So, I am in this little show by Tom Stoppard. Ever here of it? We opened last weekend to small houses and great praise (great for a TheatreWorks show that is). Everyone is enjoying themselves, even the critics. One thing that I thought a little strange though is that when our review came out online on the Memphis' Flyer website, the reviewer said nothing about the lead actors. Being Guildenstern, I was a little curious. Here's what Chris Davis had to say.

http://www.memphisflyer.com/TheaterBlog/archives/2009/04/23/somebodys-watching-rosencrantz-and-guildenstern-are-dead-is-pleasently-depressing

Considering the content of most reviews that I read by Mr. Davis, he was especially kind to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. Since I am in the productions, I can't be biased, but if you are in Memphis or very nearby I would love to see you in the audience. If you are any bit a theatre-going person, you'll enjoy this production.

OK, so I am the Big Stone in the University of Memphis' production of Eurydice. For those of you that are close enough I highly recommend coming to see it. Also, it is going to be one of the most produced plays in regional theatre this year, so you might be close enough to see it pretty much anywhere in the U.S. Sarah Ruhl, the playwright, takes the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice and tells it from Eurydice's point of view. I am a third of a chorus of stones that tries to enforce the rules of hell when this girl arrives and her father (who wasn't dipped properly in the river) tries to help her regain her memory.

I have to find out what a stone speaks like, moves like, etc. Which hasn't been easy. I am very good with making my body do things other people can't, but I have to be able to hold whatever this is for two hours a night for two months. What do you think a walking stone would look like? We had a very amazing movement professor come in and workshop with us last night, but I need to keep working to get it just right. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

I like to carry a deck of cards with me at all times. It’s not so much that I like to play cards; I just hate to be alone. Anytime I’m alone I get out the deck of cards and start to play solitaire. Next thing I know there’s some schmuck behind me telling be to move the red queen to the black king.

Usually I turn around and tell the guy to leave me alone.

In retrospect, the cards really don’t work out as well as I thought.

The odds in winning a game of solitaire played by the rules are somewhere in the neighborhood of fifteen to one against. Of course I wouldn’t know from experience. I usually start cheating halfway into the third game.

I don’t like to use my own jokes. I’m not funny enough. I steal most of my jokes from my friends. When you use someone else’s joke you know already how hard people are going to laugh.

Like this one, “Why’d the duck cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.”

That’s not my joke. But since I can’t remember who I stole it from, I might as well take the credit.

All comedians just steal jokes from their friends and string them together. It works out well until some guy says one of your jokes on T.V. After that you can’t use it anymore. Otherwise someone in the audience will let you know about it. “I saw that last week on Comedy Central.” “Yeah buddy? I stole it from my kid brother fours years ago.”

I’m an actor. It’s not something I usually tell people. But since I’m in college people like to ask me my major. I used to tell them, “Acting.” The first thing out of their mouth was always “What are you going to do with a degree in acting?”

“Act?”

I don’t tell people I major in acting anymore. If someone asks me my major I like to tell them “Fine Arts Performance.” No one has any idea what it means. It’s like saying “International Studies.” People just nod and assume that it must be good because they can’t figure out what it is.

One thing I love about acting is seeing what people on stage do when something goes wrong. I was in a fight scene once where I was supposed to club a guy in the head. I get ready to swing just like every night for the past two weeks and as I start to come forward the guy throws his head back and I really hit him in the back of the head with my club. Gave him a concussion. He was woozy the rest of the show. But every time he went on stage the rest of the night people thought he was a good actor. “Look at that guy. He’s still wobbling from the fight scene.” “Yeah. Its like someone really kicked the shit out of him.”

When something bad happens to you on stage it’s not as much fun. I had to harass a woman in Fiddler on the Roof, right before her romantic lead comes in to break it up. Well the guy forgot his cue and here I am next to this woman who’s 4’10” and 90lbs soaking wet. I had already backed her up to the edge of the stage. The next logical thing to do was to rape her. But it was a comedy so I stalled instead. Although I imagine the sex wouldn't be that bad.

(more to come another day)

I get bored on my days off when I am not working on a mask (I make character masks for performance). Sometimes I get only and answer some of the questions here on OKC. That's exactly what I did this afternoon and after answering my 1400th question I thought to myself "You know Doug, you haven't looked at your matches on OKC in a long time." So I set up the criteria for my search, Women interested in men anywhere in the world. Maybe not the best criteria to actually find someone (it isn't easy to get to Austria to meet that cute girl I talked to last week for example), but I am really just interested in seeing who my highest matches are. I wasn't surprised to see that most of my matches are a little older than I am, or that none of them live anywhere close to me (my ideals are far from the norm of my location). But I was very surprised to see that 60% of my top matches were bisexual. So I got to wondering what this meant. What factors in myself make me a good match for bisexual women? Or is that not it; maybe bisexual women are a good match for me, and not the other way around. I can't claim to know the statistics on bisexuality (without lying), but I don't think that 60% of women claim to be one.

Well, I think that you've already heard enough of my strange rambling. I think now is a good time to welcome comments to this post. I always enjoyed the near anonymous replies of an internet user. They seem a bit more honest. By the way, if you are curious about my mask making (see first sentence of post) I'd love to talk with you, or maybe make you a mask.

Doug