I believe it's time for another entry. I've decided that I'm going to start a new project.

Since the death of the Saturday morning cartoon a few years ago, there hasn't been a decent animation based on a comic book. I place the blame on the decay of decent Saturday morning cartoons squarely on the shoulders of the "4 Kids Television" production company. Since Pokemon changed formats they have endorsed the marginalizing of animation art styles. Whatever is the quickest easiest thing to import into flash and pop onto the screen is what passes for the next gen cartoons. This is why I have decided to strike the word "cartoon" from my vocabulary.

Since this is the case I have decided to implement an idea an estranged friend and I were working on to produce in comic format. I want to animate in 3D a detailed action oriented superhero story. It's very difficult to produce a cinematic action animation in 3-D especially without the means for motion capture or a crew to help with all the different steps involved. I am going to film an animatic live and model all the characters and environments from scratch. I think this could work but who knows.

I don't know why I'm putting this on okc but I hate blog and I have not yet given myself over to twitter.

Ok so Basically the ending of that last rant is this. I realized that I'm satisfied with both searching the magical rooftop girl and remaining aloof and waiting for her to come to me.The love interest always comes last.

I've been down in the dumps the last few years because I have had no villain! No one in my life to compete with, fight, debate, or struggle. But now something occurred to me. I think my villain is the entire southeast. There is just something oppressive and contentious for me with the very air down here. It has thwarted every attempt to make progress with my goals. I've always had a problem with the whole polite facade that many people put up. They only do this until they can get under your guard and stab you in the back.

I recently met up with an old classmate from high school and she just seemed so empty.I never once got that feeling from anyone in Syracuse. Not even the locals, the ones that only thought about 3 things: their jobs, sports, and booze. They always had such personality. They were quirky or funny and they never apologized. They never said anything or did anything that they personally couldn't explain as part of their personal value system. They lied, cheated stole, but they were honest with themselves. To me that they just had so much substance. Did I want to drink with them or even get to know them? $#!t no! But it was funny to watch them carry on every so often.

I am in no way saying that everyone in the south east is empty or lying or anything like that. I'm just saying that the conservative grip over southern sociology is a tight one and it gets in the way of really making a connection with anyone. I just wish that conservative vibe could concentrate itself 100% within one individual so that I could have a real tangible villain's ass to kick!

Ok. For anyone who reads this, I'm sorry about the randomness or even the scripted nature of it. I don't mean to make this a story that's just the way most people envision their lives: As an epic tale with themselves as the existential main character. The type of story of course depends on the person.

Now to get to the backstory leading to the climax or the point. The reason I first signed up for this damn site was to meet some new friends and possibly someone to date causally in New York. Then I realized that my priorities changed after college. I wanted to find the "mysterious girl on the roof." To understand this it must be said that my story is and always will be that of an urban mythological hero known commonly as "a super hero" or "homo superior" if you read any x-men comics.

I'm not so deluded as to believe they have flesh and blood encarnations in our cynical real world-reality. I do however believe that every story/joke/lie has foundations in reality. The teller has to have their muse so to speak...Anyway, so I believe that the woman I end up with/marry/spend the rest of my life with; is the one I can take up onto the roof of a large sky scraper, look out upon a city during the sunrise and just freeze time forever suspended in perfect happiness right before the action begins. (By action I mean actual the hero, in this case being me, rushes off to save the city or rescue a cat in a tree, etc.) It's a grand fantasy. Friends of mine have tried to erase the fantasy with their mockings and what not. They tell me: "no woman in her right mind would participate in that situation under those circumstances."Or:

"forget that crap and settle for the next person you hook up with."

I'll admit, what they say is peppered in truth and I realize this, but I'm too much of a romantic sap to give up on that particular dream.

 

Intermission...need to catch my mental breath!

Ok. I don't usually post blogs or journals but I thought I might as well get to writing something so the thoughts don't become sediment at the bottom of my cranial cavity. 

So I was out with some friends the other night and I realized that I have actually gotten more confident and better with the one liners despite my current misanthropic lifestyle. It's as if socialization was an intstinct that could only be honed through isolation. I don't know. It's probably the adrenaline, mixed with my natural awesomeness and showmanship, mixed further with a strong case of cabin fever.

I've started to create some new models and am trying to resurrect the 'ol storyboard technique to get inspired. I was never very good at getting my ideas organized on paper. Dictation was always the way to go.

Eh I think I'll cut this session off for, now so for all of you aspiring Freudians, stay tuned for more juicy goodness to come!

So I was watching the Boondocks at about 3:30 a.m. and all of a sudden the character Uncle Ruckus reminded me of a certain ex-friend of mine. He was talking about loving white women and how they get together with black men out of pity and that wasn't what caught my attention as a microcosm so much as another example of his nature as a character. He's a black man who wishes he were white, and that's exactly like a former friend of mine who lives in Atlanta. He is a young gay gentleman who is constantly wishing he were straight. Everyone wants him to just be himself but he fights his instincts at every turn. He would put his soul at ease and the worries of all of his friends, err well friend now, if he would just admit the team for which he is playing. Anyway he's not as funny or interesting as "Uncle Ruckus" but he pretends he is.

I want to embark on a psychological animation. The concept will be simple. A man confined to a space for a long period of time contemplating his existence in accordance with his depressive introspective rants. I will try to go into full detail with facial expression, dialog synced mouth movements, pacing both slow and fragmented quick steps, and even some mood interchange shots.

A friend is going to come over and help shoot the animatic footage at my apartment and I'm going to attempt to pull the entire thing out into a fantasy in the end as an escapist device, but I'm not sure how I'll do that just yet. Right now I'm going over the storyboard and concept design. Yes I'm making a mock model of the initial character, but only because I know how labor intensive the detail work will be in creating the realism of a lifelike human. I don't want this to be stylized realism I want to come as close as I can to actual realism.

My goal in this is to delve as deeply as possible into the human psyche and reveal a part of myself as well as uncover some stigma about depression. This is not a service announcement, nor is this a pity party for a tortured soul. This has to be honest, and forthright or it won't work. The animation has to be spot on or it will seem like just another shrek ripoff. I'm going for purity, not fluff, integrity, not gimmicks.

Quiet thoughts within my innermost sanctum. How much love does it take to keep someone on a path on which only the heart can guide? Motivation and intelligence don't collide enough in my book. Inspiration is scarce. maybe a shower will wash away my darkness and restore my strength.

Is there even a me anymore? Man this is emo, ok now I'm just ranting randomly and idiotically within my subconscious.

Ok ice broken, now onto other matters. I believe it is time to start unravelling my legend. I am one of the last epic heroes alive. I am not deluded and I do not do any sort of halucinogenic drugs, however I do have beautiful images dancing through my head at all times, as I'm sure most artists do. I say I'm one of the last epic heroes because I struggle to keep the ideals of old mythic warriors alive in today's society when 99% of people tend to try to either kill them or blend them into the melting pot of the modern day world that eventually there is nothing left that made them unique in the first place. I'm not down with that!

I'm a storyteller and artist by trade who focuses on urban myhthology. But it isn't enough to simply say that you write it or read it. In my opinion a real tribute is one that allows you to live it or at least pieces of it without getting arrested. An example of this of course being that one of my heroes is Superman. Yes I'm an old school fan, been reading the old Action Comics since I was old enough to read. Now I'm sure onlookers of this journal entry are wondering "how can he incorporate such a dynamically different and fantastic type of character's traits into his life without being wheeled away by large guys in white coats." The answer is simple. Take what pieces you can out of the whole "selfless heroism" appeal and apply them to your life. I did this by working as a life guard in college while volunteering at various inner city institutions, then in college I worked as an EMT for several semesters, and now I'm going to try to join a neighborhood watch and I was considering for a long time and still considering being a volunteer fireman on my off hours. I must get my demo reel ready first for applications to California jobs but after that, it will be my first priority. And maybe just for giggles someone will find me on a roof top somewhere in a mask and ninja outfit, (just kidding, or am I?). Anyway, that is just a snippet of the beginning of my legend. Believe me there's still a long way to go! Enjoy what there is and patiently anticipate more!

ok, first posting. A friend of mine convinced me to put some stuff in the journal so here goes. As of late I meditate within the sanctity of my work. I use it as a shelter and recently when I tried to venture outside the walls of safety within my own conciousness, I was greeted coldly with sheisters and thieves. Yes I speak of apartment hunting! I'm moving to Atlanta where more work is located so that it is possible to syndicate my life. I've been a freelancer too long and am in desperate need of someone else telling me what to draw. Meanwhile I plug away at my 3d animations. My passion will probably ultimately be my undoing as cliched as that sounds but there it is. Ok so 1st entry, I think it went well, how 'bout you America?