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28 • Washington, DC • Woman
I’m looking for
- Ages 25–32
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating
- Last online
- Mar 27
- 5′ 6″ (1.68m)
- Body type
- Christianity, but not too serious about it
- Graduated from university
- Doesn’t have kids
- Likes dogs
- English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly)
read. The characters are surprising and insightful. Anything by Dan
Brown usually keeps me up all night reading too. And if i'm drunk and it's 3am i will also admit that i've read all 50 shades but not
before then haha...
Movies: I'm much more of a tv person than a movie buff. Some of my favorite shows are Game of Thrones, Downton Abby, House of Cards, and Friday Night Lights.
Music: The Head and the Heart, Kanye, Mumford, The Black Keys, Jay Z, Beyonce, Imagine Dragons...if i can sing along i probably will. Live bluegrass is really fun to listen to. I've been to more country concerts than any other genre (it's not my favorite, I blame the Montanans).
Food: I am a foodie. Have worked in upscale restaurants and know a
fair amount about what i'm eating, where it comes from, how it's
prepared etc. Food is always something i'm willing to learn more
2) Transitions lenses weird me out.
and because i do, i'll share some of the awesome messages i've received :) hilarious.
"I would swim up the amazon with 2 dumbbells tied to my scrotum and Ellen Degeneres' queef as my only air supply just to have dinner with you via Skype."
"I didn't read your profile because it was too long, but I have abs, so go out with me."
"So how's the online dating been going for ya? Meeting any potentials, or just creepers? Oh..... If you're thinking about not replying! Not to twist your arm... but if you do not, I'm making a voodoo doll of you. Then I'm gonna put headphones on it, and make it listen to Justin Bieber all day!"
"How many fancy dinners out will it take to make you my personal bedroom acrobat?"
"How would you like to take a balloon animal making class with me? :) Apparently you learn to make a snake first!"
B <-- top view
oo <-- front view
b <-- side view
"All those curves and me without breaks..."
"When I look at them pictures I think 'Now there's a woman, like one o them milkmaids' and then 'hey, I got something that needs milkin'!! So hopefully got got BIG STRONG mitts cause its BIGGgggg." <-- wow. just wow.
"I was disturbed while reading your profile ... anyways what is your name?"
"mayhaps you'd be interested in letting me visit you during the times when no one is around?"
"heyyy gina and i are blending up some nachos wanna join us? we have room for one more!! :D gina is my dog!!!!!!!!!:D :D"
"you have nice eyebrows.. for a liberal. "
"You love to have dates
I love to have sex, let's meet
This is a Haiku"
"Ok, I'm going to be honest. I took a brief look at you profile. Yes I looked at your pictures, and this email is going to more than just you. ..." the message ended with " what could go wrong......." - Nothing makes you feel special like a good mass mailing! ;)
"I almost just tried to get my computer pregnant because U came on my screen. UR so sexy killmeplz f my brains out!!"
"I would msg you but I died in a freak gasoline fight accident"
"I wish I was a DNA Helicase so I could unzip your jeans (genes)."
"DON"T BE AFRAID!!!!!!!!;)" <--yeah that's not terrifying. lol
"I'm giving you a chance despite the fact that you're a little overweight. Somewhere deep in my heart I have a really sweet spot for a full-bodied woman, such as yourself. It would be the sweetest of homecomings for me."
"You are Kute with a 'K' cuz your kuteness kicks ass! Like, how do I tell a lie and look in your eyes?!
Might sound cheezy but I like cheese for the pun of it. What's your name and can you handle hanging out with an Aries-Taurus? :)"
"An Irish NY liberal in DC hanging out with Montanans listening to Kanye, are you trying to unlock some sort of diversity achievement?"
"You are basically the stereotypical big boobed blonde chick who always dies first in the first 5 minutes in every scary movie!"
"Now. As much as many a craptacular Don Juan has tried to hit on you, I ask: has a ninja ever done so before?? The answer is yes because (look at the time), it is happening as you read this. How's THAT for a Never-have-I-ever question?? Boom!" lol. i love it.
"BANG!!!" <-- holy crap.
"You can begin right here with me :)" [2 days later] -->
"This is actually you're father. I can't believe you're on this website...I'm very disappointed." lol.
"Sorry to tell you, but after a rigorously brief review of your profile, I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for all the great imaginary memories….you will always have a special place in my heart.
ps. I am going to need half your money according to our prenup
pps. You can keep the dog and I will keep the house in Hawaii"
In person statements from the bar that were too great to not repeat:
"I'm going to impregnate you"
" You'd be cute if you gained 300 pounds. Think about it?"
" You have one of those jaw lines i'd be tempted to break if you were a man."
"What's that perfume you're wearing? It's intoxicating. You're not wearing any? Are you ovulating?"
"Yo ask her if she tryin ta get with a baguette, cuz i wanna french roll that shit!"
**** stop trying to make the wall of shame you weirdos :) ****
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