So, with that being said, you should also be aware that I am the greatest human, humanoid, bioelectronic entity, funky dude, and disco dancer of all time. I like science fiction, comics and graphic novels, and I am getting into cooking, particularly in experimenting with the best ways to make vegetarian versions of the “real” food I grew up with. I meditate every day and, for you Jungians keeping score at home, I'm an INTJ though, on rare occasion, I have tested as an ISTJ. I am a sapiosexual. Look it up if you don't know the word, you will be pleasantly surprised. Oh, and you should know that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but I ain't no holla' back girl.
You probably already recognize me as the Emperor of the Kingdom of Alexandria (and protector of Mexico), where I presently benevolently reign with my feline companion, Mrs. Elizabeth Delano Mermelstein the Wondercat, at my side. Beyond serving my people as absolute ruler, I spend a great deal of time writing books that are guaranteed to never be best sellers. My patent law trilogy sells the best, though it’s the topic I have the least interest in … and yes, I spend my days writing and prosecuting patent applications, though I one day hope to finally sell enough books that I can give up that miserable occupation and just get paid to think and write. Right now, I’m working on the second draft of my drug memoir, which will be published under my nom de naughtyboy. Yes, I was a Club Kid and, as goes along with that lifestyle, an ecstasy (and nightlife) addict. I am now nine years sober and nine years older and despite my past interests, have no intention of ever entering a bar or club again … but I do enjoy writing about it.
I was a body builder for 18 years, from college through my club life and beyond, and then after completely trashing most of my joints (body building destroys bodies, rather than builds them, ironically), I took two years off, during which my body turned into flesh-colored mush. I am, at present, four months back in the gym and I’m just working out like a normal person, not a muscle addict. Or, in other words, since physical things are a large part of attraction, I’m still a bit soft, but I’m getting fit at what is turning out to be a surprising rate. My switch to vegetarianism might have something to do with that.
Facts about me that will probably be a turn-off, but if you can get through these, definitely send me an email: I have OCD, though you will probably never notice it unless I point out something I'm counting or something that bothers me. I put myself through graduate school and part of law school as a stripper. I refuse to give up my beloved 1999 Saturn, though it's falling apart. 185,000 miles and counting. I collect morbid things. My latest acquisition is a fetus in a jar. I believe that false modesty is the refuge of the incompetent. It takes me 75 minutes each morning between getting up and leaving for work -- see above about OCD. I have to remind myself to look people in the eyes when I talk to them as it is not a natural inclination for me. I have tricks for making it appear as though I'm making eye contact when I'm really not (for example, I imagine I have x-ray eyes and I’m viewing your brain through your skull).
Also, I don’t like dogs, I am not a “nice guy” in general and my family is not particularly important to me. I’m very uncomfortable around children. I don't simply mean that I don't want children of my own, I am genuinely uncomfortable around all kids. I refuse to edit myself based on the latest rules of political correctness. Lastly, I am not sane, safe, down to earth or easy going. I take myself very seriously (it's the rest of you whom I don't take seriously). Oh, and with regard to me not being a nice guy, I am exceptionally polite, but I do not feel that people in general are innately worth respect and consideration; rather, those are things which must be earned.
Oh, and no Communists, Christian zealots or cell phone addicts, please.