i am a rambler and i want to change my self-summary all the time. does this make me a flake? maybe.

i act thus: quiet until you break my shell, and ridiculous afterward; pretty goddamn ocd sometimes; kind of a silly empath (especially when it comes to other species); one of those people who prefer utilizing the handy window-side tree to the stairs; somewhat a social freak but still an amusing drinking buddy.

i am addicted to the following: caffeine; effexor xr; weimaraners; the affection of fieval; self-deprecation; freerice.com; xkcd; questionable content; facebook, myspace, and okcupid stalking; that crunchy ice from hospitals.

i am moderately okay at the following: drawing, painting, other artsy crap; making things from popsicle sticks; talking to mice; general medical advice; reading way fast; correcting grammar; making cinnamon rolls; getting sucked into furious diatribes on mental illness.

i am ridiculously talented at the following: jigsaw puzzles; crosswords; remembering facts that rarely do any good; caring for ducklings; giving domesticated animals sensory overload to the point that they obey my every wish; starting ivs; tangential thinking ad nauseum.

i am bad at the following (not limited to): telling people no; expressing myself as quickly as some people want; just generally not being passive-aggressive; luring mice out from behind bookshelves; taking my vitamins; finishing projects; forgiving myself for doing stupid things; dancing; scheduling.

i don't like to hurt people or disappoint them, but i end up doing it anyway. trying to please myself and not who i believe i should satisfy is an uphill battle. if you yell at me i will become physically afraid of you and may never get over it. i do not believe in blaming people for where their mind takes them, especially when their mental state is a product of misfiring neurons. (read: if you believe that crazy people bring it upon themselves, then i'd rather not talk to you...ever.)

i am an apologizer. i apologize for things. if you tell me not to, i will apologize for not having stopped sooner. it's a trait that can be annoying, and i know that. if you want me to stop, i COULD say tough shit, but that's not how i am. i'll just say i'm sorry.

i am in paramedic school and work in the ems field in the denver area. i can read a map like no one's business. i can take a blood pressure while traveling down federal. i am waiting for that blessed day when i get hired at the children's hospital. god damn do i ever love kids. i want to work in the orange giraffe hall.

truth is, i have in the past made many plans for my future and have abandoned or changed them all. i lack focus, not ability...as far as i know. i used to kind of be the child prodigy type...in gifted and talented programs and things like that. it seems to me a shame that my childhood couldn't have presented a mirror to my adult life. reconciling this in my heart and my brain makes me hurt sometimes. not because i bemoan being ordinary, necessarily, but because i don't know how to handle myself and i don't have practice being sufficient in the arenas i need to. i can't say "woe is me" unless i want to hear a resounding "fuck you" in response. le sigh.

when i finish my bachelor's it will be paleoanthropology, because human evolution is the most wonderful thing ever. i maybe need to become a little more stable first. i desire nothing more than a doctorate's education in pretty much everything.

i like to try to learn how to play the guitar. i play a poor piano and i'm pretty good on clarinet. i played the harp for a while. if i could afford it, i would have one and play it day and night.

i am flagged at the humane society as the person who will adopt any animal they ask me to. i don't believe in buying pets. it's a disgusting and awful thing.

i am a certified interpretive guide and an interpretive naturalist almost by rote. i like animals and natural resources and i like to preserve them.

i can give you the scientific name, the preservation status, the forage potential, the water requirement, and the coolest trivia point about any given colorado native plant species.

i can identify most waterfowl by the tailfeathers alone; especially ducks. i sometimes almost drive the ambulance off the right because i see an exciting duck or cormorant or pelican or heron flying nearby. this happens with planes too. i like planes.

latte art, jigsaw puzzles, speaking to mice. as well as some other nonmarketable talents (summarized above).

i'm also pretty goddamn good at taking the blame for things. way a doormat.

i am good in emergency situations. this is one of very few traits for which i am proud of myself.

sometimes i'm a shameless starer. people tend to notice when i'm watching them. total creeper.

i have an uncanny and often troublesome attraction to any and all animals nonhuman. people notice when you're talking to the prairie dogs out your car window.

(a) books: anything by orson scott card, hermann hesse, cormac mccarthy, paulo coelho, jerry spinelli, elie wiesel, albert camus, and madeline l'engel. namely ender's game, all the pretty horses, by the river piedra i sat down and wept, the alchemist, narcissus and goldmund, stargirl, number the stars, night, le myth de sisyphus, 'l estranger, and a wrinkle in time. oh dear god, also anything by sloane crosley. that woman slays me.

(b) movies: benny and joon, high fidelity, serendipity, little miss sunshine, the secret of roan inish, duck tales: the movie, milo and otis, the emperor's new groove, muppets from space, robin hood: men in tights, mulan, you've got mail, city of angels, and august rush

(c) music: the format, rediscover, bright eyes, wolf parade, destroyer, self against city, andrew bird, mae, rogue wave, the boy least likely to, metric, mates of state, elliott smith, low, the arcade fire, ben folds, broken social scene, leonard cohen, jeff buckley, rufus wainwright, josh ritter, bob dylan, beck, the shins, band of horses, the fiery furnaces, the rapture, the album leaf, teamawesome, the decemberists, caribou, architecture in helsinki, iron & wine, modest mouse, the postal service, barenaked ladies, travis, badly drawn boy, muse, shawn mullins, jewel, neko case, the weakerthans, neutral milk hotel, the beatles, johnny cash, pete seeger, counting crows, colin hay, david gray, +/-, the books, sonic youth, animal collective, guster, bob marley, ryan adams, pete yorn, charlotte church, the cure, damien rice, gustav holst, david holsinger, the stars, the weakerthans, memphis, fiest, fleet foxes, josh rouse, the dears, josh ritter, pink floyd, and page france...and a lot more. i forget.

as for food... i don't eat meat or fish. don't get me wrong - i think we are supposed to eat meat. homo sapiens sapiens has pointy canine teeth for a reason. it's the meat and fish industry i'm against. and to tell you the truth, i just can't bring myself to apologize to and subsequently kill animals for meat all by my lonesome. damn agriculture and the social trappings of hunting nowadays.

sometimes i stop the car when the cows are close enough to the highway and go say hi. i hug them. if you're not okay with that...

nothing you can do that can't be done

mitchondrial eve, futility, good, bad, mediocre, the handprints in caves, pantheism, natural resources, sustainable environments, biomes, ducks, latte art, harmony, evolution, albert einstein, charles darwin, cherokee nation, cherokee tribe, spain's role in the colonization of the americas, jean paul sartre, albert camus, tsunesaburo makiguchi, shakyamuni, color theory, the beatles, what it would be like to be one of the bastard children of the beatles, compassion, the finches outside my window and whether they want something other than niger seed, experiment 732: fievy, the oort cloud, space, the final frontier, fossils.

doing a jigsaw puzzle or a crossword. i am much more fond of jigsaw puzzles, but it becomes an expensive hobby/habit over time. something animal related. i volunteed at denver dumb friends league, maxfund, and the humane society. they need a lot of help. i also volunteer with wildbird rescue during the spring and summer. i want to volunteer with a wildlife rehab center, but i haven't found one nearby.

sometimes i feel unique. it makes me feel guilty. then i feel unique for feeling guilty. which makes me guilty. it is a vicious cycle.

also, i often stare at the antecubital fossa of passerby. i can't help myself; if you have decent veins, you have decent veins.

you are an anthropologist. or if you know how to lure a mouse out from under a fridge or a bookshelf, and trap her humanely.

or if you are a really generous pastry chef. or a chocolatier. anything food-related, really.

please don't message me just because i'm a young blonde chick who presumably has decent boobs and isn't totally unfortunate looking. i realize that i am these things and i sometimes do reap the advantages of being so, but that doesn't mean i identify with those characteristics. it's fine if you think i'm cute, but mostly i hope you want my SWEET SWEET BRAINS.