Evil genius seeks same for world domination.

Do you find yourself saying things like, "being an evil genius is fun, but it is so much work, and there are so many other evil geniuses out there that it is difficult to take over a small city, much less the entire planet."?

If so, the problem may be that you're trying to go it alone. Life is so complicated nowadays, what with training winged monkey soldiers and designing global death rays. Not to mention keeping track of all those who laughed at our earlier work, but someday will laugh no more. Maybe we evil geniuses need to work together.

Now I'm not talking about a minion. Minions are unreliable, and never quite as smart as they think they are. And I don't think a league of evil geniuses would work, as there are just too many opportunities for glorious treachery and betrayal.

No, the solution is two evil geniuses in a closely-knit alliance. And since evil geniuses need love too, this boy evil genius would like to find a girl evil genius.

Imagine it: We walk down the street, hand-in-hand, laughing up our sleeves (not the sleeves of the hands we're holding, that would be awkward) at the foolish little mortals as they live their foolish little lives. Only we would know that we were both evil geniuses, and thus better than all that.

And as we got to know one another better, we could work on projects together (for example, my death ray is just a green laser pointer and a couple of mirrors; I think I need a fresh set of eyes on it). We could start to build a life together. The thing about evil geniuses is that once they decide something, they go all in.

Who knows? Once we get together, we may find ourselves so happy that we realize the world doesn't need to be dominated this week. Maybe we'll just hit the slopes at Mammoth instead.

Please have a menacing laugh and look good in spandex and a cape.

I am carbon, hydrogen, and trace elements

I have invented the bjurt, the most amazing structure since the dawn of time. I am now promoting this structure, as well as performing charitable acts. I know this doesn't sound very evil, but I need to lull the world into a false sense of security.

You see, the bjurt can be set up quickly, so it makes a good temporary kitchen, storage unit, or dwelling. With the recent wildfires, people have lost structures and need replacements. I am donating bjurts and helping to set them up. This puts me in disaster areas where there is always more to do.

But, when the bjurts are ubiquitous, I shall issue the secret, overly complex, command code and the bjurts shall rise to do my bidding! Imagine millions of evil spiders, randomly walking off cliffs and bumping into each other (I knew I should have designed eyes into those things). It will be glorious, if a bit pathetic...

Meth. I mean math. Math. And math is hard, so I'm probably good at a whole bunch of easier things too.

I also dabble in sculpture, electronics/software projects, acting, dancing, cooking, and I can move heavy things.

But lately (and I know I started that sentence with a conjunction, but that's what I do; get over it), I've been marketing and selling these bjurts, and I've found I have a real talent for getting on with large groups of people. I enjoy looking into people's eyes and gaging whether I'm entertaining or annoying. I'm very close to getting my mass hypnosis certificate from the Evil Genius Technical Institute (a small, but prestigious two-year school school near the Gravity Wells of Vicarius Ultime).

My lovely green-hazel eyes, my firm handshake, my broad shoulders, or my awesome (yet always appropriate) hugs.

Books: The Collected Works of William Shakespeare, Of Human Bondage, The Great Gatsby

Movies: Art house flicks

Music: Techno, alternative, eclectic

Foods: A little of everything, although bacon is way better than it should be

I don't know. Humans are so adaptable. While there is life, there is hope.

How to improve an already good life. How to improve the world. Heck, if I'm going to take it over anyway, I want it to be a good planet. I want to be the envy of all the other evil geniuses across the cosmos.

I mean it's really embarrassing at the intergalactic evil genius conventions to have to explain that you couldn't get control of global warming, so you couldn't support enough cattle to clothe the thuggery in leather. You end up with all the local toughs looking like Ricardo Montalban (remember how resplendently the phrase "Fine Corinthian Leather" rolled off his tongue?) in "Fantasy Island" instead of Ricardo Montalban in "Wrath of Khan". He may have been, essentially, an evolutionarily regressive two-dimensional thinker, but he certainly knew that full-body leathers could make a man. I mean, you can make leather out of human skin, but it really doesn't work as well as you might think. Heavy hangs the head that wears the electro-dynamic brain-shield.

Going out with friends or watching a little TV while working on a project.

I don't think the authorities are on to me yet.

You like the unconventional.