I spend time pretending I’m a kid again by playing sports in rec leagues around town. Right now is basketball. I play sports videogames online with my little cousins, mostly because there are few other ways to assert dominance over them from a few hundred miles away, which is important. Speaking of sports, like every guy ever, I play fantasy football. Fun fact: in one of my leagues, the loser’s only obligation to the rest of the league is that they have to re-take the SATs. Luckily, I have never come in last place, but I will, and I’m terrified.
I know lots of really unfunny jokes, and I always start telling them when I get drunk. I was awkwardly old when I found out cars with cruise control don’t drive themselves. I have a good memory, but can never remember anyone’s name until the thousandth time that I’ve met them. I hate mustard, and olives. I read magazines starting from the back, and can say the alphabet backwards (that concludes the backwards section of this introduction). I’m generally pretty handy in figuring things out, but coffeemakers are my kryptonite, they befuddle me.