of dating. I asked her what I should be looking for now that I find myself single again. I can't agree more with her answer: "You need someone who knows how to talk, but also knows how to be quiet, someone who's sweet and loving, and likes to have fun but also like to be just with you... someone who loves you for the person you are, not the person they WANT you to be... someone who doesn't like conflict but loves unconditionally... someone who doesn't hold grudges for the little things you may do that irritates her... and vise versa."

You should message me if you feel you are that 'someone', have an uncontrollable desire to, and can do more than "woo" or "wink" me. While I know you only get 3 a day, "woo" tells me nothing about you other than the fact that you can click on a button. I don't need a book, just a couple sincere sentences that tell me something about you.

You should message me if:
-You are single, looking for a serious relationship
-You are of a healthy weight. I seriously debated putting this one in, but I've tried the BBW-thing, and it's not for me. I'm overweight. I know it. I want to fix it. I'd like to lose about 30 lbs, not only for my attractiveness, but also for my health, well-being, energy level, and various other reasons. Maybe I'm shallow, but consider this....if I was 5'1" tall instead of 6'1", would you even be reading this far down? I know SO many women who won't even CONSIDER dating a man shorter than them yet think spending more time on their hair than their body will make them more attractive to men. I'm not saying that you have to be rail-thin and look like a model, but physical chemistry is important in a relationship. A few extra pounds is fine. Curvy is fine. However, if you weigh more than I do, if we can easily swap clothes and have them fit each other, or if "curvy" turns into "rolls", I fear that I'm not going to be so interested. I'm sorry. I'm a bad person.
-You are at least moderately libidinous.
-You are OK with someone who, on occasion, has an alcoholic drink.
-You're looking for someone who will make you happy, not try to change you, and help you to be a better person.
-You prefer to converse rather than argue.

My life is a bit hectic at the moment. I'm giving myself a little time to be alone, ponder, and enjoy a solitary existence for just a bit. Please don't be offended if I don't get back to you right away. Thank you for reading my little boxes.