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26 Brooklyn, NY Woman


I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 24–29
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Mar 25
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body type
Mostly anything
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English, Czech (Poorly), French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a scenic painter, living in Brooklyn.

I also work with an arts empowerment program, teaching theater at a Brooklyn high school. Those kids have definitely noticed by now that I only seem to own one pair of pants - because everything else I own is covered in paint.

I buy philodendrons and make messes and put a little vanilla extract in my eggs for french toast.

I used my grandpa's power drill from the 1930s until I finally bought myself a cordless this year, I'm still learning how to make fun of myself, and I have a second fridge for beer.

I devour mythologies, folklore, and the stories we tell ourselves.

I'd like to start boxing, but I recently pulled an abdominal in yoga, so that might be a little ambitious.

I dream extremely vividly, and every night.

Calvin and Hobbes are my muses.

If I owned my apartment, every wall would be covered in murals.

I untrain peoples' dogs when I play with them, and have the bruises to prove it. They're fun when they're rambunctious.

I love the smell of bonfire in my hair, especially after a night of skinny dipping. I come alive for the Perseids and bioluminescent dinoflagellates. I miss spending long weekends backpacking. I miss the woods. But I never learned how to hike for the journey instead of the destination -- I can't just do a daytrip loop. I have to have a campsite I'm hoofing it towards.

I furtively enter American Apparel once a month to snag a free copy of Vice magazine.

"I'm interested in the million tiny deaths that occur in everyday human interaction."
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I've been searching for a dream my entire life, and still haven't really found one. My tires have been squealing for years. I find myself forced to embrace that uncertainty - outswim the riptide horizontally a little longer, a little longer...

After three summers building and painting for summer stock theater, I've finally pointed the rudders at scenic painting and let loose.

I'm considering a summer bartending in Denali, I idolize spontaneity, and some day I might fulfill a lifelong pipe dream to scamper off to the wilderness somewhere and foster orphaned orangutans or timber wolves or polar bears or...
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.

Coming up with bad examples of good ideas.

Driving long distances without ever having to stop to pee.

Egyptian Rat Screw (+ the drinking game!)
Catchphrase and Taboo
Super Smash Brothers

Glass mosaicking. I gravitate toward art forms where I can take a skeleton and adhere my own choice of flesh and muscle to it.

I'll play basketball (and pool basketball!) or ultimate frisbee until my lungs collapse (which might be embarrassingly quickly).
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Fuck if I know...

I wear shorts in too-cold weather?

How I feel about whomever I'm talking to - my body and facial expressions have no filter.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I have a terrible time picking favorites.

What's buzzing around my brain right now (no bearing on life-long favorites here):

Music: I'll listen to just about everything, from Skrillex to Nina Simone. It's about pinpointing the mood, the moment, and the motion. A few: Red Hot Chili Peppers, Maroon 5, Dropkick Murphys, Modest Mouse, Motion City Soundtrack, Spoon, Decemberists, The Frames, Dispatch, Amanda Palmer, Of Monsters and Men...

Writers/Print: Watership Down = #1, I've reread it bajillions of times. I have three copies. The entire Calvin and Hobbes opus. Edmundson's Anna Karenina + The Clearing, Kundera's Identity, Calvino, Reza de Wet, Jeffrey McDaniel, Outlying Islands, After Mrs. Rochester, Terry Pratchett, Martin McDonagh ... And whenever I want to turn off my brain and coast, I'll reread the HP series or Dan Brown books until I atrophy.

TV: Friends - I watch that shit like it's background music. Walking Dead, Supernatural, True Blood (I want to slaughter the person who hooked me on that godawful show), Colbert + Stewart + Rachel Maddow, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (REMEMBER THAT SHOW??), Bones, NCIS, Fringe, Arrested Development, How I Met Your Mother. I really don't enjoy Big Bang Theory. Guys, it's not funny.

Movies: The Prestige, Live Free or Die Hard, The Dark Knight, The Dark Crystal, Perfume: Story of a Murderer, Hercules, The Lion King (I always wanted to be Shenzi), Emperor's New Groove, Incredibles, Princess Bride, Almost Famous, How To Train Your Dragon, Empire Records, Imagine Me and You...

Food: Pesto, bacon. Just discovered sushi. Eggs. Shrimp. Crunchy salty things. Pecorino romano. GRAPEFRUIT JUICE. Stove-popped popcorn with salt.

Drinks: Pale Ales and IPAs, Malbec, Bulleit or Knob Creek, Margaritas, never ever anything with Jager or Redbull. I love the T&C: three shots of Espolon tequlia + a Corona in a mason jar, with half a lime. Yuengling is the greatest cheap beer I've found.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Never is such a strong word.

Physical contact.
The ability to sing.
Adrenaline rushes.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The bottom of the ocean, the near future, unanswerable questions, what I should eat next, the unbelievable complexity of the human brain, the subjectivity of language and memory, reliving missed opportunities, if I should open another bottle of wine, if I need to put on clothes, if mankind has any chance in hell of lasting as long as the dinosaurs did, my privilege and the space my body takes up.

"I wanted to be the tree in the woods everyone could hear falling."

"I am a Fabulous Beast, and as such, I should only be glimpsed very rarely, through the forest, running away for dear life." - Marianne Faithfull on the set of Girl on a Motorcycle, 1968

"The earth is blue. How wonderful. It is amazing." - Yuri Gagarin to Ground Control, 1961

"From Birth, man carries the weight of gravity on his shoulders. He is bolted to Earth. But man has only to sink beneath the surface and he is free." - Jacques-Yves Cousteau

"'Hallo, Rabbit,' he said, 'Is that you?'
'Let's pretend it isn't,' said Rabbit, 'and see what happens.'" - A. A. Milne
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Typical? I've done a different thing every Friday for the last five years. Get a grip.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Because of how evocatively I dream, I ofttimes end up doing weird shit to people when I'm sleeping next to them them. Bright side, it's always hilarious the next morning when I explain my dream-reasoning.

I don't have any secrets. I still haven't found a question I wouldn't answer. Not having secrets is... lonely.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
[I don't respond to IMs. Seriously.]

Your instinct is to laugh.

You take off your shirt whenever Like A Prayer comes on.

You'd rather spell shit correctly than type it quickly.

You're still not totally on board with this online dating thing and would honestly much rather meet friends of friends a couple times and take a shot on someone lauded by your buddy, perhaps totally misjudge your sober compatibility, but at least not have such a lurking certainty that this artificial interface for 'meeting the love of your life' isn't much better than the traditional method: striking up a conversation with the attractive, clever fellow you're mashed up against at the bar as you wait for the bartender to notice your damned smile and bring you a third Sweet Action already, and then buying a round of shots for your friends, getting one for him too to keep him around for another few minutes, and using the alcohol buffer to hopefully charm him into exchanging numbers and meeting for hungover brunch at that fantastic cafe with the heaping portions of bacon. ... Actually, I should try that.


Do not message me if you have ever, ever in your life told a girl you've only just met on the subway at 4am that she has "the legs of a princess" and (after ten minutes of pretending to be Israeli and in the IDF and then switching to being from Belarus and faking a Russian accent) you proceeded to slap a heavy, possessive hand on her upper thigh. I had to watch this scene on a subway, and contrive a way to get the poor woman off the train safely, even though we'd never met. I don't give a flying fuck how high her platform pumps were, or how short her skirt was - if this is a method by which you pick up women, I want nothing to do with you. I have no interest in someone who would want to go home with a woman he met this way. Please. Do not send me a message. I am done fending off these messages. It is too soul crushing. Please. Skip me. I'm not interested. And you shouldn't be either.

Aspire to more.