Let's begin this with some important facts about me.
- I am hairy.
- I am a freelance artist (i.e. unemployed).
- I currently reside in the same house as my parents, which I am alright with for the most part.
- Large dogs hate me.
- I love animals but I also love steak.

Still here? Then, by all means, read on.

Hello. The name is Brian and I'm kind of a big deal, except I'm not really. Tom Waits is my soul, Bill Murray is my voice, Grizzly Adams is my face, and I can't seem to locate my pants. I am a guy who prefers to avoid large social functions. I could explain why, but then what would you have to ask me? I am also an INTJ, so I guess there is that. If you find Chevy Chase, Gandalf, Hannibal Lecter, William F. Buckley Jr., Gregory House, and Professor Moriarty sexy, then I am your guy.

Words that describe me: reader, writer, artist, hairy, oldish, gamer, moviegoer, reluctant role model. I'm not rich and I may be closer in physique to Seth Rogen rather than Jason Statham.

I should admit right now that I am geeky sort of guy, which means that I will quote things you've likely never heard of or go on about something while you roll your eyes. But I could be wrong and you may very well like Suikoden, Jean Reno, comics, Neil Gaiman, Wes Anderson, Bill Murray, Jamie Hewlett, Clive Barker and other such things that I can ramble on about. In that case, feel free to say hello.

I don't watch sports, at all. Ever. They are boring to watch and I have no idea how people watch them with any sort of excitement. I used to play sports, but playing and watching are two extremely different activities. And quite frankly, the most popular sports are the most boring ones. American football is a joke, as it is simply a pussified form of rugby (just being honest). So, if you're hardcore into sports, we're probably not going to get along.

My political leanings? I’m a Marxist. I follow the teachings of Groucho.

Nero & Alexandre Dumas are related to me and that is incredibly awesome. Also vikings, lots of vikings.

TRIAL OF THE DRAGONNNNNNNN

Facebook

deviantART

Tumblr

I am a Russian werewolf mechanic and I have two penises. Now I just gotta find my Sexica.

To everyone who states proudly that they don't read.

Growing up, my dream has always been to be a comic book artist and writer. But presently, I am lamenting the fact that being a freelance artist with no sort of degree offers very little in the way of money. I'm finding myself suffering from a sense of ennui.

Other than that I am attempting to author my first actual book. It's moving better than it once was, but I am no Tolstoy. I have a lot of love for my family, but most of it's for my old man. He has a lot of things eating at him constantly, so I've stuck around to try and balance things out for him. And because I don't feel right leaving him alone with my mother.

I bake cookies & other baked goods from time to time, I vacuum twice a week and try to keep my room and bathroom tidy. Used to do a sizable amount of babysitting for my sister. Good thing I love those kids or she'd be so screwed.

I have one really odd hobby that may turn away some, as it may prove to be too geeky. I customize action figures. To be exact, I customize G.I. Joes and other 1:18 scale figures. I don't see me giving this up either.

I also make mixes when the mood strikes me.

Goals that I may or may not achieve:
- Own a bookstore
- Hang out with Derec Donovan again
- Finish writing my first novel
- Get that bitch published
- Find a lass who will call me Booga during sex
- Eat actual sushi and not that shit that Publix sells
- Sail to the moon and seduce it's queen
- Make Nestle bring back Alpine White bars
- Complete my Sonny Chiba/Bruce Lee collection
- Star in a Multiple Warheadz film as Nikoli
- Conquer most of Eastern Europe
- Win seven lotteries
- Try harder at trying harder
- Write and publish my own dictionary
- Shake hands with George Carlin's ghost
- Immortality
- Meet Jean Reno, followed by an attempt not to orgasm
- Live happily ever after or at least something similar but slightly
more awesome

People have told me I can sing. It may or may not be true. It's hard to tell, as people who care about you tend to be too nice and less honest. I also have a hard time singing in front of others. I am also pretty good at having facial hair.

According to one of my friends, I'm also quite good at brooding. A brooding artist/writer type. I am officially a cliche.

- That I am tall. Very, very tall. I will kaiju all over your ass.
- I dress reasonably nice.
- There is a lot of fur covering my skin.
- I apparently resemble Chuck Klosterman.
- I may just be awesome (opinions may vary).

I enjoy a great many books, movies, series and foods. I could make a list of ungodly length for each. But, in lieu of such a thing, I shall instead throw out a few favourites.

Books: Cabal, Sharp Teeth, Junior, Blankets, Coraline, The Looking Glass Wars series, Solanin, American Gods, Anansi Boys, Sexy Voice & Robo, Beast, High Fidelity, Guin Saga series, The Adventures of Fanboy and Goth Girl, Where the Wild Things Are, The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales, Lost at Sea, To Kill a Mockingbird, Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Infinite Kung Fu, Wicked City series

Movies: Léon, 3-Iron, Inglourious Basterds, Evil Dead 2, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, Wasabi, The Royal Tenenbaums, Summer Wars, SLC Punk, The Host, Flesh + Blood, American Psycho, Lo, Hard Boiled, Total Recall, The Weather Man, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Howard the Duck, The Monster Squad, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Sin City, Lord of the Rings, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, Juno, Crows Zero, Dudes, No Country for Old Men, Immortal, Saved, Mirrormask, Near Dark, Better Luck Tomorrow, The Howling, I Love You, Man, Spirited Away, The Black Swan, Spork, Ink

Shows: Adventure Time, Firefly, Raising Hope, Hell on Wheels, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, Regular Show, Breaking In, Freaks and Geeks, The Amazing World of Gumball, Young Justice, Wilfred, Ugly Americans, Titus, Lucky Louie, Memphis Beat, Falling Skies, Warehouse 13, Thundercats, G.I. Joe: Renegades, The Layover, Green Lantern, Justified, Awake, Gravity Falls, Dexter, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Deadman Wonderland, Grimm, Revolution, Louie

Music: Tom Waits, Daft Punk, Stars, My Terrible Friend, Angus & Julia Stone, Ellie Goulding, The Builders and the Butchers, Two Door Cinema Club, Elliott Smith, Hugo, Mumford & Sons, The Decemberists, Neutral Milk Hotel, Basia Bulat, Chromeo, Architecture in Helsinki, Little Pictures, The Civil Wars, Eisley, Gorillaz, Sufjan Stevens, Justice, Ok Go, Caribou, Childish Gambino, Beirut, The Darkness, Peter Bjorn and John, Muse, Genki Sudo, Cœur de Pirate, Avantasia, Within Temptation, Phoenix, Elvis Perkins in Dearland, Silversun Pickups, Matt the Electrician, Florence + the Machine, Stars, Björn Kleinhenz, Nightwish, Bedouin Soundclash

Comic Series: Simon Dark, Tank Girl, The Walking Dead, Dorohedoro, Popgun, Invincible, Runaways, Multiple Warheads, Dogs, King City, Scott Pilgrim, Fables, I, Zombie, Madman, Gunsmith Cats, Worst, Hopeless Savages, Akira, Deadpool, Preacher, Taskmaster, Rosario + Vampire, Gotham Central, Hatter M, Air Gear, Hack/Slash, Vagabond, Thunderbolts, Kick-Ass, Criminal, Sin City, Mouse Guard, Joe the Barbarian, G.I. Joe, Courtney Crumrin, 30 Days of Night, American Vampire, Generation X, Journey Into Mystery, The Boys, Cowboy Ninja Viking, Flex Mentallo, Chew, Elephantmen, Gladstone's School for World Conquerors, Animal Man, Just a Pilgrim, Love Roma, Mystery Men, The Atomics, Bullet Points, Powerless, Dororo, I Luv Halloween, Kill Me, Kiss Me, Peepo Choo

Artists: Brandon Graham, David Choe, Kazuma Kaneko, Chinua White, Mike Allred, Shohei Manabe, Bryan Lee O'Malley, Jamie Hewlett, Ralph Niese, Barnaby Ward, Katsuhiro Otomo, Dan Brereton, Lily Hoshino, Kate Beaton, Shirow Miwa, Frank Quietly, Range Murata, Enki Bilal, Cory Green, Alex Perez, Takehiko Inoue, Fumi Ishikawa, Marian Churchland, Falcoon, Sean Murphy, Osamu Tezuka, Doug Mahnke, Sheldon Vella, Clément Sauvé, Moebius, Kagan McLeod

Writers: Neil Gaiman, Hideyuki Kikuchi, Alan Moore, Clive Barker, Robert Kirkman, Stephen King, Greg Rucka, Joe Hill, Kaoru Kurimoto, Frank Beddor, Toby Barlow, Kevin J. Anderson, Michael Crichton, Grant Morrison, Kazuo Koike, Samuel Clemens, Bill Willingham, S.D. Perry, Douglas Adams, Peter David, Jen Van Meter, Jason Aaron

Games: Suikoden II, Final Fantasy VIII, Phantom Brave, Megaman Legends, Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete, Chrono Trigger, Blood Will Tell, Maken X, Final Fantasy Tactics, Septerra Core, The Munchables, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Ghosthunter, The Bouncer, Jet Grind Radio, Okage: Shadow King, Trace Memory, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Sengoku Basara, Thousand Arms, Rival Schools, Splatterhouse 2, Suikoden V, Phantom Brave, Onimusha 3: Demon Siege, Wild Arms, Soul Blade, Persona 4

- Green elephants.
- Music that no one else I know listens to.
- Books that you will likely never read.
- Indoor plumbing.
- A pointed stick.
- My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette.

Cold beds, antique movie posters, staying awake until you hallucinate and see things crawl across the bed or up the wall, living forever as a means to better experience life as a whole, taking off your clothing, drawing more often, big hoop earrings and how I cannot stop imagining them snagging on things resulting in a ear-based bloodbath, raising my non-existent kids on horror movies and 2-D games, eating sushi, unintentionally pissing off vegans, sexual healing, telephone serenades, the potential creation of teleportation devices, pizza without sauce, Russian werewolf mechanics.

Just a few thoughts in passing, yes?

At home,winding down with a good book or movie, followed by watching stand-up on Comedy Central. Possibly painting or being badgered to keep someone company. Exciting stuff, I know.

After using the bathroom, I wash my naughty bits. Cleanliness is important.

I have rather pouty lips and am very insecure about it.

- You read the entire wall of text above this.
- Find Robin Williams attractive.
- Like a guy who enjoys cuddling.
- You know that The Street Fighter isn't a movie based on a video game and The Black Swan has nothing to do with ballet.
- Enjoy reading.
- Understand that sex is important, just not most important.
- You prefer The Walking Dead comic series to the television series.
- You'll go on walks with me.
- A Clive Barker movie marathon sounds like an attractive prospect to you. Really just having movie marathons period, as I love me some movies.
- You find me attractive on some level and would like to explore that further.

You should not message me if
- You find hairy guys in their late 20s unattractive.
- You weigh as much as I do. I am not saying you have to be in perfect shape, as I am not. I am only asking that you not be so heavy as to further damage my already bad back further.
- Books bore you and/or you think reading is dumb.
- You don't want to, I suppose. There's no gun to your head, yes?