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39 M Berkeley Heights, NJ

My Details

Last Online
Today – 3:24pm
White, Other
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Relationship Status
Relationship Type

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
7-15-14. Apparently I went through this site like a banshee and Okcupid informed me I "rated" and "hid" the maximum. As such, I cannot rate anyone or view new matches in my quickmatch que. They said I "have to start a new profile which is awesome"....F'in awesome Okstupid...

FIRST: I will not share my email, number(THIS MEANS, DONT GIVE ME YOURS-I won't call IT), Skype, KIK, IM...or "get to know" anyone in here PERIOD. Let's meet , save each other time, effort, false expectations, and see if we click. I'm happy to answer any questions you may have, scared to meet "strangers"?....see update Cinco below.

*I live in NJ (30mins outside NYC) and work in NYC.

** The short version: Nick Lachey (or Channing Tatum) meets Dexter Morgan meets Stallone meets Jim Carey meets Stephen Hawking meets Ray Lewis played by Hugh Jackson as Wolverine, moonlighting as Donald Draper(less the smokes) it? Good :)

Ok, I'm different, witty, unique, creative, loving...I have an instinct to spoil and protect those in my circle. I loathe vanity and materialism. (A girl can be girlie, just don't be vain- getting your hair wet in the rain is fun , not the end of the world :) I spent my whole life swimming against the current and enjoyed every challenge. I'm unlike any guy you know and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I am looking for the greatest gal in the world :) ,ya know my other half, my missing sock, my yang..well I have I am a renaissance guy looking for a women who inspires me, and hopefully I can inspire her too. -Not a player and not into games!
.....and whitedog54 does not mean I'm a horny 60yr old who sleeps around with "ethnic" means nothing really, besides HairEbush69 was apparently taken😞
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Close to solving "the meaning of life"
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Whatever I set my heart to do.....and falling in love with profiles of women abroad who need me to wire them money so that they come and marry me...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Muscles when walking in the door and my big white ass walkin out. I get comments on my eyes, but- don't see My sense of humor and sincerity stand out most.

Here is what others say about me:

"Super d duper!" Barney
"Muther fuckin cat's pajamas, mutha fucka" Samuel Jackson
"Damn sugga, mmmhmm" some dirty hobag
"He's a punkass bitch" Mom
"He was a gentleman with all our peckers" birdshop owner
"This dude is da real deal nigga, gots mad game n shit, keeps it tight...aiiight" Obama
"Has many more leatherbound novellas than I, and a fuller buttocks" Ron Burgundy
"Hell doesn't want him, and I can't have him hanging around purgatory..." God
"A welcome addition to my lap anytime" Santa
"A real stand-up guy" some guy in a wheelchair (don't you dare smile at that!)
"I don't have anything against him" a quadriplegic (ok, laugh)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I am a(an aspiring) writer (not as a profession- I have a great career and make mad green), so I read mostly non-fiction. Love history, religion, new age... Love all music except country, unless it's real old stuff...Love food, love to cook and love a good "Chopped" challenge... Always prefer movie over tv....
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
When will we actually begin to see Niburu?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
out with a black long sleave shirt, a bag of forensic stuff, and looking for bad people :) ( a reference folks- I'm not a cop)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I hope you'll find out..😉
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are seriously looking for a solid partner and devoted friend to grow old together with, and laughing all the way to the psych-ward, while having crazy-ass monkey sex from our wheelchairs....

*preamble: this profile was written OVER TIME, not ALL AT ONCE. Second, I'm am not hung up on your looks or overly judgmental, I just have no time for people who pretend to be someone else and who are so uncomfortable with their looks/bodies. You can be a BBW, just be comfortable with who you are is all I ask.

*update- Many people are quick to disqualify a profile, myself included. I don't like to broadcast too much publicly, so ask away if you have real questions. I prefer to be me rather than "selling" myself in a profile, otherwise I would cater to the average female profile and make shit up like how much I love yoga, sushi, mumford and sons and indie music, Goonies, Twighlight, Mad Men, walks on the beach, puppies and dark chocolate...ok so I like some of those, but you get my drift....
** We probably won't get along if you have cats(allegeries), have grandma triceps, love politics, are angered by me doing jumping jacks in the buff, or you like the Jets, otherwise I have some great ideas for our registry :)

caveat update 1.1 9er: below are updates I've added over time, many ladies appreciate the reality-based humor, while others find the commentary judgmental, rude, and perhaps a little too close to home...First off, seeing things through another's point of view is paramount in all aspects of life, so respect my opinions and move on. Secondly, my angst is geared toward women, or little girls, who try so hard to "sell" themselves, it's grossly disappointing. I am very open minded and love women of all types, if you read closely you'll find I'm encouraging you to be you. Many dislike my that I choose to not be with the chemically dependent, tough prerogative. I have every right to find the perfect gal for me, so haters, go get your shinebox...

UPDATE2: Learning what I don't want.... Ladies, I do look at your pics and I know the tricks. If you have big hips and thighs and crazyass shelfage show it off, don't offer up the shamefull "crossed-legs" while standing- frontal pic, and if you have magic boobs that disappear when the bra comes off, don't advertise..shame shame, I'll not buying the arial view that maximizes your cleave and minimizes your muffin top...please God no pucker lips pics....not hot and you just remind me of the fish that suck on the tank all day...and WTF is with the obligatory mustache pic? Sorry ladies I like originality, if you're gonna follow suit, well...then you're probably special just like everyone else. Now if you're wearing a wonderwoman costume while grasping an adult toy or simply wearing a cute summer dress without your face painted up all jerseyliscious...we might have a shot lol.

UPDATE 3: if you take meds to "regulate" some shit you got going on between the ears,,,, I am sympathetic, but I'll have to pass.... I've tried dating Cybil and all her personas...they were all nuts!

UPDATE 3.0- Ladies, stop taking pics with your really hot friend(s) !!! It makes us think there's always someone better ;) And...include some individual shots, I don't have time to sift all 12 pics to find you, the common denominator girl !?!

UPDATE 4.a). If you seriously say something like......" im a intenegence gurl..". I will hunt you down and slap you with a bag of scrabble squares!

UPDATE 4.b) WTF is up with the "seeing someone" status. I can understand if you are the swinger type, but 99% of the time that is not indicated. Do you think I would date you if, despite being with your current significant other, I know you're still online-catalog man-shopping. And no, you're not just "leaving the profile up" cause I see your "ONLINE" status dumbass... Ladies, if you're seriously looking for the next best thing, just make your status "single"... Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater!!!!

Update Cinco: P.S.A. This site is a public forum, when you share info like emails and phone #s, they can be seen or compromised. Be smart how you share that info...kik and Skype CAN BE HACKED! Also, I can't understand why so many people are afraid to meet... No matter what another "profile" tells you or shows can you ever be certain they're real until you meet?.Seriously, is it creepier to meet a complete stranger or one who has a whole bunch of info about you and has lured you in with lies through emails and texts?.. YOU ARE STILL MEETING A STRANGER, why give them ammo? If you're afraid to meet...bring a friend, bring your Dad, a cop, a circus midget, in public, set a time limit.... I'm not wasting time "getting to know" anyone I can't see and look into their eyes.... Be safe in here.

Update 6.66...haven't updated in long while. New pet peeve: Ladies, there is a big difference between fat/overweight and thick/curvy. If you are curvy, then slapping your ass sounds like striking a fresh porterhouse with your palm...if you are overweight, well....then it sounds more like hitting a wet bag of cream cheese with a fly swatter.....

7 :etadpu. OK, Ever see 40yr Old Virgin? Ladies, don't "put the pussy on a pedestal" Intimacy should not be constricted by rules, timetables, and restrictions. Professing that you DO NOT kiss or have sex or whatever on first dates, until the moon is full, or until I meet your 4th cousin Paulie, is just plain vain. There are no restrictions to love...either you feel compelled to kiss or not, either you ,mutually, want to have sex or not. And please, if you feel that you have something to "give up" , that's narcissistic and a put off. Be an adult....passion, lust, and intimacy are a two way one controls it, and trying to "control" our primal urges will likely transcend into other facets of the relationship. If you ever said, " I thought I could change him" you have self-centered delusions. If sex and intimacy scare or intimidate you, move's very important and fundamental to a relationship. Realizing that you're not intimately compatible after several months = epic fail. No matter when that special moment happens, you're still strangers....knowing someone's favorite color and compatible hobbies doesn't erase the immediate, and prior, history of their penis.

DEFCON 8: Many get their panties in a bunch by receiving the ol' "Hello" email. Sorry, but that's just a way to wink. I believe my profile speaks for itself...if you like me, "hello" back and then we'll get into the weeds. I'm done writing poems, drawing on our similarities, sharing jokes, and offering advice.'s too exhausting to lead with.

NEIN! Wo sind ihre papiere? If you have NY,NY as a location, PLEASE specify where. NY, NY generally means Manhattan....not Astoria, Bronx, Long Island, or Albany....and if you are NOT in NY , but planning on coming, please indicate that.. I'm not interested in pen pals.

Update: Chad Ochocinco. If you say you like football, like Football, not soccer or futbol, or even rugby, aka Australian Rules Football. American Football is football, and since the dating will occur on US soil with a US citizen (me) it shall be further acknowledged as Football, period. Liking all the other is fine, just don't say Football when you mean futbol. And foosball is an acceptable reference to Football if used correctly.

Update 12:00am. Fuck the site and all the leaving for Aspen to find Mary Samsonite, wish me luck.....