Oh Happy Happy, Joy Joy. I get to write about myself so you can read something. Ugh.

Self-summary?

Ha!

Me?

Summarize anything?

Again I exclaim, HA!!

I have never been accused of being laconic at any time that I can recall.

Fair warning! The fact that I am turning my profile into an epic that would make "War & Peace" appear to be a pamphlet you'd find at a Municipal Visitors Bureau confirms a recent IQ test I took here that rated my verbal skills (and, by extension, my writing ability) slightly above average. The length is an indication that I just don't know when enough is enough sometimes.

The good news? Most of the more pertinent stuff is early on in any particular essay.

*Sigh*

Well, at least you've been fairly warned.

While I enjoy talking (I may never be able to shut up), writing about myself is not high on my list of things to do.

Still, nothing ventured ...

OK, enough bitching: I have been struggling with my mortality (yes, yes, I know, who doesn't?) and my fallability (see previous parenthetical for same response). I make mistakes. I make an atrocious number of mistakes. Somehow, I'm still alive despite (in spite?) of all those mistakes. I do my best to be as understanding of others in light of my own marked imperfection. My own self-recognition around being flawed has helped me to remain consistently forgiving and compassionate. I'll tolerate all sorts of mistakes provided that there is corresponding humility and/or good nature behind it all. Then I can smile fondly, roll up my sleeves and pitch in to help make things better.

Become pious or hypocritical to a great degree and you can find yourself in the recent history bin faster than you can say "no, wait".

I do not suffer fools or hypocrites gladly or well.

Now that the grouchy stuff has been revealed, I'm a real creampuff most of the time. I can stand my ground but can be equally content backing off in favor of mutual harmony (though not at the expense of my emotional health or the health of any relationship I'm involved in). I know who I am well enough that, compromising, giving in or being accomodating is not a threat to me. I enjoy pleasing a partner and am often highly affectionate.

Communicating effectively and clearly is an important part of who I am. A symphonically flowing conversation is just a step below breathless foreplay for me. I'm not cerebral at the expense of my feelings and am very forward with what's dancing in my heart at any given moment. I dislike being misunderstood so I make a routinely concerted effort to be clear.

I love deeply and without reservation. I enjoy giving of myself completely and despite the bumps and bruises I've suffered along the way, I remain undeterred in my desire and ability to love and trust.

I have an insatiable appetite for sensuality and physical expressions of intimacy and hope to find someone who is very similarly inclined. Someone who has a strong hunger for love and direct physical and verbal expressions of affection (public or private) sends me.

As a part of a couple, I am seeking an intense, committed relationship marked by complementarity where communication, love and sexual expression thrive in a healthy fashion. I have little trouble losing myself in a consuming relationship that has a transformative quality to it without losing sight of who I am or who you are.

Of particular note is my temperament when I am in a relationship: I am emotionally built for the long haul. In addition to having a fundamentally very intense nature, I am resourceful when problem solving with a partner. I seem to have been gifted with an exceptional capacity to withstand emotionally and mentally trying circumstances that send more superficially inclined people running for the nearest exit. A disagreement with a loved one is not something that shatters my confidence that things will, and usually do, get better with mutual participation and willingness. This virtue has also proved a liability at times but I'm not interested in becoming less patient. As an example, I have been known to bear prior partners' more difficult-to-tolerate tendencies (yes, I have these difficult-to-tolerate tendencies as well) without complaining, even when setting a boundary or speaking up sooner would probably be a good thing, without losing my innate perseverance or underlying optimism. Adversity is not something that can easily cause me to crumble. Basically, when I'm in love, one would have to throw me into a fully blazing industrial incinerator or ask me to leave (only once) in order to get rid of me. Well, that or let communication crumble. Either way is a recipe for composing the obituary to a relationship's end that two people can choose to avoid. It is enough to say that my history is most notable for choosing continuation and not cancellation.

The above mentioned depth/passion doesn't just appear out of nowhere for me. I prefer to take ample time getting to know someone by becoming friends first. However, I should add that if there is an exceptionally intense connection, I'll perceive that quickly and become highly responsive consciously, intellectually and especially emotionally. If it isn't contextually glaring by this point, I find casual anything anathema. Even friendships of mine are either richly layered or non-existent. Casual anything? What's the point?

I see shades of gray. I see many dynamic, mutably blending shades of gray as well as many other colors (metaphorically and actually, my eyesight still works but I'm referring metaphorically) so I find it challenging to cope with someone who approaches life with an "All or Nothing/Black or White" mentality. At great risk of offending such folks, I find such an approach the hallmark of the intellectually lazy and close-minded. You interested in an intense rant? Ask me about people who laud their own "Brutal Honesty" (I'm working on a sharp polemic as a post about this). Having such an oversimplified philosophy sure does tend to self-excuse one from having to reason and consider viewpoints beyond one's own existence. To borrow from Rob Brezny, a good illustration of the point I'm making is the metaphoric difference of staring into mirrors or turning mirrors into windows (special thanks to H. Feather for this insight). I'm something of a ham about catching my reflection in a mirror but I cringe when people I deal with operate in such a manner that this is their zenith in life without self-awareness of the nadir they're standing in. I see exceptions, need for flexibility, compassion and forgiveness. Sure, every so often there is a time and place for such a stark approach but rarely in a relationship (mutually agreed upon boundaries excepted of course). My view is that if there are one or two things that prove difficult in a thriving relationship, it's worth the effort to make things work. Now, way too many things wrong? ... even I have an open mind to reason that as "stop and cut your losses."

As for some material facts:

I was born and raised in San Francisco. Yes, there are still a few of us natives around.

While I love living in San Francisco, I lived in Monte Rio for three years and was completely taken living adjacent to a Redwood Forest. I would jump at the chance to have a place like that, there or someplace similar, again that I can retreat to when the noise and concrete of the Central Bay Area take their inevitable toll on my psyche and I need to regenerate amidst towers of green and majesty.

I am cat/dog furniture. Any part or extremity that provides a comfortable perch is fair game for the felines and canines. To this end, I often wind up with that pins/needles (pinched nerve) sensation after sitting still for a long time to support a sleeping cat/dog on my shoulder, torso or legs. I like watching them sleep.

The majority of my friends are women.

Self examination of my actions, thoughts and feelings is a way of life for me though not something I ask or expect of anyone else. My spirituality is very Zen/Pagan-like. I do not practice any formal ritual and/or religion.

I have two adult children living on their own and one who lives with his mother in Cleveland.

I was once involved in a polyamorous marriage though now I am completely content to be monogamous with the right person. Though I've practiced ethical non-monogamy, I am not pursuing non-monogamy at this time though, with the right person, I'm very open and can readily practice this. In light of the depth I'm seeking in a friend and/or partner, quality is paramount. For example, I would much rather have two close friends than a dozen insignificant acquaintances. I would also rather have one very moving partnership rather than two moderately satisfying relationships.

I am open to whatever arrangement works at any given time, in any prevailing set of circumstances.

I do have a definite idea of what type of relationship/partnership I would like to be involved in which, at this point, is much more an exclusive, monogamous relationship and much less a non-monogamous one. My direct experiences have been that the best way for me to explore any developing relationship is to devote undivided attention to that person/relationship. There are often myriad, ineffable, subtle and ever evolving shades and nuances that I can easily miss if I were to divide my time between partners. Still, the experiences and skills I've developed being Poly have added to an already meaningful foundation I bring to any relationship I approach and become involved in.

I love playing Chess.

I'm the person you invite to a Poker game just so that the table has someone to clean out. My oldest son routinely humiliates me and I shudder to think what my daughter can do to pick me apart; she plays regularly on Sunday nights. For these reasons, I don't really play poker much.

I am not interested in posting a list of every country I've traveled to though the list would be quite short. However, as a matter of what has moved me the most: seeing constellations against a black summer sky on the way to hiking through the Petra, hiking through the Petra itself, wandering the streets of Alexandria after midnight and riding one of the single truck streetcars around afterwards. I regret not having a few games of Chess with the locals despite not knowing more than three words of Arabic. In 1969, I recall being driven out of Managua in a jeep over rough dirt roads along with my mother to stay with my maternal grandparents for a few weeks. It was also memorable for the fact that I didn't speak a word of Spanish. Witnessing the poverty on the outskirts of Cairo consisting of garbage, dead donkeys, and colorless drab housing was another reminder of how fortunate I am to live in this region. In Egypt, the sweltering humidity that felt completely oppressive. Walking around Amman with long hair and having everyone stare at me as a curiosity (and one person deride me in Arabic. I'd love to know what he said). Being scared to visit the West Bank during Intifada 1 and finding that the Dead Sea is too damned salty (it burned areas I didn't think would burn in water) and the roads filled with too many checkpoints. I was most moved to see how much like my father I turned out to be despite not growing up with him. It was one of the most pivotal points in getting to know myself better and I feel that much more whole for the time I spent with him.

I am an Astrologer. It makes no difference to me whether anyone is interested in or indifferent to my practice. I have no interest whatsoever in convincing or converting anyone to my views or positions. If someone is curious, I'll answer every question I can. If no one is curious, this is equally fine. However, in addition to the cool matching algorithms here, I also match astrologically, intuitively and experientially. I do my best to take as many factors as I can into consideration to piece together a big picture. Astrology is a major part of that process for me though by no means the only and/or final consideration. Again, anyone having questions is encouraged to ask. I will do my very best to provide a thorough response to any queries.

I am the Union Shop Steward where I work. In my previous stints as Steward in my previous department, I wouldn't necessarily win every battle I had to undertake but, winning any battle with me usually cost a great deal of time and discussion. It would be safe to say that most people would prefer to have me on their side of any negotiating table and not opposite them. In one of the few outright displays of arrogance you'll ever see out of me, when arguing a particular position (Something I will NOT do in an intimate relationship!), I can easily and quickly dismantle anyone's position while they watch leaving no trace that there ever was a position they might have held.

In an intimate relationship, I don't seek to "win" any disagreement.

What would "winning" accomplish?

Does defeating someone you love deeply in an argument foster more affection and love? Does it grow understanding and cooperation? Does it mitigate frustrations and bring two people together?

Hopefully, you answered "No" to those rhetorical questions.

I make every effort I can to reach understanding and mutual agreement. Yes, I am prone to raising my voice in the heat of the moment but can be reminded once (I only need to be reminded once) to lower my voice. To emphasize this last point, I will not yell, I'll just get carried away and get louder when I'm caught up in an unwelcome disagreement. I do not subscribe to the notion that being louder means proving my point or being correct. I just get louder and require the occasional nudge to speak more softly.

Although I do enjoy a vigorous "argument/disagreement" at very appropriate times and in a very civilized though robust fashion, I find actual discord with a partner to be very unsettling. I often feel that such episodes are the result of some lapse in communication on my part and actively search my memories to find where I've erred.

As a constructive outlet to my more adversarial capabilities, I am fond of lending my analytical/assessment talents, skills and perspective(s) in the service of logistically supporting a partner or close friend fight off injustices for themselves visited by the jerks and idiots we all encounter in life.

Despite a deep appreciation for facets of spirituality, being a practitioner of an ancient craft, a child of the 1960s, a native San Franciscan/Californian and being open to alternatives, a recent conversation reminded me of something; anything with a decidedly "new age" presentation to it will just make me want to wretch and blurt out "Go Fuck Yourself Airhead!".
One important provision needs to be noted here; I am quite open to alternative/organic/natural/"old world" traditional practices/views. Though I might noticeably wince at some new age presentation, I am first and foremost interested in ensuring I've remained open-minded enough to see what I'm being presented with clearly. I do hate jumping to conclusions so much so, that I'll endure even the most flowery, nonsensical speech until I'm clear that it is just nonsense. I just disdain and dismiss "gimmicky" garbage that serves no purpose save to cloud any issue or separate people from their money by sounding profound. Of course, applying decorum and a touch of class means that I'll behave appropriately despite my derisive views of rather obvious perpetrations of fraud. In this respect, I am very much an "old school" native San Franciscan/Capricorn with a low tolerance for superficially clever sounding bullshit.

I am turned on by very intelligent, emotionally assertive, strong women.

I am particularly drawn to highly intuitive, richly emotional, expressive women.

I can be seduced by a prodigious vocabulary that is skillfully and eloquently applied and an obtuse/wide-ranging, sophisticated sense of humor.

If you have/like cats and/or dogs, we're off to a good start.

If you are a fellow musician, in particular a good to excellent singer/vocalist, please write me.

If, in a very rare instance, you are an Astrologer, we need to talk.

Seeing someone very special to me. Reveling at the unexpected flight of the supposedly mismatched. Enjoying being furniture for another human.

As for the part of my life that stands independently of relationships ...

Crashing and burning in a spectacular fireball of fury. Blaze of glory my ass! Just a good old fashioned blaze of destruction. Which way is up again?

For me, 2009 begins October 20, 2008. Unlike the common practice of waiting with optimistic anticipation at the dawn of a new anything (calendar year in this case), I have a damn good idea what to expect and I am not looking forward to what I see.

The damage control effort starts in earnest now.

Step one?

Change my shift. Oh my, what am I getting myself into?

After almost 20 years of working a Swing Shift and being a night owl, I reported to work at 6am, January 24, 2009. 6 Bloody AM!! Sometimes I would go to sleep @ 6am!! Being at work then? Ouch!!

The good news? I'll be able to spend more time playing with my doggies (lovable floppy-eared Labradors that they are)(I need some pictures of me with them). Oh, and I'll be able to get more work done without disturbing the neighbors (which I don't do) or battling darkness. Sunlight indeed.

I'm trying to clear out unnecessary clutter both figuratively and literally.

To this end, 2008 proved to be an unusually tumultuous year for me, even right up to its end. To paraphrase John Lennon "Nobody told me there'd years like these ...". Well, that's not entirely true. I told myself there'd be a year like 2008.

I think I'm going to have to reexamine what it means to be my own Astrologer.

The last time I checked (that would be late April 2008), it looks like I won't have to suffer through too much more self-inflicted hell. Even though 2008 proved to be a rather mean kick in my backside, I'm not exactly salivating during 2009. If what I see pans out, 2008 was most notably characterized by being conflict laden and shoving my own stuff back in face but, 2009 is going to involve a lot of things fracturing. At the moment, very little fracturing. Still half a year left to go. I'd rather have stuff come back to me than watch stuff break but, sometimes things have to shatter in order for growth to continue. Still, doesn't make any of the stuff breaking easy to let go of or the process painless. And don't get me started on 2010 (reminds me of 1993/1994 and I shudder when I recall those years) or I'll never get anything done. I mean, after all, I'll finally get a break by 2011. That's not too far away, is it?

Sure, being my own Astrologer has its advantages but to whom do I express any grievances I might have with what I'm reading for myself? I already appear quite weird to begin with, imagine how much more strange I might appear if I were to be seen arguing with myself as to why I didn't provide a more upbeat interpretation for myself. Imagine how crazy it would look when I eventually tell myself I got what I "paid" for.

I may be crazy, stupid and insane, I'm just not THAT crazy, stupid and/or insane.

20(effing)11. Sheesh.

Whatever happens to be left of me by then will either be sent to the glue factory or unceremoniously chucked into the scrap metal bin.

Well, unless of course I continue to be reclaimed by the double twin wonder (no, not the identical, the symbolic)

I'm also working the rust out of my knuckles (guitarist here) with two very extraordinary musicians. To this end, I've been playing guitar of late as though I were possessed by the Devil who went down to Georgia. I also get to sing but I wouldn't subject anyone beyond my music family to the sound of my voice (I sound like a tortured cow suffering a simultaneous seizure). We are likely looking to build this family so if you enjoy a good ole weekly hootenanny and have a desire to share music, write me.

I can often be found applying hyperbole in generous helpings to any statement where modesty would serve adequately. I do this to keep myself sharpened, amuse friends, myself, anyone listening to me (that would be nobody) and to induce a chuckle or raised eyebrow.

When I can, I enjoy spending time with my offspring and relentlessly pressuring them to reproduce. Hey!, I ain't gettin' no younger and I have an enduring desire to corrupt ... er ... uh ... spend time with the next generation (aka my eventual grandchildren). To their credit, my adult children have already tuned me out completely. After all, why be bothered by some cantankerous old man?

Harumph.

Damned Slacker Children!! Hell, I had two when I was their current age and was on my way to my first divorce! At this rate, they'll never have dysfunctional kids requiring years of therapy!! Cripes!!

All this aside, there's a house to rehabilitate, a few project vehicles lingering, setting up my workshop for the umpteenth time, bettering myself at music and photography and being Zen about being a bump on a log.

Oh, and for some reason, I'm also searching for another mutually cognizant, willing soul to build a partnership and life with.

I enjoy my career a whole lot. I work as a Transit Mechanic for the SFMTA.

Recently, in deep conversations with close friends, I've been going over a retrospective of key points in my life. This has been a winding road of wonder and humility as I remember the kindness of strangers, the compassion of loved ones, the unexpected generosity of friends, and three predictably memorable events. Holding my daughter in my arms when she was an infant and having her fall asleep in my arms. Apparently, that was an uncommon event for others but, she was after all, my daughter. Witnessing the birth of my first son. Witnessing the birth of my second son and finding some amusement in the fact that the hospital staff had to kick start his respiratory system. Apparently, fracturing a collar bone during birth and turning blue from not breathing are not considered good things to do when one leaves the comfort of the womb. Go figure.

I've come to understand the meaning of happiness being most sweet when shared with others.

I've also given Astrological Consulations away as though there were no tomorrow. Why? Because it's fun to do and affords me a chance to remain sharp at my craft. At the rate I'm going, I'm still a couple of years away from resuming professional consultations.

Ultimately, I have been gradually evolving away from elements, facets of myself and structures in my life that have not served my best overall interest since the age of 29. Emily Saliers once wrote "They say that it's never too late but you don't get any younger. Well I better learn how to starve the emptiness and feed the hunger". Between continuing therapy, constant self-examination, feedback from friends and loved ones, and a desire to grow beyond my own self-imposed limitations, I am learning how to starve the emptiness and feed the hunger within my soul.

As with any journey toward discovery, the path to learning begins with these humbling words: I do not know. I may not know but I do want to find out and see as much as I can while keeping the following words at the forefront of my consciousness:

This above all else: To thy known self be true.

I'm really good at something? Wow, if you can figure that out let me know.

Lately, I'm really good at thinking too damned much. Fortunately, this tendency is tempered by a continuing need to progress and evolve toward bettering myself and my circumstances.

Every so often, I will sporadically utter something profound or witty unexpectedly. At those times that I have my words come back to me at a later time, I often pause, dumbfounded. When presented with such a gem, I can barely believe I said it and I usually have to convince myself that it really was me. I get this way as I often edit, rephrase, modify thoughts and words so I see the process that goes into a simple statement I might make. In other words, blurting out something that hits the mark the first time is not too common for me so when it does happen I end up wondering who made that sharp observation. I guess the old synapses still function intermittently. Please don't ask me how. I'm usually the most surprised when those ganglia, dendrites, neurons, and axonal connections work in the first place let alone at all.

I'm especially good at tuning a guitar from completely out of tune to perfectly in tune with itself using no external tuning pitch. I'm usually very close to a tuning fork when I check my work.

In a similarly musical-type fashion, I can sit in rapt attention if someone reads aloud to me or speaks to me in a language other than English. I am very good at soaking in what's being read to me or just marinating myself in the dulcet tones of another language.

I seem to have become really good at changing my mind and editing this profile frequently enough to better convey my thoughts. Unfortunately, my idea of better conveying my thoughts usually means adding more wording as opposed to subtracting passages. Oh well, it's still a work in progress ...

I have a natural tendency toward self-deprecating humor. This would be a source of amusement if most of my somewhat wry statements weren't true.

After some recent feedback, I've found that I'm really, really good at devastating, dead-pan sarcasm heavy on the irony, unexpected reverses and, especially fat with humor.

I will not employ sarcasm as a weapon to hurt anyone or couch criticisms in humor.

If I've felt wronged, I'm very good at diplomatically delivering my concerns in a manner conducive to furthering communication and minimizing conflict.

I'm a very good Astrologer, a gifted conversationalist and, I have the ability to teach reasonably well. As a musician, I can be soulful (love dem blues), polished (after I excise the rust) and humorously perky.

Most importantly, I'm really good at remaining humble (oh, by the way, the irony of lauding one's own ability to be humble is not lost on me. Unfortunately, in the spirit of filling out this particular essay ... well, a bit of self-respect is a small price to pay). I am very quick to admit a mistake whether someone brings this to my attention or I see it for myself. When presented with my own errors, I am quick to validate another's observations and just as quick to apologize if I've troubled someone. I sublimate my pride into my actions/work, I do not direct it into bolstering my ego. I am less likely to become defensive when being approached about mistakes I've made. I am more organically inclined to step forward and (however painfully at times) embrace responsibility for my contributions to any given situation.

I'm really good at forgetting that what I do for a living is a consistent, though light work out. I always feel like a sedentary lump at home because I'm usually spent at the end of my day. Then I go on vacation and my arms turn into wet noodles. Then, I can't wait for my vacation to end so I can get back to work and a regular work out. I also walk a fair amount at work so I'm able to keep up a modest walking pace under a variety of conditions.

Another thing I'm really good at is avoiding the phrase "I work hard and play hard(er)" (cringing noticeably). How did I get so good at avoiding this hell-forged phrase? By loving what I do for a living. I happened upon a print ad for an internet job placement service (I imagine enough folks saw this ad campaign) that stated "Find something you'd do for free then get paid for it". Brilliant. At many points throughtout my life, I've had many different people encourage me to become an attorney. I've never quite felt inclined to do so, so I haven't. Still, one time during a legal consultation, the attorney I was working with encouraged me to become one. After much painful contemplation (have I wasted my life?, could I have been successful?, and more introspection of that type), serving as an alternate juror on a murder trial and, the freak asking-myself-the-right-question-at-the-right-time, I found that I'd want to do what I'm doing now. I repair ("play with" so to speak) antique rail equipment and get paid to do so. So, I play and work at the same time and since I am very willing to put forth considerable effort into what I do, you could say I work/play hard. However, when I'm off work, I can put effort into playing or be peacefully inactive. What I am good at not doing is being a workaholic when I'm off work. Work hard and play hard(er)? Dude! Lighten up! Learn when to stop being active to the point of distraction. What does it say about someone who can't be still when the moment calls for it?

I have become exceptionally good at realizing the more I think I know, the less I actually know.

Lastly, I can knead tired muscles into a soothing gelatinous goo (most people just utter soft moans as they begin to decompress and melt into my fingertips). I suppose it would be fair to say that my massage skills and sense of touch are often described as narcotic.

I don't know. I'm not other people.

I'd like to say that people notice my sharp intellect and other admirable qualities. Unfortunately, most of my better qualities are not quickly conveyed so one would have to spend some time with me to uncover the few gems I have to offer.

It is most likely however, that the first thing people notice is that I talk a whole lot. Thankfully, I can be still and silent in good company without needing to fill up the calm with nervous chatter.

I suspect if I were to ask my close friends that they'd say the first thing they noticed about me was that I appeared to be afflicted with severe symptoms of advanced Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy (variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob for those unfamiliar with the source cause).

A funny thing happened to me back around May 2008 and at curiously repeating intervals to present. I have had people observe that I talk quickly and ask in short order if I had ever taken stimulants/meth. The bad news? I have never taken stimulants, methamphetamine, nor do I consume energy drinks or drink coffee (I like Peppermint tea). I'm just a very enthusiastic conversationalist. I know people who will make the extra effort to keep me from inadvertently becoming caffienated or stimulant altered given what they already experience of my high-output personality.

Of course, I've also been described as pathologically high spirited but how accurate could that possibly be?

Wait!!

Don't answer that!!

I've been complimented on my eyes from time to time.

Oh, and I seem to be universally envied by women for my long eyelashes (it's an Arabic trait).

I don't read much at all which, considering my so-called smarts, is amusing. I do read books about advanced Astrological Concepts, philosophy so Allan Watts, Robert Hand, etc.

I'm not that much of a movie fanatic. It is very common for me to see a very good movie years after it's already been out for the first time. I have a couple of favorites but I'm more of a TV enthusiast. Those that rank highest among my favorite movies are: Strangers With Candy (movie and TV series) Bull Durham (my favorite lines being two 1) "Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days." and, 2) "The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self awareness.") , Deathproof, Clerks, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, Manufacturing Consent, Airplane, Things We Lost in the Fire (bloody brilliant!), Who Framed Roger Rabbit, When Harry Met Sally, Into the Wild, The Corporation and, any Ren & Stimpy short. I enjoy documentaries, comedies, science fiction, action thrillers, cartoons, great scripts/storytelling, films that poignantly portray connecting with one another and, anything by Fellini.

Among television shows, due to a noticeable lack of time this year, my viewing is primarily limited to Adult Swim. I stay as far away from televised "news" or other mainstream media as is practical without straining. I won't go running and screaming if "news" is on, I'm just not jumping for joy and I have to contain my own annoyance when I'm around less critical friends/coworkers (not a major undertaking, just annoying). When I'm not running around like a beheaded chicken, I enjoy The Daily Show & The Colbert Report. I also enjoy watching other programs on Comedy Central. I'm also easygoing about most programs though I am not a fan of "reality" programs, especially stuff like Survivor, Big Brother and other shows of this ilk. Quite frankly, if I want to enjoy the dynamics portrayed on those programs, I'll go into work. At least then I'm being compensated for my time to enjoy a soap opera. Why would anyone want to go to work, complain about backstabbing and other deplorable behavior for 40 hours then go home and watch the SAME THING they just got through complaining about? It is very little wonder to me that President Cheney's administration and his talking wooden dummy George W. were so successful promulgating their deception. When the capacity for critical thought and reasoning has been so thoroughly left for dead in our educational system and our tastes lead us to be entertained by such mindless crap, it is no surprise to me that you can sell almost anyone, anything. Sheesh.

I like a wide variety of music so it depends on my mood. System of a Down, old blues, Michael Hedges, Imani Coppola, The Roches, Viviana Guzman, Bruce Hornsby, Mary-Chapin Carpenter, Elliott Smith, The Beatles, Aimee Mann (all of her work), Indigo Girls, Laura Love (her rendition of Amazing Grace reduced me to tears when I first heard it and still makes me weepy a lot. What an amazing voice this woman was gifted with!), Norah Jones, Foo Fighters, Anita Baker, Joshua Redman, Joe Pass, Faith No More, STP, Tchaikovsky, Debussy, Mussorgsky, Zep, Lucinda Williams, Ella Fitzgerald, Lady Day, Coltrane, Albert & B.B. King, Yes, U2, Coldplay, Sixpence None the Richer, MDC, Dethklok, the list goes on and on.

My favorite food is whatever I'm in the mood for.

Oh, and my cooking motto is "There's no such thing as too much garlic!"

1) My family (including the felines & canines).

2) What's left of my sanity.

3) My 1958 J-200.

4) My imagination.

5) Love.

6) Body-numbing sex.

All kinds of garbage. Remember, I think too damned much. I also recreate music internally so radios/external music sources can sometimes be unwelcome and discordant.

I usually analyze anything and everything until there is nothing left to analyze. Deconstructing any scenario, altering a perspective either slightly or greatly, turning words and inflections inside out and playing things backwards is what I do with my time when I'm at work, at home, conversing or cleaning up. Thankfully, I do enough work that involves little attention so that I can focus my thoughts on a variety of matters. One of the benefits of such extensive contemplation is great consideration about events and words that a lot of people give little thought to. One the curses is that I come across as bloody nuts. I've had close friends slant their heads and give me that questioning look as though to say "you gave THAT this much thought?" For what its worth, I'm not prone to trivial or superficial considerations. I couldn't care less what wealthy celebrities do. Sports is sorta fun but beyond a few thoughts, I've got other more meaningful matters to attend to. I focus on work related matters, my relationships, when I'm in love I keep my partner at the forefront of my thoughts, and I am fond of using my imagination to play music internally and to take flight into scenarios I might never find myself in but want to explore.

I routinely ponder my actions, ways to improve what I do, the myriad possibilities of outcomes (I have a lot of time to think), aspect configurations (higher harmonics in particular), how a song can be changed, the implementations of my ideals and what it will feel like to hold someone's hand again.

Of late, I've been thinking a lot about where that gross of guitar picks I bought 26 years ago is these days. No, seriously, where the *7%4##!! are those darned things?

getting ready for work early Saturday (06:00!! Aiiigggghhh!!).

Well, not only that but probably mostly that.

My schedule changed on January 24th so I'll have to see what the fall out is going to a Day Shift from being a night owl. At least I'll be able to play gigs again. Oooh, and actually have Friday Night dates. I haven't had any of those in twenty years. Wow. I can visit friends again. Gonna take a little getting used to.

So, from January through about April, probably adapting to my new schedule.

Anything else will have to be inspired.

I'll be working a Swing Shift up to January 24, 2009 so, until then, I can be found under old streetcars (are you familiar with the F Line? Those old streetcars specifically) doing brake jobs while dirt falls down my sleeve. After that, I'll be doing more restoration work on the fleet as opposed to day in day out brake maintenance.

Since I know only about 3 people who kept comparable hours that I used to, I tended to congregate with the dogs and cats. That was also where I caught up on my television viewing and why I'm such a big fan of Adult Swim.

I can be readily induced to self doubt simply by being asked the simple question "Are you sure?". If I've scaled a particular mountain of uncertainty, inducing doubt isn't quite that easy.

I am, despite my comfortable capacity at self-expression, nowhere near as sure of myself as some people have thought. I am also strangely able to embrace thoughts and feelings of my own eventual death with an amused laugh and anticipation. Instinct for self preservation? Intact. Foolish tendency to charge ahead fearlessly in the face of real danger? Engaged and in need of moderation at times. Acceptance of my eventual demise? Thriving.

What do you get when you combine intermittent self-confidence with an eager approach to non-existence?

I'm still trying to answer that one but this profile certainly provides more than a glimpse below the surface of me to the deeper inner workings of my psyche. In many ways, I am an open book.

Another thing? I miss being partnered.

I feel I am much better off partnered than alone.

Another private thing I'm willing to admit are the four birthmarks curiously located on ... er ... uh ... my person. Somewhere.

Anything else I'll disclose as a friendship develops further.

Oh, and if I want something to remain unknown or private, no one outside of me will ever know of its existence. Thankfully for me, these things are very few in number as I find liberation in expression, truth and, disclosure while simultaneously experiencing oppression and imprisonment in having to keep secrets.

you've finished reading all this and aren't vomitting uncontrollably.

Wait, you read every word of this out-of-control monstrosity?

I am humbled (or embarrassed, I get the two confused in situations like these).

Not tossing your cookies? Then, say hello if you feel overcome by a desire to speak to me in a language other than English.

And/Or you're already doing vocal exercises and need someone to accompany you.

And/Or you've always thought having a bed warmer who will make you coffee in the morning will help you save money on your heating bill and be less troublesome than programming your coffee maker's timer.

OK, so how about messaging me if you're interested in becoming acquainted with someone who has much more to offer than can easily be covered in a pithy introduction but who is undergoing some very heavy, deep personal transformation. I can be a great friend (at least that hasn't changed) and I am not one to close myself off to love. When love comes to town, I stop what I'm doing and relate well. However, I am a wreck and under some major repair. I don't need to be rescued or helped but I do enjoy the comfort and love of a good friend or partner. As the saying goes, I am not closed for repairs, I am open for business (so to speak) but still in the heart of a major reclamation phase heavy with purging stagnant elements of my past. Despite the work in progress, I can love with tremendous depth and passion even while correcting weaknesses in the foundation of my life.

DO, message me if you are a fellow musician want to sit down and play/sing with other folks creating a carnival of sounds, laughs and enjoyable jams. I may well start a second profile to cover this facet of myself.

I am still here despite my ongoing changes as I have a couple of friends here so if you want my attention, just knock on the proverbial door and send a message. I'm responsive.

Send me a hello if you'd like to be friends, sit down and play/sing with just lil' ole me. For the record, I don't care how great or awful you think your voice is, I care more about just enjoying the moment and smiling at the fun of it all. There is just something very fun, playful and, connecting about being musical with someone that goes a long way to sating the need for creative and intimate expression in a non-romantic fashion.

Lastly, if the saying: "Fortune Favors the Bold" is resonant to you, then here's your opportunity to act accordingly. Boldly go where you have never been before and say "Hello!"