Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


38 M Austin, TX

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:57pm
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Mostly vegetarian
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from Ph.D program
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Okay), German (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
My prenatal memories are hazy, so I'll just begin with the orphanage. Those were hard years: always scrounging for more soup; pick-pocketing just to get by; unintelligible Cockney accents. That evil schoolmarm figure who used to run the place. She absolutely hated children, yet she'd become the manager of an orphanage. You'd assume from that incongruity that she'd landed the job accidentally, but no, she'd actually gotten her masters in orphanage management from Syracuse.

Anyway, to pass the time, I used to lead the orphans in these impromptu ensemble numbers, much like that red-headed girl at the orphanage across the street. Main difference between me and her was that her songs were all self-pitying. "Aw, poor us. What a hard-knock life it is. Wah wah, etc." Half that shit she stole from Jay-Z. Anyway, mine were more just observational. Dark and brooding, yes, but with a matter-of-fact tone, sort of like if Johnny Cash had sung about mopping floors and wishing his benefactor would come along.

But of course your benefactor never does come along. I mean, sure, every once in awhile you get a kid who hangs around the marshes all day and lucks out because some escaped convict passes through, but that's like one in a million. In any case, it never happened to me. I hung around the marshes, sure. Even helped out an escaped convict now and then. But they all turned out to be losers with limited earning potential.

So picture me at 18: no money, no job, no skills (except for really advanced choreography skills, but what are you gonna do with that?)--so in the classic American style, I drifted west.

The rest is a series of phases which space permits me to sketch here only in the broadest socio-biographical terms. There was the period in which I was known only as "the gunslinger." Friends and enemies alike called me by that moniker, and to this day the Indians in the mountains sing a folk song about my exploits. There was the period in which I wandered the desert, caught in a hallucinatory stupor from some peyote given to me by an old Indian. That's when I met my animal companion spirit. (A jaguar.) And then there was the period in which, having returned to civilization, I sought redemption in the arms of Clarabella, daughter of the town constable and (regrettably) the fiancé of my business partner, Abe.

Whatever. Don't feel bad for Abe. Basically, the way it worked out is that I got Clarabella and Abe got our business venture, which was based on my whole peyote experience--so now pretty much any time you so much as utter the words "Burning Man," Abe gets a licensing fee and adds a new addition to his home. And meanwhile Clarabella turned out to be kind of a beezie.

And so now begin my ATX years.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm in this club where, like... ok, I'm not actually allowed to tell you about it. (In fact, that's the very FIRST rule of this club, as the dude who founded it is so fond of saying. And indeed it's also the second rule. (Which is sort of overkill in my opinion.)) In any case, it's a really great bunch of guys, if you can get past all the punching and stuff. Let's just leave it that.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-Grave robbing
-Card counting
-Jai alai
-Rubik's cube (messing up, not solving)
-Icy stares of the most devastating sort
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Both my job and my religion require that I go completely unnoticed.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
movies: Fargo, Blue Velvet, Mulholland Drive, City of God, Goodfellas, The Lives of Others, Junebug, Half Nelson, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Win a Date With Tad Hamilton!, Teen Wolf, that one about those guys who go around hunting ghosts and Bill Murray is in it but I can't remember what it's called but I'd totally know it if I heard it (like ghostslayers?)

books: A Visit from the Goon Squad, Perfume, The Goldfinch, The Secret History, Huckleberry Finn, The Great Gatsby, The Stranger, Me Talk Pretty One Day, The Pale King, Caleb Williams, The Life & Opinions of Tristram Shandy

tv: The Wire, Arrested Development, Six Feet Under, Carnivale, Flight of the Conchords, Twin Peaks, Taxi, Cheers, Small Wonder

music: Jane's Rehabilitation, Decimal Metaphor, The Narcoleptics, Bowie, Junior Boys, Little Dragon, Ted Leo, Neutral Milk Hotel, Pom Pom Deficit, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits, Minor Threat, Black Flag, Champagne Suicide, Johnny Cash
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
heroin, and five things I can sell to get more heroin
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
how to unlock this ankle monitor
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
sorting over the pieces of my shattered psyche
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
In the checkout line, I hedge against the possibility of an incompetent grocery bagger by placing my items on the conveyor belt roughly in order from sturdiest to least sturdy -- thereby reducing the chances that the delicate stuff will get crushed by the heavier stuff.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 28–42
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
the spirit moves you (by which I don't mean specifically the Holy Spirit per se, inasmuch as, in all honesty, if you believe in that then we're probably getting off on the wrong foot. Instead, I just mean spirit in the broad sense of, like, motivational forces operating beyond one's own comprehension. You know.)