Well, given the decidedly mixed reviews (and generally poor
results) of my attempt at extended stream of consciousness humor on
Match.com, I have been advised by a blue-ribbon panel of experts
(read: several women I know who neither want to sleep with me nor
borrow money from me) to tone down the rapier wit and punch up the
responsible and contemplative side of my complex and multi-faceted
being. Apparently, while close to 99% of the women in our culture
claim to rate a sense of humor near the top of the list of
desirable traits in a partner, it’s more that pragmatic,
well-structured, six-figure income kind of humor made so popular
by… I don’t know, let’s say… the Pilgrims. So, fasten your
seatbelts, ladies, it’s going to be a bumpy night.
Your Mystery Date has had over 30 years of experience serving in the Richmond community as an attorney representing children and indigent families in the local Juvenile courts, as a Park Ranger with the National Park Service, as a museum curator, and as a lecturer and educator at many of the area’s schools and public libraries. He currently offers courses at local institution (whose initials form an anagram for the name of the sister city of Babylon in ancient Sumer) on a range of topics within the fields of American history and natural history, Constitutional law, and world military history. He owns a bookstore and plans to open a restaurant soon. Strangely, a search of his name on Google reveals none of these facts, but go ahead and try... you were going to, anyway.
An avid outdoorsman, he has traveled extensively throughout the historic and wilderness areas of the United States and has gotten lost only once. He is more than capable of stopping to ask for directions but contends that he seldom has the need. He has worked as a river guide for a local rafting company. One time he built a scale model of the colonial settlement at Jamestown using only popsicle sticks and library paste. He received a gold star for his effort. He worries now that perhaps he peaked a little too early in life.
A devoted family man, he swears that he would take a bullet for either of his children, but concedes “probably only one, maybe small caliber, in a fleshy, non-vital part of my body.” His teenaged daughter lives with him much of the time. She has taken over virtually ALL of the counter space in the upstairs bathroom, but is off to college at the end of the summer (*sigh*). His son is fully grown and self-supporting, but would it kill him to come over and help with the yardwork sometime? Geez. He cordially co-parents with his ex-wife, who hates it when he introduces her as "his baby's mama." He does this every chance he gets. His dog, Skye, is a cheerfully neurotic Border Collie who seems to adore the “Food Guy” for no other apparent reason. The cat, Mrs. Chippy, is the real brains behind the operation.
He thoroughly enjoys the game of baseball, but never loses sight of the fact that it is, after all, just a game. Really. He considers all other sports useful for keeping the mind active until Spring Training starts. He is an accomplished artist, photographer, and musician. He has a full head of his own black hair, on which he spends a ridiculous sum of money to highlight in grey, for that "distinguished" look. He has a Body Mass Index of 21.9, whatever the hell that means. He has a mouthful of his very own teeth, predominantly straight, with one really large "sweet" one. He can touch his nose with his tongue.
Is there anything else you'd like to know?
Your Mystery Date has had over 30 years of experience serving in the Richmond community as an attorney representing children and indigent families in the local Juvenile courts, as a Park Ranger with the National Park Service, as a museum curator, and as a lecturer and educator at many of the area’s schools and public libraries. He currently offers courses at local institution (whose initials form an anagram for the name of the sister city of Babylon in ancient Sumer) on a range of topics within the fields of American history and natural history, Constitutional law, and world military history. He owns a bookstore and plans to open a restaurant soon. Strangely, a search of his name on Google reveals none of these facts, but go ahead and try... you were going to, anyway.
An avid outdoorsman, he has traveled extensively throughout the historic and wilderness areas of the United States and has gotten lost only once. He is more than capable of stopping to ask for directions but contends that he seldom has the need. He has worked as a river guide for a local rafting company. One time he built a scale model of the colonial settlement at Jamestown using only popsicle sticks and library paste. He received a gold star for his effort. He worries now that perhaps he peaked a little too early in life.
A devoted family man, he swears that he would take a bullet for either of his children, but concedes “probably only one, maybe small caliber, in a fleshy, non-vital part of my body.” His teenaged daughter lives with him much of the time. She has taken over virtually ALL of the counter space in the upstairs bathroom, but is off to college at the end of the summer (*sigh*). His son is fully grown and self-supporting, but would it kill him to come over and help with the yardwork sometime? Geez. He cordially co-parents with his ex-wife, who hates it when he introduces her as "his baby's mama." He does this every chance he gets. His dog, Skye, is a cheerfully neurotic Border Collie who seems to adore the “Food Guy” for no other apparent reason. The cat, Mrs. Chippy, is the real brains behind the operation.
He thoroughly enjoys the game of baseball, but never loses sight of the fact that it is, after all, just a game. Really. He considers all other sports useful for keeping the mind active until Spring Training starts. He is an accomplished artist, photographer, and musician. He has a full head of his own black hair, on which he spends a ridiculous sum of money to highlight in grey, for that "distinguished" look. He has a Body Mass Index of 21.9, whatever the hell that means. He has a mouthful of his very own teeth, predominantly straight, with one really large "sweet" one. He can touch his nose with his tongue.
Is there anything else you'd like to know?
