I'm Eli, and I work for OkCupid. I've been playing music since I was 7, programming since I was 10, and when I was 20 I had a short-but-helmetless relationship with a telephone pole that ended with most of my face getting bolted back together with titanium plates. All of the pictures you see here are post-reconstruction: I have no facial scarring, but I am missing some teeth. They'll be replaced soon enough.

I don't set off metal detectors. I don't pick up AM radio stations. I do, however, have screws in my jaw that are quite visible when I pull my lip down. An xray photo of my skull is available on the About Us page: okcupid.com/about-us.html

My job is to teach the computers how "love" works. Seriously.

Also, being snarky.

I'm a computer geek, so I take well to math and science. I have a knack for fixing and building things. I love mental challenges and puzzles.

Languages fascinate me, but English is the only one with which I'm truly competent. Even still, I put it down as "Poorly" because there's lots of incorrect English that I enjoy. For instance, correct English makes basically no provisions for double modals, and yet "used to could" is still very expressive. I used to would get in trouble in school for writing a sentence like this.

My hair. This year, three people have told me that I look like Sethya Sai Baba. I don't see it.

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Ishmael, The Design of Everyday Things, most things Vonnegut, Neil Stephenson, Issac Asimov...

I had lots of music listed here, but it was getting excessive. My roommate and I have many many months worth of nonstop music. I usually put that on shuffle or listen to last.fm or pandora.

I eat lots of crazy food. I really love spicy stuff. I'm pretty sure it's because I lost my sense of smell. Lately Thai food is what's up. Some of the best Thai food on the planet comes from Holy Basil. I'm pretty sure either Chicken Basil or Pad Thai is my favorite dish ever.

UPDATE: Holy Basil is closed forever! :( :( :(

I'm fascinated by the age of the phrase, "there's nothing new under the sun."

What all of these people have in common.

Whether the phrase "brutally honest" describes more of an affinity for honesty or for brutality.

Whether there's still any novelty in running a "my adventures in online dating" blog.

Whether this essay is an effective or appropriate platform for passive aggressive judgment.

I have very low hopes for the upcoming return of Arrested Development. I'd love to be pleasantly surprised about this though!

If you want to get together and be nerdy and make stupid puns.