I have lived in Puerto Rico, New Jersey, Ohio, California, Peoples Republic of China and Florida before coming to New Mexico. I have been in NM since 2003. I speak English and Spanish, have forgotten most of my Mandarin.
At 40 I went back to Puerto Rico and continued the same relationship I had with my parents before I left for college at 17: good with my mother, adversarial with my father. That changed one Saturday afternoon. I had come to visit for the weekend, my oldest brother came in as well, he drove a van. My father asked if we could go to the corner store and get him some corn for the chickens, we both went, bought a 49 pound bag of split corn and went back. I jumped out of the van, grabbed the bag of corn and carried it towards my father who was still sitting on the front porch. I asked him where he wanted the corn and he pointed to the floor next to his seat, I dropped it there and watched him try to pull it up and his eyes filled with tears as he realized that his baby girl was now stronger than him. At the same time I realized the man I had been fighting with was no longer there.
After that we had a very good relationship and I deplore that we wasted so much time, that we missed so many good times. We don't know what we don't know… I don't want to waste any more time in fruitless conflict, I would like to find a good friend I can cooperate with, talk to, perhaps share nice outings and vacations or just cook a meal or work in the garden together. Simple things, but in life the simple things can be the most difficult. Humans are not frozen in a particular mode, life happens, people change, the person who was ideal 20 years ago can easily be an enemy today. But there are couples who have enough compatibility to adjust and stay together through life, to be friends, partners, collaborators. That is what I am looking for and what I am willing to be.