I am not a good catch. I have terrible eyes. I take that back. My eyes are striking. I have terrible vision. My depth perception is ridiculously bad. So when flying objects are moving in my general direction, I just try to not get hit or knock it out of the air.

I do have glasses but my eyes are too pretty to wear them. I failed the eye exam when I renewed my driver's license. I had to flirt with the girl behind the counter to let me pass.

But seriously, I work in finance and just got into grad school for my Masters. On top of working in such a sweet (boring) field, I work out. I like to work out. Have you seen American Psycho? I can totally do more sit ups than Christian Bale.

Surviving.

Getting a place at the table.

Commissioning paintings of myself in outlandishly manly situations.

Playing in excel with no general direction while discovering secret cheat codes that finish work in mere moments.

Life. For some reason, I have just been kicking its ass lately.

Yoga - New Years goal is to hit my front splits... and squats. You haven't seen perfection until you've seen my form.

My ridiculously perfect posture, my baby blues...and how fit and manly I am.

Movies:
A Knight's Tale
American Psycho
The Replacements
Old School
Anything with Arnold or 80s action movies that have a ridiculously high BMI. Did you see the Expendables? That shit was hilariously awesome and definitely not from the 80s. Why can't more movies be like this? Instead, we get stuck with little brittish kids with bad eye sight and magic powers. How can your chosen one be awesome if he has glasses?! This makes no sense!

Music:
The Rolling Stones. Mick Jagger is what a rock star should be. Screw that Beatles hippie BS. Honestly, would you rather be a hippie or a rock star? I choose rock star. Either way, if they ever got into a fight, the Stones would kick the shit out of the Beatles. Yes, they are mostly dead, but even if they weren't, I am pretty sure Keith Richards is immortal. He sleeps hanging upside down like a bat.

Food:
I'm not picky about what I eat. Although I do not want Chinese food. I also don't like fast food burger places since they are unhealthy. Trans fat is gross. Is there a good Italian place around? Please don't make me do Italian. I tend to spill sauce on my stuff. If a restaurant sells hamburgers I will most likely choose one of those, unless they require serving it with a bun...I am strongly opposed to carbohydrates and will refuse to eat a plate with any served on it. I should also stay away from places that have spicy foods. I will get the spiciest thing possible and my stomach will hate me for it. I am totally fine with it hating me because I hate it equally since it is such a jerk.

Mirrors.
Does exercise count? I don't think a gym is necessary, just exercise in general or else I wouldn't really need any mirrors.
Competition.
Sports.
Accessories needed for sports.
Food. I am nearly 100% sure that we all need that one.

The zombie apocalypse. Every day on my way to work, I am planning how to react if the metro was attacked by zombies. I think my plan is sound.

Skynet. Screw you, Skynet.

Maybe I'll start off at the park stealing the frisbee from some hipsters' ultimate frisbee game and throw it into the woods so that they might learn to play real sports. After, I'll spend a decent hunk of time throwing pennies at a hippie drum circle before kicking their hackie sack to the moon.

Or, on an epic adventure to stop the Nothing from consuming all of Fantasia.

I like puns way more than I should. My fantasy football team is the Dallas Meowboys. HAH! WIN! I seriously hate the Cowboys though.

I was held inside during recess in kindergarten on multiple occasions because I couldn't color inside the lines. I still can't color inside the lines. I'm not sure if it's that I lack the ability to do so or if it's the understanding that coloring was a total waste of time in kindergarten. I guess the latter can't be the case because coloring books rule now that I'm not forced to color. I still can't figure out this line thing though...

You have uninterrupted prosperity and use a machete to cut through red tape.

You have fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is sharp like tinted glass.

You're fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack.

or

You feel like telling me a story that may or may not be true.