Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
1. I used to have a job designing crazy social-media experiences
for movies. However, my boss left, my new boss turned out to be an
indefensible douchecanoe who fired literally one-quarter of the
agency without giving me (director of two whole departments), and I
was left with no choice but to quit so hard that the impact could
be seen from space.
2. My plan was to be giddily unemployed for about six months or so,
but that ended up not working out when I immediately got hired by a
big-time internet company which shall remain nameless to think up
wacky shit they could sell advertisers on doing with their product.
I work incomprehensibly hard but it's hands-down the coolest job
I've ever had.
3. As part of my new job, I got flown to New York for a public
speaking class (I am as inarticulate IRL as I am overly articulate
behind a keyboard). The teacher compared me to "a country lawyer";
I'm pretty sure what he meant to say was "the hyper-chicken lawyer
from Futurama", but diff'rent strokes or whatever. Anyway the class
lasted for literally two hours and then I flew back to LA.
4. I had to go to Comic-Con for the first time. It was basically
the most acutely stressful situation into which I've ever thrust
myself, and I do NOT say that lightly.
5. I went to Joshua Tree and the wind blew so hard that it
literally uprooted the tent I was sleeping in. It had been staked
to the ground and everything; Mother Nature was just huffing and
puffing THAT HARD.
6. I got called for jury duty and got excused by the prosecution
when I started quoting Gerry Spence during voir dire. The whole
process took 3 days from beginning to end, which was just long
enough for me to read Going Clear (aka that book which absolutely
ethers Scientology). What I'm trying to say is that this I have
experienced the best possible outcome of jury duty.
7. I got to DJ again! This doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd
like - getting gigs is hard work for someone so bereft of social
skills that their best opportunity to meet women is on the internet
- but the upside of this is that when I actually DO get the
opportunity to do it I cut loose with a giddy five-hour bender of
playing EVERYTHING I've liked in the last
however-many-months-it's-been-since-last-time. This was one of
those, and it was fun as all hell.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Outsourcing my brain to people who don't understand the semiotics
of the internet. Acquiring records & tapes at a dangerously
rapid pace. Making myself sound like a pretentious jackass in my
online dating profile.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Constructing perspective-realigningly great mix CDs. Deconstructing
algorithms. Inventing adverbs. Bending over backwards to avoid
ending a sentence with a preposition.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Usually that I'm being either inappropriately quiet or quietly
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Collections of essays. Unauthorized biographies and histories.
Exhaustively thorough studies of famous (and preferably singular)
acts of violence. Histories of technology, corruption, and various
forms of pop music. Memoirs in which people explain how and why
they used to like stuff (think Nick Hornby's nonfiction). I read
longform articles more than books these days, though.
I should also cop to preferring to read on my iPad than in an
actual book these days - I realize that that's a dealbreaker for
literate women, and LORD that makes me sad. I just can't get over
how earth-shatteringly convenient it is. I'M SORRY.
Movies with awesome soundtracks. Movies where well-meaning doofuses
prove worthy of women impossibly out of their league. Movies where
characters turn to talk to the camera. Movies with subtitles and
silent movies, but not because they have subtitles or are silent.
Movies with audition scenes (I have never seen a non-entertaining
audition scene). Movies where people who acted like dicks in high
school get owned. Movies which give me an excuse to talk about
editing theory. And The Jerk.
HBO/BBC comedies. HBO/BBC dramas. HBO/BBC documentaries. Not True
Blood or Doctor Who.
Minimalist operas. Epic Norwegian cosmic disco. Rock, pop, and
dance music where pianos are the primary instrument. Pretentious
R&B. Brutally accusatory rap music. Albums pop stars from the
60s made in the 70s after they got ruined by drugs and lost their
audience. Overwhelmingly gentle home-made ambient music. Albums and
songs as famous (or moreso) for their production than their
content. Compilations of incisively specific strains of soul music.
Mixtapes Tom Breihan recommends. And basically anything Captured
Tracks, DFA, Acephale, Italians Do It Better, or Spectrum Spools
puts out (or that Light in the Attic or the Numero Group
Avocados, North Carolina barbecue, hush puppies w/ honey butter,
curry (Japanese and Indian, but not Thai), cheese, McDonalds' hot
mustard dipping sauce (I would literally buy this wholesale if I
could), balsamic vinagrette, egg fried rice, rare steak, Cheerwine,
and animal-style fries. But I'm down for basically anything without
seafood, bananas, or mayonnaise.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
This question is too broad. Also I think we can both agree that
I've already listed enough stuff for one profile.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
the Tommy Westphall universe.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fridays are for resting; Saturdays are for raging.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am stupefyingly good at karaoke. I dominate Stevie Wonder's
"Superstition" so hard that on one occasion it made a woman
literally hurdle a table in order to come sit next to me and on
another basically convinced a major media entity to actually spend
money with my company. Caveat: I have to drink a lot, and I have to
drink it fast.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are kind (the world hasn't been very kind to me overall so it's
still a pretty fresh concept to me).
You are short (I'm a little over 5'8" and I know women like to
stand on their tiptoes when they kiss).
You find the idea of going out dancing at incredibly suspect
underground parties until like six AM alluring.
You like to talk a lot (I am the most awkward initiator of
conversations ever, but I'm REALLY good at paying attention).
You like the idea of a couple sitting in the same room, each
independently consumed their own book/project/whatever while
internally rejoicing in the other's company.
You own a cat, a corgi, or both.
You're attracted to gratitude.
Or if any/all of these don't apply to you but you are awesome
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.