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29 M Selkirk, Manitoba, CA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:57pm
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Not at all
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from high school
Art / Music / Writing
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently), Other (Fluently)

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My self-summary
The Very Short Profile:
Pressed for time? Don't want to read a novel just yet? If you like what you see, send me a message and let me know. If you don't, how will I know you're interested?

Otherwise, if you're up for a novel and/or need something thorough for your evaluation, please read on and enjoy!

The Very Thorough Profile That Starts With a C++ "Script":
//:: wtop.c
//:: v17.41
//:: Self-summary
//:: 2014 Public Domain
//:: Created By: wilde-tiger
//:: Created On: 01/07/13
//:: Edited On: 17/04/14
#include phony.h

main ()

The Prelude:
"Get the fuck up, and get the fuck out. Get out from under the rock, meet a new friend per day so you'll never be alone. I don't care if it's an old ass granny at Tim's...just get out of the house. Life is about the experiences and relationships you build. Don't let it pass you by." -- Tommy

The Abridged Mission:
So that's basically it. I want to find a few people I can become very good and open friends with. Kind of like open source (software), I guess. In a way. Quality over quantity is my preference in this matter.

The "Star Trek" Metaphor:
It takes a great amount of dilithium to power shields that are constantly at full capacity (because my ship is always on red alert). I'm not sure I can sustain the power requirements in exchange for other important things that my crew needs.

The Parody:
Good friends, the eternal quest. These are the voyages of the USS Pink Scorpion. It's elusive journey: To seek out new good friends and have lots of FUN. To boldly do, what no friends have done before.

The Disclaimer:
My "I'm looking for" section is not set in stone. And, I don't really take match question as if they're the ultimate decision making tool.

However, "ogg123" is pretty close to being the ultimate tool. But, I tend to use "canberra-gtk-play" for my system sfx.

Now, if there are any questions you want answered, ask me. I can come across as unfriendly, but I'm always afraid someone will think I that I have rapist intentions or that I only want to bone them, if I were to be friendly.

It's like when I go to a store. If I'm going through the check-out, I'm not going to be like "Hey, how's it going?". Heaven forbid someone thinks it's a pick-up line.

It's starting to feel like I have to start my messages with either "Firstly, no, I don't actually want to fuck you." or "If you'll hang out with me for half an hour, I'll give you head in exchange and then I'll leave.". I'd throw in a ":(" at the end of this paragraph, but that's not professional. :)

The Spoiler:
There are many references to GNU/Linux contained herein. This may also include, but is not limited to *NIX, C++, Python, and "Star Trek". Processed in a facility that may also work with nuts, wheat, and/or milk.

The Thorough Disclosure:
-- Reasoning --
My malfunction, is as follows. After twenty five (25) years of playing video games ("full-time"), I've generally grown bored of them, unsurprisingly. I want to do all the shit that I've missed out on (which, as one may imagine, is a lot). Nice and simple. And generally like the *NIX philosophy. In a way.

-- A Promise --
I'm (probably) not going to sugar coat shit for you. That's not good for honest business.

I'm (probably) not going to bother with small talk. I can look out the window and see the local weather.

If I (initially) message you, it's going to be direct and to the point. I'm not going to give you some line of bullshit to make you like me. Starting off any kind of relationship with bullshit lies? That's not a solid foundation!

-- Childhood --
I know others probably had it worse.

But...I didn't rightly have a(n) (exceptionally) positive childhood or school experience. Instead, I had lots of mental and emotional abuse, and my self-esteem is lower than the mercury in winter (and I don't mean an English winter).

So I have a couple lingering issues. And I know not a lot of people like me, let alone stick around. But I'm trying to get over all that shit.

So, if I'm not very enthusiastic, it's nothing personal. I've likely just accepted my dismissal.

-- History of Friendship --
Lots of cobwebs here. But, once in a while, someone does stick around. Just not really in the past decade, give or take. But if they do, we have lots of fun.

-- Like Iron to The Earth --
I am an artist, and I have a habit of expressing myself in (a) manner(s) that disturb(s) a lot of people.

I mostly write all sorts of literature. Songs, parodies, burlesque, satire, eroticism (some ignorantly call it "filth" or "porn").

And in a way, everything I see, do, and touch, is art in one form or another.

-- Politics --
I don't really give a fuck. What more can I say?

I learned long ago not to get involved. It keeps me sane. I will say, I'm a very bad capitalist. Making money isn't my god, and nor is it my number one goal in life. There's more important shit in (my) life than the "almighty dollar".

-- Innocent Cast The First --
Once in a while, I make racist jokes, use derogatory slurs, talk shit, and enjoy crude humour.

And, even if in the spirit of good fun, some apparently, believe that it makes me an Imperial Wizard, Nazi, racist, asshole, and/or malaka. So whatever. *scoffs* Yeah, because I'm the only one that has! At least I can admit it.

-- If Nothing Else --
I'm not really shallow. Sure, I find a certain hair colour fascinating, but that doesn't mean I'm going to skip your message based on it. Can you guess my favourite hair colour?

I am shallow when it comes to celebrities. Hey, they got it coming!

And I'm not very picky when it comes to friends. I played a lot of "Final Fantasy, so I know friends come in unexpected ways.

And for anyone that might actually want to date, prepare to let cobwebs gather in your wallet. I'm low maintenance!

I mean sure, I have some preferences in the kinds of people I'd want to associate myself with, but I don't really think I give a shit though. Right now, I'd rather have people that genuinely want me in their life. Savvy?
return 0;
What I’m doing with my life
The Simple Goal:
I'm trying to do everything I never had time to do while video games was the Louis to my Lestat. Bonnie to my Clyde. Thelma to my Louise.

a.) A career:
A better and/or more stable income would be nice. So I'm working on becoming a career girl.

b.) Career Girl:
I'd rather not have to be a career girl late at night around Higgins and Main, but with the way it's going, I might just have to. That's not a joke.

But none the less, I must give a great big shout out to my benefactor. Thanks for everything, Wong Foo!

c.) That Which I Never Really Had:
New and benevolent experiences, along with a few very good friends. It could be interesting to actually date someone for once? I haven't many friends or life partners.

d.) GNU/Linux Prowess:
And of course, without further ado, I am gaining XP and power leveling. At least where my GNU/Linux prowess is concerned. Not to mentioned everything related in that field!
I’m really good at
I think I'm good at filing out online profiles. Unfortunately, I'm so good, apparently (or at least have honed my skill as such, or at least so I believe), that I end up making them so long, that I feel the need to purge it every couple weeks.

That is, until I have something else to do, or that I just no longer give a flying fuck about trying to impress people with a short and shitty "This is me!" list.

Overcoming Boredom:
I'm also very good at entertaining myself, at least where finding shit to do while one is waiting in a vehicle for hours on end for others is concerned.

I had a good solo career with video games. But I'm fucking tired of being by myself all the goddamned time. It'd be nice to talk to someone that I don't know so well. You know? Someone to braid hair and paint nails with!

Honesty Is The Best Policy:
I'm also a champ at not bullshitting people, and giving it to them like it is. I just don't do it often, since most people can't hack it.

I'm not saying I'm going to lie to you. I'm just not going to start out by telling you the super offensive jokes that I would tell my brother.

Lingering Trust Issues:
I'm rather good, apparently, at being generally unfriendly at first until someone grows on me. But then eventually, maybe I'll feel comfortable dropping the shields so you can beam on over to my bridge. Or, you could just ssh me.

I mean, who hasn't been hurt, right? Well, in one case, it ended up with a pair of detectives knocking on my door.

How Most People Apparently See Me:
Most people apparently think that I'm the biggest fucking asshole ever to grace (the) Earth. Even more so than Lt. Gorman ("Aliens", 1986).

Or, I guess there's something about my physicality that offends people, like the scars. So you know what, fuck it, whatever. Nothing new there then. There was one person who didn't mind the scars, or that I'm shorter than she is.

But, In The End:
Most of the time, all of this is just a self-exercise in typing anyway. Everything I pour out into these profiles, becomes an exercise in self-exploration (no, I don't mean masturbation).

When I dream up a new passage or whatever, I save the previous profile as a .txt file, and add it to all the others that I have archived as tarballs (mostly ".tar.gz" and ".tar.lzma"). What, me use ".zip" or ".rar"?

So, In The End:
Sit on it and swivel on it, Mavis Beacon. I learned to type the fun way. Forcibly in the dark while playing "Alien vs. Predator 2". And by writing up many an online self-summary.
The first things people usually notice about me
Some aren't as noticeable as others, but here goes:

a.) History of self-injury:
If you don't like it, you'll probably make like most people and take a fuckin' hike. Coupled with my main picture, you probably aren't even reading this anyway.

I know it's kind of harsh. But whatever. I can't make them disappear, and probably nor would I. There's no sense really in hanging out if it disturbs you, I guess.

But if there are more concerning things in your evaluation, please carry on and enjoy the read!

b.) Fruity:
So two apples and a banana walk into a bar...oh wait, I'd better lie...uh...I'm the epitome of manliness! The Village People wrote "Macho Man" about me! For real! Honest! *scoffs*

c.) Nail polish:
I'm sorry Madonna, but it's now "Like a Peacock". Why? Well why not? Why does the sun shine or do birds sing? Or you could just invent a reason.

d.) Makeup-donning:
Allow me to quote the great Brian Slade: "Why? Because rock and roll's a prostitute! It should be tarted up! Performed! The music is the mask, while I, in my chiffon and taff - well - varda the message!".

e.) Cross-dressing:
I really don't like that term, it's almost derogatory. What the fuck's the difference between jeans a denim skirt? They both get made in the same factory with the same sheet of denim.

But anyway, I'm not really fond of "men's" clothing because...well just look at it! Bleh! Boring and drab! Fuck yeah I like my skinny jeans that have sparkles and shit on the ass!

f.) Wimpy:
Wait, allow me to lie again. People seem to prefer lies. So, I'm like really big and strong! I'm like the splitting image of Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Conan the Barbarian". So since I'm totally a muscle bound hunk, you have no choice to date me!

Here's another one of those fun facts that most people don't like. If you're looking for a brute, well, sorry! There's a good chance, that if we have an arm wrestle, you'll either win or it'll be a very close tie. This applies to both boys and girls!

On the plus side, I could probably beat up a five year old for you if they grabbed your ass!

g.) Brutally honest:
I'm not in the habit of bullshitting the people that I like. I would expect friends to have the same courtesy. Don't hint around. Just tell me that I'm a fat prick. You know? It's not like I'd be shocked to find out.

h.) Hickesque:
I'm kind of a hick like Danny Percell ("Tour of Duty"). I like big tyres, not big rims. Drivin' through mud with my (imaginary) big ol' sedan equipped with mud tyres, kind of appeals to me.

i.) Blond. James Blond. Double Oh My God!:
The real kind. The kind where my colour comes from genetics, not a box. I know some people aren't fond of the "Aryan look", but again, there isn't much I can do.

j.) Facetious:
Apparently, it's true. Wait, should this be in the "First things people usually notice about me" section? I think a good example is "2.b)" in the "I'm really good at" section. And no, I don't work at Section One *winks at Michael and Nikita*.

k.) Ouya:
I love my Ouya. Even if it does kind of use proprietary software. Unlike my desktops, it's effectively pin-drop quiet, small, light, and apparently uses far less electricity. The Ouya does about 80% of what I would use a computer for, so it also doubles as a desktop (and laptop) computer for me. Of course, the proprietary parts concern me. But, I guess I can live with it, for now, because after all, it's still running the LInux kernel, it's still UNIX-like, and it is first and foremost a gaming console.

It's a shame I don't know anyone with an Ouya, besides myself. I love the simplicity of the design. The console is nice and easy to open. The controller is also easy to open and do repairs or adjustments. I recently had the displeasure to fix a Xbox One controller, whose buttons may or may not have been attacked by grape jelly. What a fuckin' nightmare! It made me appreciate the Ouya more. Not to mention, all the Ouya buttons are in the right places, as far as I'm concerned.

l.) GNU/Linux fanatic:
Up until about two years ago, unfortunately, I didn't know there were options beyond Microsoft's shitty fucking products. GNU/Linux does what I want, not what it wants me to do. For instance, when there are updates, it doesn't force me to leave my computer on while they install. Updates get done, when *I* fucking say so.

The computer turns off when I'm ready to, not when the fucking software is ready. With GNU/Linux, I can make *my* desktop look however the fuck *I* want it to. A "Star Trek" theme? You got it. "Star Trek" background. "Star Trek" font (Orca condensed). And, I have "Star Trek" audio clips that play when I log in or shutdown.

Of course, there are many other reasons of all sorts. But this isn't a rant. Unlike Captain Picard, I'm not the captain, nor am I entitled to ramble on about things people already know about.

m.) Poltergiest:
No, not the film. I'm talking about possessions. And no, not the demonic kind! The basic principle is, especially if you want to date, is that I own possessions, not people.

For instance, if we go to a restaurant, I'm not going to fucking order for you. You have a mouth and opinions. My restaraunt order doesn't start with "(S)he'll have a...". You'd be my life partner, not a fucking trophy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Telly and Film
I really only watch telly and/or movies when I'm really bored, so maybe a few hours a month, if that.

But, I am a sucker for Canadian media, first and foremost. But I do prefer media from the rest of the commonwealth (England, Australia, and New Zealand).

When it comes to shit from Hollywood, especially those shitty remakes, fuck that! Most of what Hollywood dishes out is shit. Most, not all. CGI blows!

Any tunes that sound good (to me) will do. Even the ones that talk about killing whitey.

Along with Western European cuisine, I'm known to enjoy some (Southeast) Asian (authentic and/or inspired) dishes.

I mostly only read my literature. I do read quite a few GNU/Linux man pages though so's I can better understand those command line options.

Wait, does man pages and CLI (Command Line Interface) text count as reading? I did read the GNU Manifesto recently. Once in a while I pick up a "real" book, however.

Other than that,
I won't make a list, in whole or in part. There's just something about making a list of favourites which I don't really have specifics to, that just doesn't feel right.

I suspect that if you were to really be interested, you probably shouldn't give a shit over myself having some/a (particular) favourite(s). Of course, you could ask? That's always a good conversation starter. I guess. Much easier than rubbing sticks together to start a fire, believe you me.

Having shit in common is good, but if we both like the same shit, how can we recommend (to each other) something we've both done, did, would, or do?
The six things I could never do without
GNU/Linux: $0.02
I did without it most of my life, but only because I didn't know there was an alternative to shitty fucking Microshaft Winblows. Ignorance in this case, wasn't bliss.

Good friends: $0.04
Gone without this one most of my life as well. Oh, I'm trying to rectify it!

Benevolence: $0.08
I like to think that the smallest act of benevolence, is better than any malevolence.

Mein groBmutter: $0.16
She's been there for my brother and I all our lives, and still is.

Like-minded individuals: $0.32
It helps when we believe in the same things and/or goals. Kind of like (one of the) idea(s) behind GNU/Linux. Some people I have talked to, have a strange idea of what this means.

Tea: $0.64
My taste buds tell me coffee is poison. I like orange pekoe with milk and honey. I also enjoy, now wait for it, because you know it's coming:

Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Caveat: $1.28
It's a tough call between tea, and (the/a) Ouya. But technically, (the/a) Ouya is implied by GNU/Linux, so...loopholes win again (/dev/loop, maybe?)!

Bonus: $2.56
*The Final Fantasy VII victory fanfare sounds off in the background (canberra-gtk-play, maybe?), party receives 16101854 XP, and a paperback copy of "The Picture of Dorian Gray"*

A note about GNU/Linux:
By GNU/Linux, I mean all and everything (that's not fouled by the hands, mind, or legacy of Steve Jobs and/or Bill Gates and) that runs the Linux kernel, or some version thereof (such as Linux-Libre), even if it's a toaster. No seriously. I seen that one video with the GNU/Linux toaster.

This includes, but is not limited to: GNU/Linux, GNU/Hurd, Android, Ouya, Lubuntu, gNewSense, SliTaz, VectorLinux, *NIX, et cetera.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
In no particular order:

How I oft have so many a thing on me mind, that it's not even funny. It's sad actually. I have a tendency to think way too much and I end up worse off than I would've otherwise.

Why it is, that I'm apparently the only one in Manitoba that owns an Ouya?

And, how hard can it be to find another GNU/Linux fanatic? Myself excluded, for what are obvious reasons, at least to me.

But, I do think about the future, for one thing. What will I see first?

Nuclear war?
Terran-made space ships?

(At least ships capable of going around the block as it were, in a respectable time frame.)

I wonder, if someone (myself excluded) ever actually read this profile in its entirety, would I drop a deuce? But in the off chance you have, do let me know!

Terry Fox. What a goddamned trooper! I wish I had that kind of spirit.

Free Mono, or Nimbus Mono? I'm serious!

Should I use .txt or .odt for my literature?

Captain Janeway, or Captain Picard? Well, maybe I don't spend a lot of time pondering it, but it's always there on the back burner.

And like, why is more fun to use gNewSense on a turn-of-the-century Pentium 3, than a more capable Pentium 4?

In the end, being able to customise each, respectively, with a "Jurassic Park", and a "Star Trek" theme, well shit. That just makes my day, to turn on the computer and hear an automated audio file telling me something like "Authorisation accepted. Accessing library computer data.". Far better than the standard, and annoying chime of some other operating systems.

I also wonder why Canada, for being a proud English colony, is (apparently, to me) becoming, and/or is, (so) Americanised. Like, if you're going to use "Canadian" English spelling that's half-American anyway, why bother? Might as well start spelling it "color". For shame!

And speaking of good ol' Canada eh, why is it, that every apocalypse and/or natural disaster film I've seen, America is going to hell on a silver platter, but up North in Canada:

Lumberjack A: Did you hear about millions dying down South from an incurable zombie virus, eh?
Lumberjack B: Ah, that's too bad eh? Let's just sit back, relax, and have another beer 'cause none of it ever happens up here, eh!

People are dying in America faster than when the Bubonic Plague hit, but North of border, it's business as usual! Well shit on me! Party on, eh!

All things regarding GNU/Linux. Simply put, if it doesn't run/use the Linux kernel (or variation thereof, such as Linux-libre), I don't need or want it.

This doesn't include people. Unless you're a cyborg!

I also like to contemplate...

a.) The words of Dr. Stallman.

b.) The evils of all/most things proprietary (software, hardware, and a few other things).

c.) And how I've been liberated from most of those evils and now use gNewSense full-time.

Using a regular GNU/Linux distribution was fun and everything, but it still just didn't feel right. Kind of like stealing from a children's charity. You know it's wrong. But it feels so good, and is too easy.

Not that I have much experience in the way of stealing from children's charities. I'm just taking a page out of "Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines".

Every time I see Mel Gibson (usually in a film of course!), I think of my dad.

Every time I see Kurt Cobain (usually in a music video, because I don't see dead people), I think to myself "What a goddamned shame.".

Michael "King of Pop" Jackson. I don't want to believe he's gone. Fuck's sake!

The Canadian Military. Seems that lots of people aren't aware that the good ol' USA wasn't the first country to join in on World War 2.
On a typical Friday night I am
doing the same shit we do every night, Pinky: try(ing) to take over the world through love, and the advocacy of free software over the evils of user-abusing proprietary software and/or operating system(s).

Friday night doesn't mean shit all to me. Everyday is effectively equal.

Given that, I'm trying to change the (near infinite) loop of boredom (I forgot the password for su, so I can't use umount). I've been encouraged to risk the constant heartbreak of people abusing me, so that perhaps I can find some people that really care.

I mean otherwise, I'm just fiddling with the GNU/Linux command line (interface), writing shell scripts, dabbling with C++ and Python, seeing what shit I can break, fix, and/or modify (where GNU/Linux, and/or the Ouya is concerned anyway), or to see what shit I can do or get away with, in respect to the software.

I also spend my days playing video games (or used to*), being a butler/maid, thinking, and looking for people that are very good and open friends material.

I guess I do all that since I've basically lived in a box my entire life. Much like Zimmerman (it's that, or call him "Doctor") for the first two seasons of "Star Trek: Voyager", I don't get out much.

Since I have so much free time since I'm not playing video games, I'm often braiding rope, walking to the river, or just looking at the walls. Such is my exciting life, hence my new quest to find some friends to do some shit with.

*I've gone from ~40 hours a week, to ~1 hour a week, if that.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
is that there is actually a lot of things.

Seeing as a lot of people don't like me anyway, and since at least one of the following is something I can't change, I figure it's better that you know before you invest a lot of time into me and decide that I'm not for you. That might explain why people seem to drop off the face of the Earth after about three messages.

So...I have a history of self-injury. If you don't like it, make like 9/10 people and take a hike. Harsh, yes! But I'm not going to cover up just because it offends someone. I can't make them magically disappear, and yet nor do I see anyone conforming to my visual standards.

And although this shouldn't affect a friendship, some may still not like it, but...I'm quite the effective little asexual. Of course, the caveat for today kiddies, is that it doesn't necessarily mean celibacy, it more or less means that I'm not too inclined about getting *myself* off. You know, if I like and trust someone enough...

And...I don't like "Star Wars" at all really, but Dr. Richard Stallman is like my Yoda.
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 25–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Make like a certain shoe company, and just do it! Or not. Just like the The Planeteers (Captain Planet and the Planeteers", 1990), the power is yours!

If you think we could be good friends, feel free to let me know. I'm kind of like clay these days. I'll be (almost) whatever you'd want me for (within a sane and legal reason of course!).

All you have to do, is send me a message and let me know what you'd be interested in. Simple as that. I like shit plain and to the point.

I've pretty much stopped messaging people (initially). I can't seem to find anyone that even wants to be friends. I don't know, maybe they all just think I want to bone them (come on, this isn't PoF!). Or, maybe few people are interested in my "type". *shrugs*


Feel free to send me a message if the thought has crossed your mind. Doesn't really matter why really. You know, maybe you're as bored as I am? Seriously, I don't get out much. Good thing I have an imagination.

Or, if you understand why the profile is so long. Or just want to guess.

*If* you read through everything so far, well shit, you must still be interested I would think. So then...that makes you obligated to send me a nice little message. Well, far's I'm concerned. I know I read someone's long profile in it's entirety because I was interested. So I would think the same applies.

While my "I'm looking for" section isn't set in stone, I believe it to be a sound decision at the moment. If you don't fit the bill, don't let it stop you. I like to think of myself as an equal opportunity employer.

But, definitely send a message my way if you think we could be very good friends? Or not. Hey, I'm *totally* thrilled to talk to myself and shit all the time. *gives a guilt-infused puppy dog look*

Alternatively, maybe you like GNU/Linux (perhaps even fanatically)? Me too! I also love my Ouya! So then send me a message (or not)! It'd be nice to know that I'm not the only GNU, Hurd, Linux, Android, Ouya, gNewSense, and/or FOSS (Free and Open Source) fanatic in the province, or within about five hundred (500) kilometres.

Of course, if you are a fanatic, ease me into it. Because, if I had a GNU/Linux fanatical friend (or just a regular friend), when I see it, I might just shit brix. And just like Patrick Star, I can't afford dry cleaning. Or Vaseline, for that matter. 'Cause believe you me, those brix hurt.

In the summer when my Ouya arrived, and I opened the box, I shat brix. I'm still healing. But on the plus side, I now have a cool pimp limp, so's that all the other fools know I'm gangsta. And what a timely coincidence. I just started making my wire coat hanger pimp cane, so I'm like totally ready.