If you are dumb, then just leave. No, I mean it. All my friends give me shit that I always go for pretty, dumb girls that have nothing to offer...and they're right.
I am making some changes around here! So if you are smart, witty, funny, like to laugh, like to have stimulating intellectual conversations, know what "redundant" means, and/or wear cute little hipster glasses, then please stay.
I don't claim to be the "best" guy that you could possibly date, but I do have a few key advantages over the competition:
1) I am ridiculously charming. That sensation that you're feeling in the pit of your stomach, having made it this far into the "summary", is not disappointment...no. It's the little seedling of charm starting to bud. I work from the inside out.
2) I am a master of supplication. If you are going to Google or dictionary.com, deduct 300 cool points from your overall score, and 10 points from your IQ score right now.
3) I defy you to stay mad at me (see advantage number 2)
4) Unless by some chance you have already boned Louis CK or Chris Rock, then I am one of the funniest dudes you will ever meet. At least, that's what my friends say.
But wait, there's more!!!
By day I am a broker for an international electronics firm. Don't ask...the short of it is that I sell stuff for way more money than I bought it for.
By night I'm a DJ/producer. Now, if you're a reasonably good looking woman, I am SURE that you have heard that before; many more times than you wish to remember. I am also sure that you've heard some really shitty music as a result. I promise you, I'm actually pretty awesome at what I do, and I've had a good deal of success at it. Insert humble-brag here (_____________________________). Everyone wants someone that has things to be passionate about in their lives - creating music is mine.
- Making myself laugh
- Making music
- Making something out of nothing
- Making great conversation
- Making sure people around me feel safe and comfortable
- Making awkwardness disappear
- Making love...now THAT I have trouble with, but other than that I'm good
My sense of humor. I didn't say it was good. I'm just saying its noticeable.
My style. I clean up nice.
My eyes. My grandma says they're handsome.
- Movies: Anything that makes me think and/or laugh...not a big fan of big budget action flicks, but there are some exceptions. I'm way more Wes Anderson than Jerry Bruckheimer. If you know what that means without googling, then I want to talk to you.
- Music: 90's hip hop, 70's soul & funk. I assure you, I'm white.
- Food: Anything except Asian...that's right, I just X'd out an entire continent's cuisine! If you can cook, then you just got 10 pounds lighter in my eyes.
- My headphones
- My iPod
- My record collection (in the thousands)
- My MacBook
- My sneakers (I'm an 80's baby - gimme a break)
- My MPC - it's complicated, I'm more than happy to explain later
- My Music
- My fears & how to get over them
- My strengths & how to exploit them
- Beautiful women!
- You grossly undervalue your own time
- You understand and utilize the concept of sarcasm for the enjoyment of yourself and others (see above - not the first two reasons you should message me. The whole thing)
- You want to have fun sometime in the near future with someone of the opposite sex.