This profile is an example of that. If you were to meet me on the street, maybe have a brief conversation you would likely think "nice suit but not fancy, clean cut, well spoken, easy going, probably very traditional, overall just a nice guy." What you probably wouldn't think right away is "Wow, that guy is kinky as fuck!" And you would be right, and wrong.
What would probably be going through my mind is "I wonder when she last had an orgasm or three. What brought her to climax - toy, tongue, cock, fingers. Would one or three orgasms make her day a lot better?"
Back to being a dichotomy of sorts. Maybe in this case it's more a trichotomy. I don't need or want sex with my partner one way, I want three:
1. Slow and sensual - Taking our time, soft music/sheets/kisses. Touching every part of my partners body and slowly savoring every moment and gasp.
2. I'm somewhat of a dominant by nature. I don't wear leather and say mean things, but more of the sensual dominant. I enjoy picking a woman up, pinning her against the wall to kiss her deeply, carrying her to the bedroom and throwing her on the bed, pulling her head back and controlling it so I can kiss her neck and breasts. I have restraints and all the toys that go with that. I'm only 3 shades of gray, not a fucked up psycho with mother/stalker issues (or a bad writer for a biographer.)
3. I'd like to watch....my partner that is, with someone else, or listen. Or hear about it immediately after it has happened. Two main reason for this. First, the compersion part of me enjoys that she was being sexually fulfilled. Second, I am competitive and the need to reclaim her as my primary partner would be very strong and immediate. (This is not, I repeat not, about me being humiliated, lacking, dominated, etc.)