I was born a poor black child. No wait, that's Steve Martin.

I fell into a cave and then my parents were murdered in a mugging. No, that's Adam West/Micheal Keaton/Val Kilmer/George Clooney/Christian Bale.

Ok, I think this is it...

I grew up in Grand Rapids, left to bounce around the country for a few years, and moved back. I love this city and I plan on staying. Also because the second I leave, something cool will happen and I'll be pissed.

I work as a mechanic in a large dealership. I like not taking my work home with me. Because of the mess it would make in my kitchen.

Basically, I do whatever sounds fun at the moment, as long as it isn't likely to get me arrested, fired, injured or bankrupt. Or murdered, robbed, trampled, stabbed or frozen in a meat locker. I guess there's a lot of limitations on my actions, but it doesn't seem so bad once they've been internalized.

Fixing cars for a paycheck. Driving too fast. Ruining clutches. Watching Netflix. Taking over the world, using 1's and 0's.

Lightening the mood. I've been known to crack wise from time to time. I also have a vast knowledge of TV and movie, pop culture and history trivia, which I use to make jokes.

I'm very good at describing strangers in public places using two discerning features seperated by "Mc". Examples include Horseface McCapris, NoNose McFrostedTips, and BowTie McBowTie. A bow tie counts double.

My oversize cranium.

Movies: Most things by Darren Arnofsky, Oliver Stone and Luc Besson. Jackie Brown. Magnolia. Back to the Future. Over the Top. Amelie. Sleepers. A million movies.

TV: NBC Thursdays. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The Wire. Roseanne. Arrested Development. The Shield. Veronica Mars. Mad Men. Top Gear. So many more.

Music: Nick Cave, Small Brown Bike, Lucero, Bruce Springsteen, Zed's Dead, Gaslight Anthem, Thin Lizzy, Kings of Leon. Pretty much everything.

Books: American Skin, Microserfs. Hunter S. Thompson and other nonfiction.

Reddit

TV. Illegally downloaded media. My keys. Socks. Computer. A liver.

What to do in the next 20 minutes.

Not talking about nerd stuff. And then doing it anyway.

How many sides does a die need to be considered a sphere?

Out with friends, drinking and judging.

I listen to Ani Difranco. And Paramore. And lots of other embarrassing music.

And I HATE Prairie Home Companion.

You don't mind having your shortcomings pointed out in an amusing manner. You want to get a drink and make fun of everyone in sight. You know what nullsec is, or would like to find out.