Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This essay is brought to you by the letter "I". So let's get this
party started. I like to stay up late and try to wake up early. I
like my coffee like I like my women... dark and bitter. I was born
in the South and raised on the coast that doesn't care much about
gluten (yay pizza). I'm probably one of the nerdiest people you'll
meet (and just stoked about derailing yet poignant parenthetical
subtext). I don't mean that in the way 90% of people on this site
do, because nerd is the new "cool". (Thanks Apple products, we all
know it's one the six things you can't do without) I write a lot of
run-on sentences. I'm on a dating site because I don't have the
time nor the desire to waste my time and desire (even though online
dating has ruined everything).. On occasion, I am hilarious.
(You've probably stopped reading by now.) I'm skeptical, yet open
to possibility. I read books. I watch and analyze film, television
and comedy. Love beer (though I don't drink it much because it goes
to my ass) and dirty martinis. I make friends easily and have many
I call close. There's a late fee if I'm not returned on time. I am
also over this section... onward!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Semi-working actor with a slew of day jobs to afford living next to
paradise. If you have a problem with this, I don't care. If you
don't have a problem with this, I don't care. Welcome to L.A.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Everything.. just kidding, mostly just tripping over stuff.
Self-Sabotage. Interpreting. Informing you that you (likely) are
not (even remotely) "good" at sarcasm. (It isn't even a skill,
please take it off your profile immediately, along with your
sunglasses.) Pretending I'm listening. Calling it like I see it.
Making embarrassing music playlists on Spotify. Misinterpreting.
Speaking out of turn. Cooking red sauce and meat balls. Running.
Muahahahahaha-ing. Falling asleep on the beach and getting sun
burnt and spending the next 48 hours lathering myself in aloe.
Pretending I was a dragon in a past life (I'm good at roleplaying).
Semi-auto-erotic asphyxiation. Traveling rings at OMB. (Don't worry
if you don't know what that means, it's a deep reference and has no
bearing on whether or not I'll spork you. If you do get it... well
then break out the chalk.) Being little and/or big spoon. Defying
gravity. Defying in general. Quoting Shakespeare. Giving a fuck.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I easily befriend cats and glow in the dark after eating waffles.
My butt-crack is also usually visible from every angle, it's
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I love Poe, Shakespeare, Tolkien, and Martin. Mostly fiction. (Life
is real enough.) I also enjoy a good read of the Necronomicon Ex
Mortis, aka The Book of Shadows, aka the Grand Grimoire. Shows are
many and various, I'm in the biz so I watch a lot, I like to call
it "research," or even better "homework". I know, I know you don't
own a TV - well neither do I, but I still get it done. Mostly HBO,
Showtime, AMC, FX and web. Music is all over depending on my really
real world status, I'm told I'm eclectic but I always thought that
sounded a little.. you know. Food.. Let's just say I'm a pro with
chopsticks and that I'm a big fan of stuffing my face with the
cooked (sometimes raw) flesh of something that once had a mother.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Acting. Friends and Family. My garrison of pirate ninja jedi zombie
robot presidents (they were elected). The Internet and food. I
could most certainly never do without FOOD. Major points if you
enjoy cooking (because I do as well). If you don't know how to cook
anything, well let's hope you're good at sandwiches.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
-"If", Rudyard Kipling
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I am quite content to do anything from karaoke (which I am bad at),
reading, to streaming a good show on a Friday night. If you wanna
get weird maybe even catch an improv show. If you have to go to
bars three to four nights a week to have a good time, or just as a
habit, I am probably not the man for you. In fact, you should
probably go to a meeting. Just kidding, those are for quitters. How
does one afford that anyway? (rhetorical).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I feel up my own ass.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You probably won't message me, in fact, you probably shouldn't. I'm
prone to sudden bouts of realness and lack of game playing on a
level you likely aren't used to. If you think this makes me an
asshole, you're only partially right. I will however, do you the
immense favor of being honest with you. I'm looking for a woman
with the following (and I'm patient): A sense of humor. Someone who
isn't cuckoo for coco puffs or a frosted flake and eating their
Wheaties. You live on or close to West LA. You like morning
"exercise". Speaking of mornings, you should also have a pretty
good idea of what your personality will be like during them and
throughout the rest of the day. You are capable of making up your
mind. You actively try and occasionally succeed to be a better
person. Sound like a tall order? It isn't. If you have trouble
meeting these criteria, maybe try harder. Ok, rant over and you're
still reading, that's good. I promise I'm a nice person. Just say
hi already, but don't actually say just "hi". That's... you know.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.