Kids put an end to my wanderlust, or perhaps I just did all I wanted to do. I've lived in Byron Bay for 20 years now. Landed here on a whim because my partner was pregnant and we had heard you could have water births in the ocean with dolphins... well it wasn't like that, but we did do the home birth in water.
Babies don’t lend themselves to the kind of travel life I enjoyed with my partner so we made another life here. And, with little effort we had another baby. Today, my daughter is on her travel journey currently working at a pub in London and my son is living with me finishing his last year of high school.
I started my own business thinking it would lead to travel, but it's done the opposite - I became tied to my computer and phone. When my business was really successful I let it consume me. Then, I had a mid-life crisis where I lost interest in just about everything. I separated with my partner after 20 years. I went away for 6 months and the business ticked along. I came back and worked it some with much less passion. 4 years later, I’m single, my business continues to tick along with little effort and I have time to play.
Life is pretty great. My biggest worry seems to be how many days between good surf. Staying active and fit has become my main theme in life; seems like that, more than money will take me thru the next stages of life with the best outcomes.
I like to play at sports. Currently re-discovering surfing and running 3 times a week. I would like to dance more and in the perfect world I would do something like walk from Varanasi to Rishikesh or perhaps 'that' trail going from France to Spain. I watch the Tour de France and think wouldn't it be wild to get back on a bike and tour the world. But, the lazy part of me seems pretty content. I go to the beach and marvel at the beauty, see great local bands and enjoy running through the coastal rain forest and then I wonder whether I really need to go anywhere.
In fact, I feel at this time in my life that I’m just pretty content.
But here I am on OkCupid – yes I am a sexual man. I recently did a course called Quodoushka which was a Spiritual Sexuality retreat based on teachings from Native American Indians as well as many elements of new age sexuality. It was full of interesting information as well as a great way to meet people. The course was an honest look at sexuality. What do people want? Are they all the same? I’m not saying this because I’m into weird kinky sex stuff. It is more a question of relationships and how different and yet normal all these differences can be.
What I am discovering is that I’m not alone in wanting significant and genuine relationships that are not exclusive. I am not searching for a ‘life partner’ and yet I very much enjoy the company of women. I have something to offer that is more than sex, but sex is still the juice that seems to make life just that much more interesting.
I’m still working this out, but it seems important to be up front because I know many people are here looking for that special person to grow old with. Not me.
I would like to meet someone and have a causal relationship that may or may not go anywhere long term. In fact, I need to rediscover my sexuality in a happy, healthy and fun way. I would like to kiss someone passionately in the park and have the world around me disappear... to feel the tingle of excitement and touch of a woman... to get lost in the scent and passion. I’m into learning how to be a better lover as I meet people with an open and honest heart.
I've come out of a 20 year relationship. I know what relationships are in both their high and low moments. At this time, I’m just not ready to be committed to anyone and yet I want to feel how life can be elevated in those rare moments of discovery.
Maybe that works for you or maybe not. Fortunately, I know I’m not alone.
If the surf is up, I’m in the water. I’ve just ordered a new surfboard which should be finished any day now – perhaps this will be my next love affair. ;)
I enjoy playing at various things and my ultimate goal is to stay fit and strong. I just had a birthday at the end of November.
I’m enjoying doing workshops and courses based on understanding myself and others as well as learning to be a better lover. A recent class on called The Art and Science of Female Arousal blew me away because it gave me so much new information on a subject I had thought I knew... just goes to show you that you can teach an old dog new tricks. But as they say, practice, practice, practice.
I also throw a mean frisbee. I enjoy languages - wouldn't mind having a go at speaking French again. Despite being a bit of a nut, I think i'm a pretty good dad.
Any movie with Adrien Brody - he picks such cool movies. Really enjoyed The Descendents with George Clooney and generally like Sci-Fi movies as well as action, but I like any good movie. I thought Breaking Bad, Boston Legal, West Wing and Life were great tv shows. Sadly I get most of my news from the Daily Show and Colbert, but I also really like Q&A and Insight. Treme is great - love the music and idea. Newsroom... why isn't reality. Men of a Certain Age... I can relate! Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Mom, True Detective .... yeah I probably watch too much tv.
I usually go to the Blues Festival here in Byron Bay - this year was amazing - Santana was the greatest, Paul Simon... well of course, Iggy Pop was an animal, Steve Miller and Jimmy Cliff were more interesting than I expected, Seth Lakeman did an incredible one man thing, and so much more. Did the 5 days and loved it rain and shine.
Seems to only listen to Spotify now which makes just about anything you can think of immediately available. Currently listening to Chicken Lips, Basement Freaks, All Good Funk Alliance and Fort Knox Five. I like a lot of different music - White Strips, Art Pepper, Coltrane, Buddy Guy, John Lee Hooker, Nirvana, and soooo much more. I like to dance, but I'm not good at couples dancing (salsa, tango, etc) - too complicated. Favourite dancing is reggae or dub. Prefer what my daughter calls 'hippy dancing' at a country hall or at 5 Rthyms. Try to dance 2 or 3 times a week - great exercise.
I like most food - Asian as well as burgers. Could live on pasta and pizza. Eat way too much bread out of shear laziness. I can eat meat or vegetarian. Probably tend to salty more than sweet.
My Kindle - always reading something,
Conversation - I seem to have opinions on everything and love to be shocking and irreverent,
Challenge and Adventure - drawn to taking risks and going off try new things. Love to travel on a one way ticket and see what happens,
Movies - yep I love getting lost in a good story and I’m as happy on the wild ride of action as the intellectual journey,
Kissing and Touch - love that feeling of getting out of the mind and into my body through the touch of a woman’s lips and the press of naked skin. Letting the 5 senses take over from the chattering mind and being in the now – that amazing rhythmic connection of permission to let all the barriers fall and just be with someone.
Ever feel like you’re on the cusp of something, but don’t know what it is ... yet? I feel poised and ready for something. Something GREAT would be nice, but just something that drives me a long thoughtlessly feeling challenged and interested would be welcome. I think I’m more into the journey than the destination.
I’m trying to stay open to what comes. Not dwelling too much on the past nor putting on too much structure that limits the future. I feel really physically strong and want to keep that momentum going. Would like to find something physical. Doesn’t have to be work for money stuff.
Thinking how my life is changing for the better. Sold my house, streamlined my life and bought a unit in the industrial estate which feels really good. Looking forward to making it interesting and inspiring place to live. Yeah! This is going to be fun.
And yes, I have to admit I think about sex A LOT.
All joking aside, the book asks some interesting questions. Does the world revolve around loving one person and does that also mean that sex needs to be exclusive to one person?
OkCupid has been fun for me. I take comfort from seeing that everyone is different. Some like adventure while others like security. Some like dogs while others like cats. Some bow to authority while others rebel.
I'm excited by the knowledge that we can be different and still find people that share our beliefs, humour, sense of fairness - just as some may be tall and others short, young while others are old (both in spirit and years). Viva La Difference!
I'm now 55. I’ve done most of the ‘stuff’ you’re supposed to do - I've been married for 20+ years, I have 2 great kids, I’ve run my own business, I’ve travelled the world and the seven seas. I don’t, at this age, see myself wanting to do all that again (well maybe more travel). So it makes sense that I want to live another way. I don’t know that it works in reality, but I am a rebel and won’t let social norms tell me right from wrong.
Just saying this will mean many people won’t want to know anything more about me and that’s just fine. It’s all about weeding out the people who don’t fit what we are trying to find in life. And really, doesn’t that make you chuckle a bit because I don’t really have a clue what I want in life.
Maybe you are breaking out of past social restraints and find life with great sex is just about the best thing on offer. (and yes, great sex is completely possible in monogamous relationships as it can be in non-monogamous relationships).
How do you feel about being intimate and sexual with more than one person? Does it bring pleasure or pain? Is it possible to be ethical, supportive, true to yourself, and your friends, and still embrace the joyous pursuit of sexual adventure and intimacy with multiple partners? Or, does the very nature of an open lifestyle mean you are not able to be intimate? Do multiple relationships mean you are actually closed to deeper connections? I'd like to think one can be open to all that comes without that causing a backlash of closing down, but I don't have much experience.
Maybe it is something interesting to discuss? What do you think?
And yes, I still like to go barefoot everywhere. :)
I love nothing better than being spontaneous! If you'd like to meet for a coffee and have a chat about the nature of life, or whatever... send me a message.