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27 M Astoria, NY

My Details

Last Online
Today – 1:38pm
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from two-year college
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Why does everyone bitch about filling this thing out? Does everyone really hate themself so much that they can't write a few interesting sentences about themselves? I don't really comprehend many of the generic things peopled say on here like "I don't take myself too seriously"... but sure, why not? No one is sitting on here talking about their anger management issues, or their stint in drug rehab...(neither of those apply to me in case you were wondering)

When picking pictures I made sure to pick the following...

One of professional quality (a friend of mine is a photographer and wanted to shoot me for her postcard...I just laughed and drank beer the whole time)
One with a dog (Newton isn't mine but he is my only nephew, so if you are just here for the dog click along)
One at a wedding.
A few randoms including one in nature, one imitating an 90's safety photo, one sharing a men's bathroom with a teddy bear, and the essential formalwear picture...and lastly I couldn't find one of me staring into the distance in deep thought so I chose staring down a turkey's cliche of me.

Before I finish I should answer some questions about life and love so the "staff robot" can formulaically assign a percent to how much we should like each other.

At this point you've seen a still of me about to get to third base with a turkey, but you don't know my name...I'm Stuart by the way.

But in all reality. I live life to the fullest. I smile big, laugh hard and sometimes fall hard, but when I do I always jump back up. I don't understand people who have their "nice sneakers". Isn't the point of sneakers to live life in them. I have dress shoes to look nice, and sneakers to live life in. Granted my dress shoes also look like I've lived in them as well, but being my shoes is a hard job.

If you are still here you should probably scroll down to read more...the following questions (as you know because you did this too) are a little more specific.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to put a smiles on faces. I believe that is what life is about...but I don't think that was how I am supposed to answer this question.

I'm in a super transitional period in my life. I just finished a 5 year stint as the Production Coordinator for an event company that hosts dance competitions for kids across the USA. Basically I was that guy that had to fix anything...and I mean ANYTHING that went wrong. I think Delta Airlines hates me because of this. My duties ranged from loading semi trucks to being a human jungle gym.

After deciding I didn't want to live out of a suitcase my entire life, I managed a restaurant for a year, and just began working in guest services at a hotel in Manhattan.
I’m really good at
Clearly I'm good at making fun of myself...don't worry I'm just as good at making fun of you.

I'm really good at talking and listening. It amazes me how many people don't realize it takes mouths AND ears to have a conversation.

But back to what I'm really good at. Bowling (seriously), cooking holiday meals for friends, Baggo (cornhole as some call it), making myself laugh, making you laugh, not caring if I'm the only person in the room that laughs at my jokes and being accident prone.

I'm also an exceptionally gifted sleeper. I can sleep anywhere, at any time. Especially airplanes...I don't think I've gotten my free soda on a flight for years.
The first things people usually notice about me
I guess this depends...

If you hear me first, its probably my laugh.
If you see me first, its probably my hair or my smile.
If you smell me first, I hope it's not during a heat wave.

Someone recently told me the first thing they noticed about me was that gravity likes me. No idea what that means.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The VERY short list...

Books - Hunger Games, 1984, Enders Game, etc...

Movies - Clue...seriously the best movie ever...The SyFy original move Jersey Shore Shark Attack, etc...

Shows - The Amazing Race, Scandal, LOST, Greys, Modern Family, etc...

Music - I like most music...but I will always choose the stripped down acoustic version of any song.

Food - Pretty much anything! I'm allergic to peanuts, avocado and bananas. I don't really care for seafood or mushrooms.
The six things I could never do without
1. Family & Friends (same thing, some you are just stuck with)
2. Laughter
3. Hugs
4. Music
5. Black Coffee - preferably iced
6. I think I'm going to save number 6 for an emergency. Like if the oxygen mask comes down while I'm on a family/friends, laughter, hugs, music nor black coffee are going to do me any good. In that moment the oxygen mask will be my #6
I spend a lot of time thinking about
A lot of things...

Speedos are weird...unless you are in a race.

This whole masculine/feminine thing. I mean compared to Rue Paul I'm pretty masculine, but compared to Hulk Hogan or Leila Ali I'm a pussy. I like watching football, playing baseball, know my way around a tool box, and like hiking and that kind of stuff. I can't change my own oil (if I had a car) and if there is a mouse in the house I might stand on a chair. I just very recently learned that Manolo Blahniks are shoes in a game of Taboo and I had to Google Manolo Blahniks to find out how to spell it.

I REALLY want to learn how to play the that weird?

Soon to be - You?
On a typical Friday night I am
Who has typical Friday nights?

Not gonna lie you probably won't find me out at the club.

I'm more of a dive bar/beer/darts or cookout/board games/whiskey kind of guy.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Private, or Funny and Embarrassing? I'm gonna go with funny and embarrassing. I have a scar on my forehead because a coconut fell off a palm tree and knocked me out.

But also I drool a lot in my A LOT!
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like guys
  • Ages 23–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
-You can make the best out of any situation
-You want to find someone to live/learn/laugh through life with
-You can dive into any situation head first
-You can teach me how to parallel park...seriously I don't know how
-I will pick the "t-shirt and jeans" guy over the one trying really hard (almost) every time.

Oh and monogamy is VERY important to me...if that isn't your thing move along (seriously it's a deal breaker)