07/13/15 I was recently asked about my children. Yes, I was a parent to 3 children, and the last one flew into the world in 2000, fifteen years ago. I was also a sailor once for 14 years, and that ended 34 years ago. Today I do not define myself with either past experience.
I have found that my past experiences with wives, children, and jobs is not an accurate predictor of who I have become at this age. I, likewise do not assume that a woman is warm, exciting, and friendly based on words in a profile, or because they have photos with grandkids and pets. Sometimes, profiles convey information about the writer in what they do not say. I like this dating site because it offers questions we can answer about a wide variety of topics. Reading the questions others answer will often show what they will avoid in any future discussions with them, and if their profile text is consistent with their answers. Sometimes it is even noticeable if they have used intellectual integrity to choose their beliefs about the world.
07/01/15 A sane rule a teacher offered me was my energy would flow out of me to others and be instantly replenished from the universe unless I had the channel blocked within me. Thus, others don't steal my energy, I only deprive myself of the access to energy that life offers, then blame others for making me tired.
04/26/15 In this life I have found myself to be on a spiritual journey and not so much a religious one. After many years of study in the inerrant holy books, I discovered that I had to abandon the idea that a God who has shown such a long history of psychopathic behavior toward his creations could also be the God of love. This was necessary so that I could live my life sanely and with usefulness to others. And for me, within each version of myself, I imagine a new vision of me that I can work to become. In this life, I seem to be focused on eighth house issues of birth, sex, death, resurrection via reincarnation and ascension. I have found my immortality hidden within my breath and eternity hidden within the current moment, that life and death are but gateways to the other.
04/21/15 I'm thinking that the search for a soul mate is an attempt by me to believe my soul at an earlier time was willing to do the work to have such a deep connection. That there was a time when my soul was not lazy and didn't expect to get something without working for it. My unwillingness to do the work today for this connection more likely is just a continuation of my soul's ancient laziness.
3/12/15 Ladies...I came into this world a "real man", I was just a smaller one. And I have given up hope that the many bubbly, outgoing ladies found here will be able to overcome their misogynistic(dislike of women embedded within all three religions of Abraham, and planted by social norms so it cannot be seen by even women) conditioning which keeps them from daring to say even a "hello" to a man they find interesting. We all have the exact relationships we desire.
It is 2/20/15. After watching so many of us remain on here for extended times and reading over and over that you ladies are looking for honest, trustworthy, genuine, fun loving real men, I can only assume that none of us guys are out here. It is very likely that if us guys are here, we also haven't often found what we say we seek within the large number of women offering loving kindness, honesty, and openness. Do we have poor picking skills from our past-should we pick again with the old failing selection criteria? Sane thinking would suggest we abandon the rules parents, clergies, and friends approve of us for using. Those in my age group have lived the greatest portion of our lives using old rules and they produce the same shoddy outcomes that "capture and keep" games always give us. I do not look forward to days filled with pre-chewed food, watching TV from distant recliners, and quoting scriptures from books that tell me I need to never fully engage in this life so I can have a later life where my ego feels it is safe in a kindergarden heaven. Each of our lives begin with and end with a year number, separated by a dash. I am going to make the most of my dash. What will you get from a man like me...you get a real man who is wise enough to not want to engage in sex with every woman I have coffee with. I will not create prisons of rules to keep a partner and I will not live in one created by another even if they declare they live by some universal code of behavior and thinking. Moral standards will always be relevant only to the society we live in...they are never universal no matter what we have been told by parents and clergy. I live without causing harm to myself and others. I recognize fantasy within me and others during our first coffees together. I do not have a picture in front of my face of who I want you to believe I am and I have learned to not have a second coffee with ladies that have a picture I am to believe in front of them.
It is 10/27/14. I have begun to see that the close warm loving relationships we are all seeking is more likely a fantasy about something we haven't yet found, at least for the divorced of us. Our long searches imply that we have poor skills in searching or we really seek someone we will not admit to ourselves or others. We all once thought we had found the perfect mate for us with our last ones, and I could not have been talked out of them being the only person I would ever want or need until I died, despite red flags so clearly seen by others. Perhaps if we are honest with ourselves, we might admit that the games we played to "capture and keep" our prior mates didn't work well then and will not likely succeed again. Just maybe we will gain access to heaven by loving many instead of loving only one or being loved by one who was a hostage. I am adding this paragraph as efforts to become the gentle-man my mother hoped for offered in my text has attracted little interest. I am now be willing to interact with you to live out any fantasies you have not found a partner for, with the caveat that no harm will come to us. Maybe this paragraph will elicit more than a "hey there" with its no follow on response.
***Old entry***Feeling loved by another is sweet, but what happens within me when I love is why I search for a partner. This internal condition changes my universe. I desire participation in the changes love creates within you and I offer you participation in the changes I create within me. I take full responsibility for my interior mental and emotional self. If I do not hold you responsible for my interior condition when it is good, you will not have to be blamed should it change.