With regard to the headline, yes, I am perfectly serious. I do not live a normal or ordinary life, nor have I ever, nor do I wish to. If I were to wake up one morning to find myself perfectly ordinary, I would commit suicide. I'm an oddball looking for a misfit. So, no "normies" please. Also, no cell phone addicts, religious zealots or communists.
So, with that being said, hi, hello, greetings and salutations, my name is Morgan. You may recognize me as the Emperor of the Kingdom of Alexandria (and protector of Mexico), where I presently benevolently reign with my feline companion, Mrs. Elizabeth Delano Mermelstein the Wondercat, at my side. Beyond serving my people as absolute ruler, I spend a great deal of time writing books that are guaranteed to never be best sellers. My patent law trilogy sells the best, though it’s the topic I have the least interest in. Go figure. My worst selling books are the ones I actually take pride in and are on subjects I find interesting: meditation, objectivism, Zen Buddhism and, most recently, a line-by-line modern English translation of Shakespeare’s The Tempest (Macbeth is due out in the spring of 2014 and I'm done with the first draft of Hamlet). I'm actually taking a break from academic writing for a few months and am now writing a drug memoir, to be published under a nom de naughtyboy. My degrees are in physics, incidentally, so all of this writing has come as a surprise to everyone, including myself. I’m halfway through writing a relativity textbook, too, so it’s not like I just threw all that away … though, yeah, sometimes I regret selling out to patent law. But, I digress …
I was a bodybuilder for 18 years but, as it turns out, quite ironically, bodybuilding actually destroys your body over time. I now find myself body broken rather than body built (particularly my knees … kids, just say no to squats). I took a couple of years off, during which my body turned into mush, and now I’m one month into working out again -- this time, working out like a normal person, not like an Arnold wannabe. And, believe it or not, I’ve become a vegetarian. I certainly didn’t see that one coming.
You should know up front that I keep slightly odd hours. I get up at 4 AM and go to bed at 8 PM, so evening socializing is out (right now, I work primarily with our foreign clients, so I make myself available during their work hours, but, as I hate this schedule, I’m already planning my exit strategy, so this is not a permanent thing. Of course, I don’t actually do much socializing these days anyway. In the 90’s and early 00’s (or is it “2000’s”?), I was a club kid and indulged in every hedonistic delight that lifestyle offers (or, to stop using euphemisms, I was an ecstasy addict … clean and sober for the last eight years, though). I wouldn’t say that I got it out of my system, I simply came to the conclusion that if I continued, I would be dead pretty soon. So I stopped. Everything. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs and given that I needed various combinations of the former to actually enjoy crowded clubs and bars and so forth, I simply don’t like going to such places anymore.
With all of that having been said, you should be aware that I am the greatest human, humanoid, bioelectronic entity, funky dude, and disco dancer of all time. I like science fiction, comics and graphic novels, and I am just getting into cooking. I meditate every day and, for you Jungians keeping score at home, I'm an INTJ though, on rare occasion, I have tested as an ISTJ. I am a sapiosexual. Look it up if you don't know the word, you will be pleasantly surprised.
Facts about me that will probably be a turn-off, but if you can get through these, definitely send me an email: I have OCD, though you will probably never notice it unless I point out something I'm counting or something that bothers me. I put myself through graduate school and part of law school as a stripper. I refuse to give up my beloved 1999 Saturn, though it's falling apart. 177,000 miles and counting. I collect morbid things. My latest acquisition is a fetus in a jar. I believe that false modesty is the refuge of the incompetent. It takes me 75 minutes each morning between getting up and leaving for work -- see above about OCD. I have to remind myself to look people in the eyes when I talk to them as it is not a natural inclination for me. I have tricks for making it appear as though I'm making eye contact when I'm really not (for example, I imagine I have x-ray eyes and I’m viewing your brain through your skull).
Oh, and apparently I’m the opposite of everyone on internet dating sites. I don’t run marathons, I don’t climb fiberglass walls (or refer to mountains as "rocks", for that matter), I hate the beach and I abhor traveling. I don’t like to discuss politics, I neither play nor watch sports (interesting to note that if you subtract out the commercials and all the time the players spend milling around between plays, the actual play time in a three hour football game is, on average, 10.5 minutes, that's it), I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and bars and clubs are long in my past. I don’t like dogs, I am not a “nice guy” in general and my family is not particularly important to me. I hate the outdoors and would travel by underground tunnel everywhere if I could. I’m very uncomfortable around children. I don't simply mean that I don't want children of my own, I am genuinely uncomfortable around all kids. I refuse to edit myself based on the latest rules of political correctness. Lastly, I am not sane, safe, down to earth or easy going. I take myself very seriously (it's the rest of you whom I don't take seriously). Oh, and with regard to me not being a nice guy, I am exceptionally polite, but I do not feel that people in general are innately worth respect and consideration. Rather, those are things which must be earned.