(edit - I believe firmly in anyone's right to their own faith and/or religion. That being said, I don't come to you, caked in blood and Mentos and chanting down the Dread Lord of All - I'd appreciate you similarly not attempting to convert me to your carpenter/prophet/lord and lordess/oracular pig who sticks his snout in water and tells the future... okay, that last one? I'll convert)

I was born at a very early age. I prefer to be carbon-based, but I'm flexible and willing to try new things. I feel webbed digits are a personal choice, not an obligation. Sometimes, at night, I hear the owl call my name.

I realize, to some of you, this makes no sense. Allow me to explain who I am in your native Geek tongue. Forgive me if I make a mistake. My English-to-Geek Dictionary is a tad outdated (sorry, it's 3.5 edition. I've just not gotten into 4th Ed yet)

Race: Human

Level/Class: 9th Level Cartoonist/1st Level Jackassomancer

Hit Points: 43 (10 Hit Dice)

Alignment: Chaotic Confused

Deity/Religion: Bob/Subgenius

Abilities: Str 11, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 12, Wis 13, Cha 12

Saving Throws: Fort +4, Reflex +6, Will +5

Skills: Craft (stupid drawings) +12, Craft (cooking) +7, Perform (acting) +4, Perform (insults to injury) +3, Spot Obvious +1

Class Features: Unflattering Caricature, Doodles of Confusion, Immune to Logic Based Spells, Spell Casting, Summon Familiar (Plastic Jackolantern; provides +3 hitpoints)

Feats: Verbal Parry, Exotic Weapon (Barbed Spatula), Craft Wonderous Legos Nonsense, Improved Poking, Hibernation

Spells Per Day: 2

Spells Known: Transmute Water to Tea, Detect Hands (Range: Touch)

(Edit) I'm really only here to find people to hang out with. I've recently moved back to D/FW after living in Boston for nine years and it's a bit of a culture shock. Seriously, that's it. Just lookin' for people to hang out with.

And to steal kidneys from.

But they've gotta be nice kidneys.

(Edit 10/7/09: Another clarification as I seem to have hurt someone's feelings by *gasp* disliking children. I actually don't dislike children - but, "Doesn't care either way" wasn't an option. Nor was, "I've only had them batter dipped and it was okay but didn't live up to the hype.")

is folding it down the center - this is how we start our origami crane.

making others feel better about themselves through personal example.

My winning smile or the sharpened axe.

(a) anything by John Gardner (dead authors are great - it's easier to keep up with their works)
(b) the one with the guy who did the thing
(c) I like sounds with beeps, boops and pings
(d) pre-digested

could rather easily do without me.

if I've made enough of an impact on the world and, if not, how much harder would I have to throw the baseball to do so. Apparently, since OKCupid likes to catalog interests, here's a few of mine: D&D, drawing, punching babies, British au pairs, RPGs, John Gardner, Jack Off Jill, Theatre, zombies, $2 Bills, Webcomics, monkeys, meerkats, Hello Kitty, dr. pepper, Information Society, Something Positive

selling kidneys on the streets of Hong Kong at sun down - this gives me the money I need to fund the experiments. Next, it's over to the milk bar for a bit of the ultra violence. Later, I find myself coming to in an alley, drunk again and nothing to my name but a banana and a Barbie doll with a terrified expression.

probably very unwise to actually admit to.

you ever want to see your cat alive again.

(edit) This statement has upset many people. I promise you, I'd never really hurt your cat.

But I will whisk it away, wine it and dine it, and it will never want to see you again. Can you really risk that?