Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


50 M Philadelphia, PA

My Details

Last Online
Apr 14
6′ 5″ (1.96m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from masters program
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), German (Poorly), Other (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Yes, I live in a treehouse. Technically it's an apartment over a garage, surrounded by tall trees and a bit secluded, but to me it's a treehouse. It looks a bit like a doublewide trailer dropped from the sky and landed atop an abandoned courtyard, or maybe a spare cabin from another planet. It's home, and though I try not to identify with it too much, I do anyway. I'm also planning to move back toward civilization in the fall, but the treehouse can also be a state of mind. Or at least that's what I tell myself when I feel like letting the adolescent loyal opposition of my psyche have a playdate with the rest of me.

I am simultaneously enthused and reluctant to jump into the dating pool yet again. My divorce was just finalized in April after a long separation (two years, truly separated for closer to five), with fathering (three, ages 21, 13, and 11) the only thing keeping me in a long dead marriage. On one hand, I fell like I've deprived myself of the joy of connecting with someone for way too long. On the other hand, I don't have the slightest interest in going through the rituals of pretending to be anything other than myself.

(Oh yes, it's so all about me. Riiiight.)

This doesn't even scratch the surface. I pride myself on a long habit of performance poetry, talking in front of groups, writing until I cry - and just to write a simple self description? I'm stumbling with words and the emotions wrapped therein like chocolate bunnies to be saved for the holiday morning or should I bite their luscious ears off right about now? If that makes sense to you, message me right now. If it doesn't make sense to you, don't worry, it doesn't to me either. In either case, the bunnies should be dark chocolate, 60% or better.

Still here? If I haven't frightened you off by now, you're either hopeless or wonderful. Or both. I so hope it's both.

If we wind up deciding to meet, it will either suck or be outstanding. Or maybe just plain boring. After all, I'm a middle aged academic/explorer/weirdo. Right now I'm exploring the possibilities with no expectations other than please be 1) single/permanently separated/available, 2) in possession of a mind and a heart and generally not (too) insane, and 3) not a smoker or a stoner or a junkie. Everything else is wide open.

I am more comfortable with who I am now than I've ever been. If we have a mutual spark, let's play with it; if not, then let's not.
What I’m doing with my life
In general, I am a librarian, college professor, and budding author of both textbooks and slash fiction (thinking about how I can merge the two ... but That Would Be Wrong). I'm pretty dedicated to my teaching habit; I get a severe rush out of teaching my classes and even more of one when my students do well.

I am spending as much time as possible with the kids, which boils down to roughly twice a week on average. I also have a nasty cat habit (both the habit and some of the cats are nasty), and have somehow managed to turn a semi-feral stray into more or less a house cat, even if he is a bit of an asshole (then again, so is his roommate).

I'm in my third year of a yearlong experiment in living without a car. It's part of a larger move to live more sustainably, or possibly that I don't want or need the headache. (Plus, there's always PhillyCarShare.) My goal is to retrofit my living space into something that doesn't depend (so much) on destructive industry or tacky design.

My real drive is in creating. I write a lot - more now than I have in a long time, poetry, prose, and the above-mentioned textbook project. In general I love to make things, whether that's art things or yeastly things (bigass loaves of excellent bread in the cool seasons, tortillas in the warmer months, beer when the weather and yeast can agree on it) or growing tomatoes and peppers and berries. Making Things also leads me to appreciate Things made by others or by themselves - I can stare at art or architecture or landscape or creatures without any goals or purpose, sometimes just being present is enough. Right now I'm channeling some of that into drafting a textbook, and maybe once I've completed that I can finish writing some awful fiction and/or smut. I have been getting out to open readings for about a year and am getting hooked again.

I meditate semi-regularly but haven't been able to sit for very long since my knees decided to act their age. Old sets of movement - my own style of yoga mixed with qigong, adventure walks and weight training - are coming back to me slowly, but every time I dive into them I remember why I'm doing this, and I try not to push too hard. Not yet, anyway - there's a time for moderation and a time for going apeshit. I had to give up regular running several years ago, but we'll see what happens as my walking superpowers gradually restore themselves (possibly never. More likely I'm going to secure a bike that can withstand Philly roadways, seeing as my last one was destroyed by either alien technology or bad potholes.
I’m really good at
Talking to dogs
Listening to cats
Being on stage
Being alone
Climbing hills
Baking bread and tortillas
Growing chiles and basil and catnip
Some things I don't completely understand and can't even describe, despite the first item on this list
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm tall, and my eyes are beautiful. Both true.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I read. A lot. If you asked me my favorite books or authors my response might change by the day or hour. But here's a few authors that regularly float my boat:
Neil Gaiman
Walter Mosley
Neal Stephenson
David Mitchell
Susan Piver
Michael Gruber
Pema Chodron
Barry Eisler
Margaret Atwood
Jalaluddin Rumi, especially as translated and read by Coleman Barks
Lee Child
Christopher Moore
Robert Crais
Ursula K. LeGuin
Richard K. Morgan
Pablo Neruda
Kim Stanley Robinson
Salman Rushdie
Haruki Murakami
Michael Connelly
Anthony Bourdain
Martin Cruz Smith
Norman Mailer

and that's just for starters
(Did I mention that I'm a librarian? I'm a reading addict and not even remotely interested in recovering.)

Movies? I tend to go for ones off the beaten path, often edgy or cerebral or just plain weird, but sometimes escapist flicks are fun too. I'm a sucker for sci-fi and/or noir with deep plots and characters. Serenity. And probably some others I can't think of right now.

I haven't actually been to a movie in longer than I can remember; the ones in my head are more compelling (and failing that, there's netflix).

I generally don't watch television - I don't even own one, because it seems like a useless expense and for me a time waster. I have a slightly addictive/ADD personality and easily get sucked into TV, so I tend to avoid it. But there are a few tv series in my Netflix queue (House of Cards, Breaking Bad, Louie, lotsa Star Trek, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Adult Swim cartoons, currently bingeing on Farscape), I'll admit that. They run along the same lines as what I described for movies.

Music would be another "Too long to list here" category. I grew up on punk rock and John Coltrane, and I like a lot of different types and styles, pretty much everything from Miles Davis to Motorhead to Anoushka Shankar to Flipper to Neil Young to a lot of obscure stuff (and not in a hipster douchebag way; no one's heard of it because to most people it's unlistenable). If it's got soul or heart or just sounds good at the moment, I'll listen. I love streaming websites that start from a familiar seed song or artist and then go off wandering. My current Pandora channels are the Bill Evans Trio, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Afro Celt Sound System, and The Foo Fighters. I might change any or all of those in a heartbeat.

Food? My culinary identity contains multitudes, navigator and explorer and blind idiot food god. Failing that, there's a place around the corner that has amazing Korean chicken wings and terrible music. I have been a professional fry cook, Tandoori dishwasher apprentice, and semi-revolutionary restauranteur. I bake. I was raised by a Southerner who inspired me to learn a fraction of her capabilities, and I tend toward Mexican, Pan-Asian, and I Don't Know What That Is But I'll Try It. If I ever got a tattoo it might read Cook And Destroy.
The six things I could never do without
My library cards
Something to write with/on/in
The bones in my ass that allow me to sit down and shut up now and again
The existence of human females
That voice inside that reminds me to enjoy the ride

The rest is just commentary
I spend a lot of time thinking about
weird stuff, trivial nuances, big pictures, how cool the world would look if we gave permanent markers and cans of spray paint to kindergarteners and drove them around town setting them loose. And so on.
On a typical Friday night I am
(what is this "typical" you speak of...?)

I have a standing date with my kids Friday afternoons, so most often I'll be at home relaxing/unwinding after that, out on the garden/deck if the weather allows or even if it doesn't. Sometimes I'm grading papers or on a Netflix jag or reading meta-post-neo-pulp fiction, or having a staring contest with the cat. It depends. I have even been known to go out on a Friday night, although I generally prefer to do that other nights - I can tolerate crowds, but I generally don't like them.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Is that sometimes I'm scared shitless of the future and willing to step into it anyway. Also, I have Barry White on my alarm clock app playlist.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 45–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
you haven't run away by this point. Really.