Once upon a time, there was this guy, and he got on this site to meet women and take tests, and generally have a good time. But, in the long run, it didn't work out too well. He picked a stupid user name and accidentally checked some box that said he just wanted casual sex. So he gave up and decided to start over from scratch. This is the continuation of his story.

Who am I really? Just a quirky nerd that grew up too quickly, but later realized that life isn't always serious business...except when it is. Seriously. I have an eclectic sense of humor, and way too many video games (which I never play anymore, go figure). No one ever takes my advice, despite the fact that I am professionally trained to give good advice to people. And argue.

EDIT: Apparently, sarcasm and silliness often don't translate well over this particular medium. That said, I apologize in advance if I offend you somehow. I assure you, it's not intentional.

SERIOUS DISCLAIMER: If you don't read this section, I take no responsibility for any disappointment that results. If you ever have the desire to meet me in person, one thing you should be aware of is that I talk /A LOT/. I love telling stories, and often share stories from my own experiences. This often translates as me talking about myself endlessly, and makes me seem really egotistical. I promise you...I'm only a little egotistical...I just like sharing stories about my experiences, especially when they are humorous.

Part-time freelancing champion of justice. No, seriously. My rates are very reasonable. You can check out my web site for more information and a free consultation. But then I probably wouldn't be able to date you. It's like being a top secret spy, but far less exciting.

Convincing groups of random strangers that I know what I'm talking about. No, seriously. I can tell stories and use metaphors like you wouldn't believe. Except if I explained it to you, you'd probably believe me.

Also, apparently I am really good at sneaking up behind people. Except other ninjas.

My commanding presence and aura of mystery. Or probably just whatever dorky shirt I happen to be wearing at the time. Also, I am tall and have horrible posture. Feel free to comment on it if you ever meet me in person. You'll only be the ten-thousandth person to do so.

1.) Anything that is either humorous, intellectual, or a combination of both.

2.) See above.

3.) Nothing that anyone has ever heard of. Seriously. I listen to weird stuff. Awesome, but weird.

4.) The edible kind. I'll eat almost anything, except raw tomatoes, as long as it doesn't give me heartburn.

Recent studies indicate the following items as essential to my further existence:
-Functional laptop
-Functional car
-Clean underwear (unless it's a kilt day)
-Tasty food
-Decent mattress
-People who tolerate me enough to pay attention to me once in a while

How I could convince people to pay me money to do things for them (that don't involve taking my clothes off). Also, food.

EDIT: Some people think I'm just joking here. I assure you, this answer is 100% serious. Okay, maybe like 96.3%...

Usually either playing poker with friends, or wishing I had a date. Sometimes both at the same time, depending on how badly the cards are treating me on a given night.

Would probably make your mom blush.

You're just that bored.
Or, just that curious.
Or, just that brave.

Proper grammar and punctuation are always appreciated.
Thanks,
The Management

P.S. - Thanks for viewing! Feel free to message with any questions, comments, or concerns. Except for the concerns part. Unless your concern is that my profile is too awesome for you. Those are generally okay.

Editors

• MysTifyLemon