I get pretty bummed by the state of the world: the awful things people do to one another and to the planet. (I'll spare you the gory list of particulars..) I'm at peace with my own life, but I can't be truly happy without meaningful connections with other people — and that's something I don't have right now. I'd like that to change (obviously)... I think I have a lot of 'good' in my heart, and nothing would make me happier than finding a 'special someone' to share it with. That said, I moved back to the Bay Area from back East not that long ago (5/13), and I don't have much of a 'social network' here — real or virtual — so I'd also welcome new friends.
I'm 'retired', so I have the time and energy now to look for new things in my life, and to devote to building a relationship. When I was working, keeping my head above water in a demanding career was enough of a challenge that I couldn't really put myself 'out there' for the search for the arguably more important if less immediate things. No more.
The most important things to me in a relationship are good conversation, and making each other laugh: a chemistry of the mind and spirit, if you will. My outlook on activities is that they're less about mutual interests than just enjoying one another's company whatever you're doing. When I was in a relationship that was going well (sometime in the previous century) I used to look forward to going grocery shopping with my partner, because being with her made it interesting and fun. I'm willing to try new things, activity-wise, if that leads to 'quality time.'
MY THEORIES OF OKCUPID AND 'LOVE'
I've had my profile up here about a year-and-a-half, met about 2 dozen folks, and not really come close to a 'mutual match'. The preponderance of 'not-clicking' has led me to be very passive here. I very very rarely send out messages these days, and I only get msgs. once in a blue moon. I do usually reply to folks in my geographic vicinity who seem sincere unless I find some "hm, I really don't see how this could work" stuff in the profile (which, btw, is a bit more likely to be a conclusion I won't meet your expectations rather than vice versa.)
Ah. Expectations. At this milepost on the Highway of Life I'm not expecting bells and rockets when I meet someone, nor am I expecting to ring chimes or ignite lift-off in anyone else. I've met a couple women I might have immediately gone gaga over if we were both, say, 30, but nothing remotely resembling even a single 'ga' manifested in moi. I find my enthusiasm fueled mainly by having what I consider an engaging conversation, and secondarily by the impression that I've met a good person I can respect and even admire.
I don't expect any kind of affection to develop quickly. I'm more of an 'open book' than most people, but I'm also enough of an 'odd duck' that it tends to take awhile for people to 'figure me out.' I'm also on the socially awkward and self-conscious side when meeting new people, which tends to manifest itself in me talking too much, which tends to create a not-very-accurate impression of my actual character.
Since I imagine that if anything is going to develop between me and anyone else, it's going to take awhile, my attitude toward meeting folks from OKC is: as long as nothing negative happens in a meeting, I'm willing to meet again to what if anything might happen down the road. I think some of the folks I've met have found it odd that I've inquired about meeting again in the absence of observable romantic 'chemistry' or some other form of high enthusiasm on my part. Maybe it is odd in the general scheme of things, but I don't know what else to do. I know it's going to take me time to figure out if I 'connect' to you on more than a superficial level, and I expect it will time for anyone to get to know me well enough to figure out if they 'connect' with me.
Ah. Connection. I seem to be in the minority of Y-chromosome equipped homo sapiens in that 'hotness' has never been a big thing for me. In my younger days, when I 'fell' for someone, I always lead with my heart, then my big head, and the little head had little or nothing to do with it. Not being all that Eros-driven, one of the reasons I'll decline to msg. folks the robot recommends (when I do take a look), is if they have high expectations of 'hotness' (especially with any interest in 'kink' - rape fantasies and the like - this not being any sort of moral judgement on my part, just something that's not in my nature).
And as I've aged I've re-evaluated the whole Ideal of Romantic Love thing. I like emotional stability, prefer peace to turmoil, and have both felt and witnessed enough storm damage from the winds of Big Romance. I should say, if Big Romance happens, it's not something I'd shy away from in fear, it's just not a primary goal for me. I guess what I'd like more than anything is the kind of relationship that keeps couples happily married after 20 years: long after initial passions yield to aging and seeing how each looks when they get up in the morning, after all the familiarity of sharing the trivia of everyday life, and finding a reason to still care very deeply despite the toilet seat not always being lifted, or your mate's affection for that CD that makes your ears hurt. Working, lasting 'partnership' I guess.
Finally, back to the whole 'unless I find something overtly negative I'll hand in there until you call it quits' approach. Here's my Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit on OKC: I'm zero-for-lifetime in initiating relationships. On those occasions in my youth when did go gaga over someone, they either weren't interested at all, or were somewhat interested but not-quite-ready-to-be-gagaed-over. So every meaningful relationship I've had has started with a woman being interested enough in me to ask me out and be fairly persistent, as it usually took me some time to come around to the idea. The thing is, I almost always did.
The happiest moments of my life occurred in that even-going-grocery-shopping-was-awesome relationship I mentioned above, which took a good bit of convincing and persistence for me to enter into. I know people who believe only rapid love is True Love, and consider the proposition 'you can learn to love someone' is merely a rationalization for 'settling.' Perhaps for them; not for me. Thus (granting that there may be a certain illogic in this) a big part of my 'I'll keep meeting until it doesn't work for you' approach is that I want to give someone the opportunity to figure out that they like ME, even if my enthusiasm seems less-than-total, as if that should happen, I fully expect I would respond in kind.
Practicality note: I've found that with other people's busy schedules and all, geographic distance tends to monkey-wrench the getting-to-know-each-other process, especially when crossing the Bay Bridge is involved. (Getting down the peninsula is easier for me, especially on the 280 side.) Not that I'm unwilling to do a little travelin', just noting that it's easier to 'check it out' if we're closer.
EVEN MORE ABOUT ME! :-)
With friends and partners, I'm mellow, easy to get along with, steadfast and faithful, supportive. I'm not Mr. Excitement by the prevailing standards, but if you like a certain kind of mental energy and a sharp sense of humor I can be pretty interesting.
I believe in equality in relationships. Traditional gender roles, especially in terms of matters of authority, are not for me.
I know this is a REALLY LONG OKC profile. My thought (fwiw) is the mo' info the better, but I'm definitely not a Twitter guy. I don't write short things. But I'm not so verbose in person. And I'm actually one of the least full-of-themselves folks I know :-). Yeah, there occasions where I talk too much out of social awkwardness, and I can get going on certain subjects of enthusiasm on the other hand as well. But I can be pretty quiet at times too. I'm also a much better listener than I may appear at first.
ABOUT THE PICTURES
I've never had any kind of beard prior to moving back here. I let it grow out for the hell of it as was packing for my move and driving cross-country. I took the pics with it because a friend said "It's a good look for you." I'm ambivalent. It's not part of my identity or anything, and I'd happily go clean-shaven if it mattered to anyone.
The pics with the motorcycle and scooter are meant to use props for humor. I'm not a 'biker' by any means. I mainly travel by (small) car. I have the cycle not out of any love for that mode of transportation, but because I dislike taking a car into the city and hassling with parking. The scooter doesn't run, and I'll be getting rid of it when I get around to it...