Like so many great American statesman and titans of industry before
me, I was born and raised up in the South and then promptly left as
an adult. I still sometimes fondly reminisce about certain elements
of growing up down there--Cheerwine, most notably--but at this
point am largely acclimated to life in Washington. That said, I can
still seamlessly transition into a flawless Southern accent at a
moment's notice. It's like there's a little hillbilly, probably
named Delbert or something, who lives inside of my voice box.
I don't know if my interest in music is the most prominent thing
about me, but it's definitely the nearest to my heart. I've been a
collector of music and accumulator of largely useless trivia about
musicians since early adolescence, but only in the last few years
have I turned that interest into action and learned to play music
myself. I've gotten to be pretty decent at guitar and merely
passable at piano, but am getting better all the time.
I have a strong desire to make people laugh. Nearly everything I
say is a joke of some kind, or at least setting up a joke in the
short or long term. If you hate the sound of laughter or the
sensation of being amused, I don't think we can be friends.
What I’m doing with my life
I do a little bit of everything working for a large non-profit
thrift organization. Can you guess which one? This was basically
inevitable. My fetish for the old (things, not people; although...)
demanded it. Getting to see and sometimes bring home for myself
these amazing and often baffling consumer goods from around the
world and from many different time periods has been a pretty neat
Otherwise I'm reading, writing, playing/listening to music, going
out to something or other with friends, digging through thrift
stores, being outside, etc. Basically trying to stave off boredom
and enjoy my life.
I’m really good at
Telling jokes and thumb wrestling. I also give good advice and can
manufacture conversation out of nothing. I'm also an inexhaustible
resource for information about music from the 60s and 70s, due to
being an LP junkie, an unapologetic admirer of oldies radio, and
having read more words on the subject than I care to admit in any
box other than the 'most private thing you're willing to admit'
one, which is currently occupied by Muppet Babies.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm tall, thin, and have a slightly unusual gait from years of
shouldering the burden of my own unbearable coolness. I've been
told that I have nice eyes, a mischievous smile, and a booming
ultra-masculine voice, but those might be more advanced
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I dig Philip Roth, Don DeLillo, Raymond Carver short stories, etc.
I read a lot of nonfiction. Not all is about music, but enough of
it is. I think I could recite whole passages of Ray Davies's X-Ray
by heart at this point.
I have Netflix, but end up watching documentaries or TV shows more
often than not. I always enjoy talking to people with a serious
interest in movies, because it's a bit of a weak spot for me.
The Kinks, King Crimson, The Beatles, Wire, THE FALL, Roxy Music,
Bowie, Laura Nyro, T. Rex, Robyn Hitchcock, XTC. I dig loads and
loads of stuff, nearly all of it ancient. I really like old AM
radio type stuff: 60s soul, girl groups, bubblegum, etc. Burt
Bacharach and Brill Building songs. I'm kind of nursing a nascent
interest in jazz at the moment. Have you ever heard Horace Silver's
"Song For My Father"? Amazing.
I like old Twilight Zone episodes and find late night Time Life
music collection infomercials mesmerizing. I'll also speak
glowingly of early 90s Simpsons, MST3K, Arrested Development,
Louie, or Breaking Bad if prompted.
Foodwise, I believe that the invention of the sandwich represents
the high-water mark of man's achievements on this Earth. I'll feel
an infinite tenderness for anyone who can recommend me a quality
The six things I could never do without
Exposure to our benevolent giver-of-life, the sun
Protection from our hideous oppressor, the sun
Decent walking shoes
A bounty of sandwiches
Gently used merchandise
Some sort of companionship
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My various other goofy interests
On a typical Friday night I am
Well, there's simply no telling. Something wonderful, I'm sure.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I recently had a dream in which I was watching what was ostensibly
a childrens movie, featuring happy little cartoon characters who I
think might have been the Muppet Babies. The movie was quite
serious, all full of violence and dread. I was shaken and disturbed
by the ending, particularly what became of poor baby Gonzo. I don't
know what the dream meant, but I was disappointed upon waking
knowing that no such Muppet Babies movie exists.
I once misread an "Appropriate For All Ages" sign as "Appropriate
For Alligators." I was confused that it would say that, but
intrigued that it might.
I'm not actually a doctor. Of waffles or anything else.
It's amazing to me the way the two decade nostalgia cycle works.
For years, it would have been inconceivable to me that anyone
anywhere would think to celebrate stupid shit from my childhood
like Jurassic Park or NBA Jam, and yet here we are, right on cue.
On that note, I have ACE OF FUCKIN' BASE tattooed across my
abdomen. Or do I?
Despite being kind of a thin guy, I have a full and luscious ass.
I'm just now realizing that about myself. I'm on a journey of
You should message me if
You feel compelled to. Particularly if we have something in common
that could be discussed over coffee or hoagies or drinks or