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50 M Toronto, Ontario, CA

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like guys
  • Ages 35–55
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 4:45am
Hispanic / Latin, White
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Not at all
Christianity, and very serious about it
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Fluently), French (Okay)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
So, what to say. I guess that I can start with my roots and go from there:

I've lived in Canada, in Toronto (a city across the lake from upstate New York and Pennsylvania (Buffalo, Erie PA, etc.) since 2006 and have dual citizenship. I enjoy it here but the US is really home to me.

I'm a Southern California desert native. My screenname is sort of a throwback to where I was raised, was the only variant spelling of it available on AOL in 1995, and I've kept it all of these years. It was all about independence/love of travel, living in new place in my 30s, and such. Now that I'm nearing 50, not as much so, though I still think that the journey is usually better than the arrival.

My father was a native of Kentucky, where cousins still live, and our paternal family lines go back to Colonial Virginia. I love and work in genealogy and history and have a particular love of the South. I'm about 8 hours from our home turf in South Central Kentucky, and that feels truly like one of 3 "homes" to me.

My paternal grandmother's family were cousins to the one of the founding families of Seattle. That was my home for 8 years, and I still have a soft spot for the Pacific Northwest, where my sisters and nieces are.

My Mom and brothers, and nephews all live grew up in the first place that I call my native home (the desert of Southern California). My mother is Mexican, and her parents were natives of areas near Puerto Vallarta (I grew up speaking Spanish and English, living next door to my grandparents).

I spent the better part of my late 20s and 30s living through the AIDS epidemic, but learning a lot about myself and about how important community is during my years in that period living in Los Angeles and especially my 7 years spent in San Francisco. That was a period that shaped me in profound ways.

All told (and I wear this all as a badge of honor) - I'm SERIOUSLY a geographical mutt. But a good one (they say). I have some form of attachment, for different reasons, to the places where I spent so many of my years. I love them equally, and I consider myself to have been exposed (culturally) to a lot of diversity in life. I'm blessed in that regard.

Um, I'm an INFJ (Myers Briggs type) if you REALLY want to know my personality. So what else is there to know? (Google that if need be).

There's more below, in my profile. I think that I'm smart, neurotic, bookish, spiritual, one-guy kind'a guy. I think that puppies (the real kind) are swell. Kids think that I'm one of them (and I intend to keep it that way). Family means the world to me, followed by truly close friends. I tend to be shy at first but am chatty and (they say) pretty funny when I know someone. I love a small group of people who I know well over a ton of casual acquaintances.

This quote kind of sums up where I am, and what keeps me going, in life:

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer." (Albert Camus)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Renovating an old factory loft on the West Side of Toronto. That's the biggie right now. But otherwise...

I spend a fair bit of time writing, blogging and tweeting about LGBTQ justice issues (especially among the GenX'ers), and spirituality. I know that religion turns off so many (and I likely lost most who just hit my profile). But if you're still with me, I'd probably be thought of as an "emergent" sort who loves to live in the questions. If you know what that means, you get brownie points.

I study early mystics, comparative religion, humanism, Celtic/Quaker creeds of Christianity (if you think that it's beautiful I'll probably be listening for the sense of something much bigger and brighter). I love Eastern traditions. I'm fascinated by what was going on circa 0 AD - not so much what happened after about 400s AD. (seriously obscure stuff).

I'm much more interested in how beautiful a light can be, than in laws that say whether or not you're allowed to see it at all.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing, genealogy, genealogy and research, theology/spirituality, computers, home renovations, history,

...and making reservations.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I talk a lot. They say that I'm funny, but I tend to be shy and nervous until I know someone well, so maybe it's overcompensating? Small children don't run screaming, and friends think that I'm likeable enough to keep me around, so I think that's good.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Film: Pan's Labyrinth, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, A Prophet, Let the Right One In, 35 Shots of Rum, An Education, Silver Linings Playbook, Hugo, The Incredibles, Hannah and her Sisters, Angels in America, Babette's Feast, Crazy, Big Fish, Pulp Fiction, White Ribbon, Winter's Bone, Georgy Girl, Midnight in Paris, All about Eve, Citizen Kane, The Deer Hunter, Annie Hall.. and the list goes on. Major indie, animation and classic film lover.

Books: lots of historical (non-fiction) works. Other samplings include: Never Let me Go, On the Road, The Prophet, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, From the Mixed up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankwiler, Narcissus and Goldman, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Love in the Time of the Cholera, On Becoming a Man, The Velvet Rage, The Pilgrim's Regress (or pretty much everything by C.S. Lewis), Unfair!, Gay Conversations with God, Prototype, The Shack... and every compulsory English Lit major's books ever written. Poets that I love include e.e. cummings, William Auden, Constance Kavafy, Khalil Gibran, T.S. Eliot.

Music: Standards, Classical, Jazz.. really partial to 50-60s era female vocalists, and late 60s- early 70s/classic rock. Van Morrison, Bonnie Raitt, Jonny Lang, Nancy Wilson, Jane Monheit, Sarah Vaughn, Keely Smith, Ella (no last name needed), Derek Webb, Tracy Chapman, Lea Salonga, Sandy Patti, Johnny Cash are among the faves. I'm closet C&W fan (so Keith Urban, Martina MacBride, Josh Turner, Vince Gill, Trisha Yearwood, Wynona Judd would have to be up there as well). If you know "Memories of Us" by Keith Urban, and if I ever get married, that's going to be at the top of my "please oh please can we play this" list. ;-)

TV: Grimm, Orange is the New Black, Nurse Jackie, United States of Tara, Pushing Daisies, Golden Girls reruns, True Blood, American Horror Story, Glee, Modern Family, Downton Abbey, PBS marathons, X-Files and Twin Peaks (I can re-watch those over and over), French & Saunders, Smack the Pony, Little Britain.

Food: Pizza is its own food group. I'm adventurous and will try anything but love Ethiopian, Caribbean and Indian best.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Academics, Family, Libraries/the Internet (the world's greatest 24x7 library to me), Books (physical or ebooks), and dog parks (not in that particular order), progressive/emergent spirituality
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What to do with Act II of my life. Whether millenials will listen to Gen Xers' "wisdom"... why people screw up just being nice to one another so badly. Oh, and whether my rants make me sound like Clint Eastwood hollering on stage at a chair.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Wondering what other people do on a typical Friday night. Usually it's winding the week down and reading/studying/writing, doing the movie thing, dinner after work, etc.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
On Christmas Eve 2003, I found out that I am HIV positive, getting ready for a family dinner. Ho ho ho.

Health-wise it's a non-issue - the stigma is what you have to live with. But I did live through far worse times in the heart of where it hit badly, and I saw a lot that I won't forget. It drives a lot of my activism and faith now - I'm pretty active in causes around it - especially with regard to how bad it is abroad. So that's my disclaimer.

I realize it'll probably turn off most, but I'm pretty upfront and honest about it. It has been my biggest curse and greatest blessing in so many ways. I write/tweet a lot around it, and get to play the role of mentor (and recollector) to a lot of younger bloggers who ask and write about it as well. I really love that role.

TMI perhaps, but hopefully the plusses trump this one.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're still with me on any of the above, are long-term, monogamy minded, have a thing about keeping family important in your life, can deal with a nerdy computer bookish type. And can handle the spirituality thing (and maybe support me in that part of life, and back atcha -- it's an important piece to me).

You do your best to be compassionate, caring of others. If you've ever heard the phrase "hearing the heartbeat of God in the earth" you earn major brownie points. If you ask me to explain it to you, you get equal brownie points.

Kids and animals kick your protective instincts in, and make you feel good to have them in your life. Better yet, the idea of raising them is appealing.

If you're a closet dreamer of white pickets, want to write that you're hopelessly romantic, and loved "Sleepless in Seattle" but would never write any of that that down (because we all know that it's scary and co-dependent as of the liberation age, but was once called "romance"), then definitely message me.