militant organizer who is guided by love.
I am polyamorous but am not opposed to monogamy after all without consent it is not polyamory.
I am course and brutal and have been described as cold and detached. Though i love deeply when i love and work for compassion and understanding.
I wanna meet cool queers! Also I am not 30.... but I do not give my age because I feel it ...
I am vicarious, vivacious, and vicious
I am not Attractive|Sexy|Beautiful|Handsome by the social standards, in fact only a very few of you find me to be such and its not generally for my looks at least not solely or not my body as whole. <-Some of you find me to be exotic, some sort of strange creature to satisfy your (either homo|hetero|sexual) fantasies from a safe distance and degree of security from the other.
Whichever the case. Do not worry I understand where you are coming from I do, after all I am product this same society that values submissive|fragile women which I am not and distant|violent men which I am not. I am too masculine to be feminine and to feminine to be masculine. Also to Fat to capitalize on the fashion|marketing industry instrumentation of the Androgynous image. Too Queer for any Binary
On the same vain (not vanity) I am Sexualized and most people think I am hyper sexual for this reason. I do talk openly about sex and sexuality with no reserve but let me suggest that its the former and not this last statement that gives people this perception. Quite simply people think that I am exotic|fetish therefor i have must have sex all the time... Which may or may not be those people wanting explore my exotic flesh...
...This however is not true... The following can also be applied to “Romantic” “Love”
It was brought to my attention that I have not had "Sex" in what is now going to be two years. Not that I need reminding since well I do very much enjoy sex thus I know when the last time I "had" "it" was. I have come close once or twice with one or more people with whom I would have really really like to engage sexually with but alas.
There have been many other opportunities that have presented themselves. Which I have deliberately not taken for several reasons.
Number one: I am not an object with which to fulfill any fantasies. I am not desperate for sex nor do I need it as validation.
Two: I pick who I sleep/fuck/sex/cuddle/make love with not the other way around. Assuming they, both singular or plural pick me too... and Yes only the Finest Quality of Humans/Aliens/ Queer Monsters will do.
Three: For me Sex is like a drug both metaphorically and Biologically it produces the chemicals that synthetic drugs like morphine are based off of. Which means that I need to be stable in terms of my emotions and in control of my desires and the reasons why I WANT.
Four: I understand the power of sex. It has the ability to dived alter and destroy relationships. As activist or Queer the potential pool of partners is rather small, as activist of color or Queer people of color the pool shrinks even further. Thus I put aside my wants... I do not want to add to the Divide and Concur affects of the intentional or UnIntentional MACTIVIST <-(more some other time)
If you are still reading thank you. Let me use this time to assure you that I am not writing about you, unless you think I am in which case I am writing about you by extension of the reason(s) why you think I am writing about you.
Now back to me in the beginning I said that not Attractive|Sexy|Beautiful|Handsome by the social standards. By no means am I saying that is how I view myself, but I am not exempt from those standards. Not within myself or with how I see you. I have worked hard on my insecurities and trust issues. I am not near finished with this work after all it my life up until now to unlearn. More challenging is that it has been thought for generation now. This means that I still have my moments of insecurity which may be projected onto you.
Now to end this let me purpose the following. Lets talk about sex. If you want to experiment with me I am down lets do it. BUT YOU HAVE TO OWN IT.
Here are the rules: we recognize what its that we want and why we want it. You do not hide your actions or ask me to hide them for your sake or mine. No more veiling your sexually charged and explicit messages behind DRUNKENESS.
STOP VIWEING MY SENSE OF SELF OR IDENTIY AS MEANS TO JUSTIFY OR MAINTAIN YOUR SEXUALITY.
Work in progress... But I want to share this for now since its still fresh.