Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are seriously looking for a solid partner and devoted friend to
grow old together with, and laughing all the way to the psych-ward,
while having crazy-ass monkey sex from our wheelchairs....
*preamble: this profile was written OVER TIME, not ALL AT ONCE.
Second, I'm am not hung up on your looks or overly judgmental, I
just have no time for people who pretend to be someone else and who
are so uncomfortable with their looks/bodies. You can be a BBW,
just be comfortable with who you are is all I ask.
*update- Many people are quick to disqualify a profile, myself
included. I don't like to broadcast too much publicly, so ask away
if you have real questions. I prefer to be me rather than "selling"
myself in a profile, otherwise I would cater to the average female
profile and make shit up like how much I love yoga, sushi, mumford
and sons and indie music, Goonies, Twighlight, Mad Men, walks on
the beach, puppies and dark chocolate...ok so I like some of those,
but you get my drift....
** We probably won't get along if you have cats(allegeries), have
grandma triceps, love politics, are angered by me doing jumping
jacks in the buff, or you like the Jets, otherwise I have some
great ideas for our registry :)
caveat update 1.1 9er: below are updates I've added over time, many
ladies appreciate the reality-based humor, while others find the
commentary judgmental, rude, and perhaps a little too close to
home...First off, seeing things through another's point of view is
paramount in all aspects of life, so respect my opinions and move
on. Secondly, my angst is geared toward women, or little girls, who
try so hard to "sell" themselves, it's grossly disappointing. I am
very open minded and love women of all types, if you read closely
you'll find I'm encouraging you to be you. Many dislike my that I
choose to not be with the chemically dependent, tough shit....my
prerogative. I have every right to find the perfect gal for me, so
haters, go get your shinebox...
UPDATE2: Learning what I don't want.... Ladies, I do look at your
pics and I know the tricks. If you have big hips and thighs and
crazyass shelfage show it off, don't offer up the shamefull
"crossed-legs" while standing- frontal pic, and if you have magic
boobs that disappear when the bra comes off, don't advertise..shame
shame, I'll not buying the arial view that maximizes your cleave
and minimizes your muffin top...please God no pucker lips
pics....not hot and you just remind me of the fish that suck on the
tank all day...and WTF is with the obligatory mustache pic? Sorry
ladies I like originality, if you're gonna follow suit, well...then
you're probably special just like everyone else. Now if you're
wearing a wonderwoman costume while grasping an adult toy or simply
wearing a cute summer dress without your face painted up all
jerseyliscious...we might have a shot lol.
UPDATE 3: if you take meds to "regulate" some shit you got going on
between the ears,,,, I am sympathetic, but I'll have to pass....
I've tried dating Cybil and all her personas...they were all
UPDATE 3.0- Ladies, stop taking pics with your really hot friend(s)
!!! It makes us think there's always someone better ;)
And...include some individual shots, I don't have time to sift all
12 pics to find you, the common denominator girl !?!
UPDATE 4.a). If you seriously say something like......" im a
intenegence gurl..". I will hunt you down and slap you with a bag
of scrabble squares!
UPDATE 4.b) WTF is up with the "seeing someone" status. I can
understand if you are the swinger type, but 99% of the time that is
not indicated. Do you think I would date you if, despite being with
your current significant other, I know you're still online-catalog
man-shopping. And no, you're not just "leaving the profile up"
cause I see your "ONLINE" status dumbass... Ladies, if you're
seriously looking for the next best thing, just make your status
"single"... Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater!!!!
Update Cinco: P.S.A. This site is a public forum, when you share
info like emails and phone #s, they can be seen or compromised. Be
smart how you share that info...kik and Skype CAN BE HACKED! Also,
I can't understand why so many people are afraid to meet... No
matter what another "profile" tells you or shows you...how can you
ever be certain they're real until you meet?.Seriously, is it
creepier to meet a complete stranger or one who has a whole bunch
of info about you and has lured you in with lies through emails and
texts?.. YOU ARE STILL MEETING A STRANGER, why give them ammo? If
you're afraid to meet...bring a friend, bring your Dad, a cop, a
circus midget, anyone....meet in public, set a time limit.... I'm
not wasting time "getting to know" anyone I can't see and look into
their eyes.... Be safe in here.
Update 6.66...haven't updated in long while. New pet peeve: Ladies,
there is a big difference between fat/overweight and thick/curvy.
If you are curvy, then slapping your ass sounds like striking a
fresh porterhouse with your palm...if you are overweight,
well....then it sounds more like hitting a wet bag of cream cheese
with a fly swatter.....
7 :etadpu. OK, Ever see 40yr Old Virgin? Ladies, don't "put the
pussy on a pedestal" Intimacy should not be constricted by rules,
timetables, and restrictions. Professing that you DO NOT kiss or
have sex or whatever on first dates, until the moon is full, or
until I meet your 4th cousin Paulie, is just plain vain. There are
no restrictions to love...either you feel compelled to kiss or not,
either you ,mutually, want to have sex or not. And please, if you
feel that you have something to "give up" , that's narcissistic and
a put off. Be an adult....passion, lust, and intimacy are a two way
street....no one controls it, and trying to "control" our primal
urges will likely transcend into other facets of the relationship.
If you ever said, " I thought I could change him" you have
self-centered delusions. If sex and intimacy scare or intimidate
you, move on....it's very important and fundamental to a
relationship. Realizing that you're not intimately compatible after
several months = epic fail. No matter when that special moment
happens, you're still strangers....knowing someone's favorite color
and compatible hobbies doesn't erase the immediate, and prior,
history of their penis.
DEFCON 8: Many get their panties in a bunch by receiving the ol'
"Hello" email. Sorry, but that's just a way to wink. I believe my
profile speaks for itself...if you like me, "hello" back and then
we'll get into the weeds. I'm done writing poems, drawing on our
similarities, sharing jokes, and offering advice. .....it's too
exhausting to lead with.
NEIN! Wo sind ihre papiere? If you have NY,NY as a location, PLEASE
specify where. NY, NY generally means Manhattan....not Astoria,
Bronx, Long Island, or Albany....and if you are NOT in NY , but
planning on coming, please indicate that.. I'm not interested in
Update: Chad Ochocinco. If you say you like football, like
Football, not soccer or futbol, or even rugby, aka Australian Rules
Football. American Football is football, and since the dating will
occur on US soil with a US citizen (me) it shall be further
acknowledged as Football, period. Liking all the other is fine,
just don't say Football when you mean futbol. And foosball is an
acceptable reference to Football if used correctly.
Update 12:00am. Fuck the site and all the scams...im leaving for
Aspen to find Mary Samsonite, wish me luck.....