Don't be such an entitled prick. Don't make your profile into a list of things you think are owed you in a companion without demonstrating any redeeming qualities in yourself. You say you have a great sense of humor? Great! Be funny in your profile. Love long walks on the beach? What beach? Why? Say something insightful about beach walking. It's the age of the internet, find a way to add value to people's lives with text and pictures. And guys, it's the bay area, you are surrounded by beautiful, interesting women. You have it easy. Please just find a way to not be such a self entitled douche.
Don't lie. Don't add two inches to you height. Do you really think she's not going to notice? If she cares, she's going to notice when she meets you. If she doesn't care, there's no reason to lie. Simple, right?
Wash up. You know that phrase "Smells like balls"? That's not an excuse to let your sack wreak. Get some salt scrub or something. Let's make it so that "Smells like balls" means "smells pleasantly of lavender and/or citrus".
I guess that's just three demands, but I see how it might seem daunting, so let me start you out here. Go buy a clown nose. Take a picture of your head from the side. Put it up as one of your photos. Title it "Funny OKCUPID profile!". You are going to get so much pussy for this. When you do, she might make you wear the clown nose. If she does, she's a keeper. Put a ring on it.
OK now that that is out of the way, here's my self summary as previously written, showcasing my awesomeness. No more bitter rant inspired by disappointment in my gender.
Heh, whiteyonthemoon - Ethnicity White
Actually, recent genetic testing has revealed that I'm 3% Neanderthal. It's awesome. You know when you get that feeling that other people must just not be the same species as you? What if one day you found out that it was at least partially true. You'd be having an awesome life for a while. The human rules just don't apply to (3% of) me. I'm like the undermensch.
This profile is not to be taken seriously. It's a bunch of stuff I made up. Like yours. Maybe I just want your money or sex or for you to send me some banking information and help me leave cotonou benin refugee camp and reclaim 200KG OF 22 KARRAT ALLUVIA GOLD DUST left to me by my family. Mostly you shouldn't take it seriously because I need to rewrite it, answer questions again, and get some better pictures. These make me look like a fucking caveman.