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25 Brooklyn, NY Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20–28
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Today – 7:16pm
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Judaism, and laughing about it
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Wha? This whole page seems like a self-summary. So this is like a summary's summary? How lazy are you people, anyway?

Anyways, some of my female friends have informed me that this profile is too sarcastic, snarky, and neurotic, and is not indicative of the substantial "warmth" (their words, honest) of my personality, so I will try to modify it accordingly. But this is a challenging and necessarily self-conscious process!

But so okay, let's see: I've been told I'm about 75% water, I average around 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit, and really, I'm just kind of this big tube that consumes things on one end, dispenses of them on the other, and hopefully does that well enough and long enough to make more tubes, provided I can meet another nice young tube (ideally a cute and intellectually curious tube, hint hint). But see, to most effectively consume things and make more tubes, I was given this brain to sit atop my tube that is ultimately way too complicated for its own good and can't really figure out what the hell is the point of all of this consumption, but at least there are like 7 billion other brainy tubes out there, and, well, a whole lot of them are some really cool tubes and some of them are just hilarious, so at least we can have some laughs together.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I graduated from college with a degree in Poli-Sci in 2012 (Columbia U, I know name dropping is douchey but I dropped all that dough on that degree, so lemme pump it.) Worked at Tanglewood over that following summer, and then I founded an organization that makes classical music more fun by turning the concert experience into a big party, as part of a larger life goal of bringing more people to classical music, because it's so genuinely ballin' but most folks seem to think it's square or stuffy or irrelevant or, worst of all, boring. But I ask you: Is this ( boring?

Just moved to NYC to bring the project here, so let's see how it goes., if you want in.

Oh, and another thing: If you see me on the MTA and I've got headphones in and my eyes are closed and I'm flopping around like a fish, it's because I'm trying to air conduct, or play the air piano, or the air violin, or the air cello, etc., and not because I'm having an epileptic fit. I listen very actively and very physically to my most favored jams and, in general, have zero regard for the judging/concerned eyes of my fellow commuters. Of course, if there was, in fact, an epileptic on the MTA, I would probably abstain from my air-scapades just for fear that he or she would think I was making fun of him or her, and I wouldn't want him or her to think that, given that he or she probably has a lot on his or her plate, what with having epilepsy and all.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Accents (British, German, French, Russian, Indian (Sub-Continent), Indian (politically incorrect/historically inaccurate), Bostonian, Southern, Irish, nebbishy New Yorker (Okay, it's basically a Woody Allen impression, but, I've gotta say, it's pretty good.))

Trying not to come off as a hipster in this personality profile we got going on here (I swear to God I'm not a hipster (I am well aware every hipster swears to God he/she is not a hipster))

Finding obscure American composers that no one cares about anymore and insisting that that is a profound historical injustice (ie, Arthur Foote:

Also, I forgot to mention, and, apparently, it is a desirable quality, so I should probably list it and get some bang for my buck (so did not mean that as an off-color pun): I play guitar. Used to play quite seriously, and I couldn't really care less about it anymore, but I still play quite ably. I also started playing piano after I became obsessed with classical music (which was like four years ago), and I do care a lot about that, but I play it miserably.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!

Sense of humor (class clown in both middle school and high school, and I've got the yearbook documentation to prove it)

Blabby. So very, very blabby

My fine wrists; that bit of neck that is sort of showing; and my deliciously thick pantaloons that are just under my under-skirt
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Thomas Pynchon by a long shot.
Gravity's Rainbow (the greatest fucking thing that anyone has ever conceived of ever ever ever. Better than Shakespeare, better than the germ theory of disease, maybe even better than the Marriage of Figaro. IMHO.), Mason & Dixon, V., Crying of Lot 49, Infinite Jest (anything David Foster Wallace (What do you want!? I'm a 21st century 20-something! DFW worship is in my generation's DNA!)), Lolita, Sound and the Fury, The Secret Agent, Madame Bovary, Henry James, HP Lovecraft, K. A. Porter, and Jorge Borges short stories, The Bard, Books about composers, Collected letters of composers, etc.

And. Because I'm a Philo nerd: Spinoza is my metaphysics. Mill is my ethics. Kant is for the space in between. Nietzsche is the most fun to read. Arendt tells us why it happened the way it did. Berlin does too. Russell is just a mensch and I love him.

Oh yeah, and I wig out to Magic Eye on a pretty regular basis.

Movies: Stanley Kubrick by a long (and wide-angled) shot.
2001, Barry Lyndon, Clockwork, Shining, Brazil, Amadeus, Boogie Nights, Fargo, Big Lebowski, 8 1/2, Mulholland Drive, American Psycho, Annie Hall, and of course, the entire filmic output of James O. Incandenza. Not to mention the fine works of Gerhardt von Göll!

Shows: Chris Morris by a long shot.
Seinfeld, Mr. Show, Tim and Eric. I will also confess to genuinely enjoying the fuck out of infomercials when I'm high.

Music: Mozart by a reasonably long shot.
Beethoven, Schubert, Haydn, Bach, Brahms, Mahler, Rossini, Richard Strauss, Janacek, Schumann, Mendelssohn, Dvorak, A. Foote, Borodin, Franck, Berlioz, A. Beach, Debussy, Fauré, Verdi, Stravinsky, you get the idea.

Now listen: Classical music is just about the dopest shit in the Universe, and I'm not just saying that. If you'd like an epic classical music mix with jams that'll rock your noodle, I'd be happy to oblige.

Back in my rock music listening days: The Beatles by a long shot
The Kinks, Bob Dylan, Radiohead, Ween, Tom Waits, Os Mutantes, Incredible String Band, Captain Beefheart, Zappa, Neil Young, Yes, etc.

Food: Anything terrible and in large portions. (Food pisses me off. All the good shit's bad for you and all the bad shit's good for you. What gives?)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
iPod (160 GB or bust)

Mountains (The Whites are my mountains of choice, but probably only because they are so close, though I did recently venture out into the Grand Tetons and it was an utterly overwhelming experience.)

Stars (Like Vega and Alpha Centuari. NOT like Hartnett and Depp)

A good book

Pair of jeans that fits just right AND the radio up.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Music and why more people don't realize how freaking sweet classical music is

Gravity's Rainbow and how to force people to read it (if you want a Gravity's Rainbow sherpa, I've now been through it multiple times on my own and sherpa'd two people through it and some day I hope to travel the world, sherpa-ing people through Gravity's Rainbow.)



Well shit, Sam. Now that you've apparently started writing, what the hell are you going to write about?

Damn, that's a fine cup of coffee
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
What, exactly, is a typical Friday night?

(This is a place where I have been told I'm being excessively snarky, so I'll supplement this snarkiness with some actual information: Most Friday nights, I'll be hanging out with my close friends. We do the bar scene from time to time, but I find it pretty awful, and I sort of can't think of a worse place to meet people. The music is usually too loud to actually have a conversation with anybody, and though I'm actually a halfway decent dancer, I'm not at all a grinder, so the standard operating procedure of grabbing someone and rubbing yourself against them, hoping that maybe your personalities are compatible doesn't exactly ring my chimes. Still, I do love getting intoxicated with good people.)

(Oh, and, at this point, most of my Friday nights are spent organizing and rocking out at groupmuses. You should come. Booze and Beethoven. It's like: yes.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm willing to admit that I'm embarrassed to be embarrassed to be using OkCupid. The given is that I'm embarrassed to be using OkCupid, which strikes me as absurd, because it is obviously such an efficient way to meet single people, and it beats the shit out of the bar scene. Being embarrassed to use this site just makes it more embarrassing because its status as "something to be embarrassed about" is sort of justified, and I'm obviously only embarrassed because I'm self conscious to a degree that I am willing to admit. So there.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want a good conversationalist to go on nature walks with.

Also, if you've made it to the end of this absurd and totally self-indulgent profile.

And if on your profile, you lament how little time you have for reading, but then list your 35 favorite TV shows, we're prolly not a match. It's not you, it's me.

(Also, it occurred to me recently that if you don't know me, this profile might make me seem like some sort of socially defective, pseudo-intellectual shut-in. Nothing could be further from the truth! I'm an insanely social person and have a great many friends from all over and from all different social scenes! And I love having the odd raucous, alcohol-fueled night out adventuring every bit as much as I like staying in with a book. Still, though it might impinge upon my response rate, I resolutely refuse to genericize this profile, as it is actually a decent reflection of my most salient qualities (loquacious; a bizarre combination of introspection and extroversion; maybe somewhat amusing; intellectually obsessive (especially in regards to classical music); pretentious but hopefully not too pretentious?; etc.) . Plus, I realized recently that it's the closest thing I've ever had to a blog, because usually I'm too uncomfortable with the idea of exploiting and selling myself, but that's the whole point of this thing! (Update: I now have a fucking blog. But it's for work!))

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