Time for another update, as I have been on OKC for over a year now. My profile is LONG, so if you find reading a chore, is is probably best to use that Back button. This is going to be my second re-write, and I will probably do it piecemeal, so I hope it doesn't come across as too disjointed.
I came to this site initially to find sex, not just casual sex, but connected sex, with men who enjoy not only the destination but also the journey. I found that, and in meeting my physical/emotional needs on one level, this gave me space to consider what I am seeking in the longer-term.
I am looking for a life partner, someone to share my day to day with. Ideally, I wish to leave London to share a home with someone who is interested in low carbon footprint living (not to the point of discomfort, but conscious). I keep bees and chickens, and attempt to grow vegetables and fruit, and would like to find someone to share that interest.
I have two children, one at uni and another starting in Sept 2014, and have had the unexpected arrival of a grandchild which has changed my life and plans somewhat. My daughter was raped and concealed her pregnancy for 8 months (and no, I am not a completely oblivious mother - she managed to conceal it from EVERYONE, including a whole room full of Women's Institute colleagues at nearly 8 months. In utter denial, I had to support her while she decided to give the baby up or keep it, getting her ready for the birth and helping her feel hope for her future. So, my life currently is looking after my granddaughter and children, seeking employment after doing my bit to support my daughter through her A-levels (getting ABC in geography, history and politics) before she starts university in London next year.
So, quite a twisty turn from my original plan to relocate out of London to keep my bees and chickens, enjoying green countryside and breathing cleaner air. I would prefer to be near enough to an urban area enjoy cultural activities like concerts, exhibitions, theatre, etc., but crave greenness and open space. I want to live somewhere beautiful that feeds my spirit.
I am shortly to be divorced, with my husband having moved out to live with his new love, acquired online. We get along ok, but have recognised that we have different life goals and have drifted apart. Yes, I do feel hurt and angry that he would not put any effort into our own relationship, but found it easy enough to do with another, but I also would not wish him back in my life. I wish him well.
I am not someone who likes conflict and drama. I readily compromise if it is not something important, and will hold my corner for something that is.
I am really only interested in UNATTACHED men. I am not interested in being someone "on the side" or a "secret liaison". Yes, I understand that you can be "married" and "single", as that is what I am. But if you are in a relationship that you are absolutely tied to, and have no intention or desire to form a bond anywhere else, I am not the woman for you.
That said, I am also not averse to the idea of forming an open relationship, but recognise that this takes commitment, honesty and an active engagement in creating a successful relationship. I am looking for someone who wants a bedrock relationship, of possibly sharing a home, meals, life, laughter and love, but is secure enough in himself to recognise that others can be threaded through life without dislodging that commitment and relationship.
Don't get me wrong, I have in my past always been a monogamous woman within my relationships, committed to the man I shared my life with, but I am older now and now have lovers that I value very much, who are very good friends as well as lovers, but whom I have no possibility of living with. I would like to maintain these relationships, as "treat lovers", as they are men who add something very valuable to my life in terms of friendship, love and enjoyable sex.
I am not fixed on this course either, and this may shift as a new "core" relationship forms. We could have a monogamous relationship, or not... it is what we make of it. We would probably be attached, but living separately, at least for the moment. I think it will make an interesting point of open communication, and I recognise that I am hoping to find someone quite unusual. I am not looking for a marriage, so if that is what you are seeking - a traditional kind of pair-bonding, I am not going to be a good match. I do not think it is relevant for a woman of my age, and really don't need a state "stamp of approval" on my relationship.
I am attracted to assertive men, with a strong sense of themselves and who have direction in their lives, but are open to making room for my own desires and dreams and allowing me to share in his. I am submissive in nature, but would not give myself a label of "submissive", for I am not. I enjoy pleasing others, thinking about the needs of others and filling them when I can but I too need that reciprocated. I need to feel cared for too. I am not an eyes-averted kind of woman and am definitely not into being shoehorned into any particular role, but am open to playing. The dynamic I seek will feed both of our natures to mutual benefit. Synergy rather than dom/sub. I want someone to challenge me, comfort me, encourage me, hold me, and who needs that from me too. Discussing this with a friend the other day, we came up with "gourmet vanilla" as a descriptor. :^)
I have answered lots and lots and lots of questions, so you can find out a lot about me there. I do think that the OKC match has some validity - especially when questions are answered honestly - but I also treat it with some caution. I am looking for men who have a high friend match, as well as a good overall match. My past experience has shown that the friend match is pretty crucial, as a 99% match with a low friend match doesn't really work. To have more confidence in the validity of the match rates, at least 100 questions need to be answered. If you haven't put that much effort into the questions, then I am unlikely to respond. I am looking for someone who is willing to have a real go at this, providing some openness about himself so that it is easier to see if we might work.
I tend to look for men who are at least 50, simply because I have found that so many men below 50 are looking for younger women or just sex. If you are younger than 50, and are serious about looking for a relationship, rather than just sex, please feel free to contact me. I need to know what you are looking for, though, as I have had too many men just tell me that they really like older women without saying why, or what kind of relationships they have had with older women. I struggle with the idea that a hot younger man would be interested in me. I do like men who are younger than me, but not half my age.
If you have got this far...
SOME INSIGHT INTO ME
I am left-wing, an ageing hippie, and prefer kindred spirits. I voted for Obama in the last election, and the one before, despite my disappointment with his progress. I am coming to the conclusion that elections are more and more a farce, a simple means of allowing the profit fodder to feel like they have some control over their lives. In the UK, I vote Green as my protest against the lurch to the right by Labour, unless there is a risk that a Conservative will get in. My first vote for Obama was the first time I felt I was voting FOR someone, while my second was against the lunatic right-wing. Wouldn't it be nice if all elections gave us something to vote FOR? A positive vote? A real choice?
I'm 5'6", 85kg (sorry, I haven't quite made the transition to metric entirely!) - a typical pear-shaped woman with small breasts and too-large hips (though I have been repeatedly told I have a nice ass). Caveat emptor. Longish greying hair. A body marked by child-bearing. I believe in honesty, so I have pointed out what I perceive as my potential shortcomings, because if you are going to reject me on physical grounds I would much rather you do it at this stage BEFORE we meet in person, especially if I am making some effort to travel to you. If body type IS important to you, think about it carefully.
I am a size UK 14 on top (US 10) and a size UK 16 on bottom (US 12) - but my waist tends to be too small in proportion to my hips so I find it difficult to find trousers to fit well. If you don't understand that, go and look at some women's clothes and make certain that I am not outside your desirable range.
I am actively (and successfully!) seeking to lose weight through controlling when I eat and what/how much I eat and increasing my activity. I cannot cope with restrictive diets (like "don't eat white things" or calorie counting), as I do eat well, just too much for my activity level! I think that "diets" are stupid, and that re-training/controllling what I eat and increasing my activity level (perhaps you can help with that?) is much more important than restricting certain foods for sustainable weight loss.
I am very keen on good food, and like growing my own food (though I am not very good at it), I have kept chickens since 2005 and kept bees since 2007, and currently have 4 hives. My bees produce the most fantastic honey, with a real bouquet of flavour - you can taste all the different things they have fed on.
I enjoy cooking, but not all the time, so I would welcome a co-cook in the kitchen. It would really be fun to prepare meals together. TOGETHER! Chatting while we chop onions, prepare a salad, stop for a neck nibble and caress while the onions and garlic soften. Mmmm....
I have always worked, except for maternity leave, but have become one of the casualties of the "cuts" needed to pay for the wars and bailouts of the bankers... I have been made redundant from local government after 24 years service, and delighted to have escaped with my pension intact (a pensioner! Imagine that!). As I have been unable to take up employment due to my caring responsibilities, I am making candles and selling them, soaps, creams, lavender bags and secondhand books (the latter as "pay what you like") on a market stall. I am currently looking for employment that will use my data analysis and demography skills. I really disliked the administration of where I formerly worked, but really loved the work and was passionately geeky about it.
I have never been a "housewife", but as I have gotten older, I could see the attraction of being a cook and home-maker, instead of having those roles simply added on to my paid employment. As I have now managed to get my pension, I would rather work part-time, really, to have the social engagement and mental stimulation of work but the opportunity to enhance my home life. If I won the lottery, I would still work because I like to have that wider focus.
I have been a member of a naturist club, and would be delighted to find someone else who likes getting nude in the sun. I'd like to explore other naturist venues (not for swinging, but for enjoying the feeling of being unclothed outdoors). I like hanging around the house nude when it is warm, and so should you.