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untidy1

61 / M / Straight / Available

Peoria, Illinois

His journal posts

A Question for the Ladies

Feb 20, 2008

In reading some of the profiles and journal posts, I have come to realize that there are some VERY intelligent ladies that participate in this site. So, I would like to present my quandary and ask for your opinions.

I am married, and believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment.

About 10 years ago, my wife went through menopause, and its associated vaginal dryness and atrophy. She has seen no reason to seek medical or other counseling about this condition and seems to be perfectly content with our now asexual marriage.

So, over the last 10 years I have become a miserable, hateful, old man. I can't bring myself to be happy living with a "roommate" and enjoying visits from the grandchildren. And I can't force myself to divorce her just because of a lack of sexual activity. And for those who have been there, you know that masturbation is no substitute for physical relations with the opposite sex.

That is what led me to find OkCupid - the thought that perhaps there might be a female counterpart out there that might be looking for the same thing.

Am I wrong to feel that I am entitled to physical pleasure in my life?

Should I feel like I'm cheating if its something my spouse is no longer interested in?

Am I too shallow a person if I have allowed my lack of sex to ruin my life?
In reading some of the profiles and journal posts, I have come torealize that there are some VERY intelligent ladies thatparticipate in this site. So, I would like to present my quandaryand ask for your opinions.

I am married, and believe that marriage is a lifetimecommitment.

About 10 years ago, my wife went through menopause, and itsassociated vaginal dryness and atrophy. She has seen no reason toseek medical or other counseling about this condition and seems tobe perfectly content with our now asexual marriage.

So, over the last 10 years I have become a miserable, hateful, oldman. I can't bring myself to be happy living with a "roommate" andenjoying visits from the grandchildren. And I can't force myself todivorce her just because of a lack of sexual activity. And forthose who have been there, you know that masturbation is nosubstitute for physical relations with the opposite sex.

That is what led me to find OkCupid - the thought that perhapsthere might be a female counterpart out there that might be lookingfor the same thing.

Am I wrong to feel that I am entitled to physical pleasure in mylife?

Should I feel like I'm cheating if its something my spouse is nolonger interested in?

Am I too shallow a person if I have allowed my lack of sex to ruinmy life?
A Question for the Ladies
You want what you want...It is a very legitimate desire. I would encourage you to discuss this with your wife. If she loves you she should understand...if she does not perhaps the relationship does not fit anymore. People change in their desires as well as other ways. True love is forever but can change forms also. She may be open to you seeing other people. The question is can you do it without feeling the guilt that our society tells us we should feel for having desires like this. Accept your desires with openess and love for yourself or you will be in world of hurt.

A former user commented on Feb 20, 2008

You need to ask her if other things are going on. If she is resentful of you for whatever reason, then that will affect her desire for you. BTDT. You need open, honest communication, and she needs to see a doctor and you need to go with her. Post menopause sex can still be good. Have you let your personal grooming slide, no one wants to be close to a stinky body. We all desire an intimate connection, you need to find out from her why she is willing to forego the intimacy. Let her know that you miss the connection and the closeness and you will do what is necessary to get it back.

A former user commented on Feb 20, 2008