Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"Fiction is the truth inside the lie." - Stephen King
I'm a guy who writes stuff. Sometimes it's prescient, other times
it's drivel. I'm not sure where this qualifies, but I can venture
I can be reserved or outspoken depending on the situation. If I am
surrounded by a pack of rabid squirrels, I will be outspoken about
the fact that I would like to not be surrounded by a pack of rabid
I'm adopted, so I can't really elaborate on my heritage. But It's
probably something awesome. Like an Irish Jew. Matzah and guinness
I enjoy trying new things, but still always fall back on old
standbys (like sushi).
Sometimes I judge people (I'm looking at you, shirtless man in
I've done a good amount of acting, but none during my college
career, simply for lack of time. But I still love to perform and
find myself slipping into that sort of a mentality in social
situations on occasion.
I'm kind of neurotic. I really dislike people who press already lit
I don't plan things. Plans usually change, and spontaneity works
better anyway. If we go somewhere and I end up getting us killed,
they can read this at our conjoined funerals and laugh.
I rarely eat breakfast, despite constantly being told it's the most
important meal of the day. I will not be in the pocket of big
I could probably put down an entire box of fruit snacks in one
Movies are my thing. I was going to be a film major until I
realized "film major" and "waiter" are pretty much synonymous. So I
settle for screen writing and watching as much cinema as I
New book smell > old book smell.
I'm a rational guy. I will go on your ghost hunt and heckle the
shit out of you, possibly throwing peanuts at your head. Hopefully
that doesn't ruin an EVP recording.
I love scotch. Lack of wherewithal usually restricts me to blended
malts, but I'll go for a single every now and then.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I recently graduated from UW-Whitewater in the Communications
department with a print Journalism major and philosophy minor. As
you can see, I love dying professions.
Currently I do freelance writing for a celebrity gossip site. Ask
me about Justin Bieber.
I'm not sure what I plan to do, exactly. And I don't think anyone
ever is. The original plan was to work at a newspaper, but that's
looking less and less feasible. So possibly bounty hunting or
cotton candy vending. Or both. Simultaneously.
I'm a city person, and I'd love to move to New York (or anywhere on
the east coast, really. I'm quite fond of Maine.)
I'd also love to backpack the world without getting roofied by a
pack of Ugoslavian hipsters in a hostel closet.
My main goal will be to meet interesting people and have meaningful
experiences. But none of this will matter when the dead start to
rise in 2012 (COMMON KNOWLEDGE), in which case all of our lives
will be occupied by looting and arguing with each other.
UPDATE: There was not, in fact, a zombie apocalypse in 2012. I have
an entire room full of canned peas now, and nothing to do with
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I write. I don't know if it's good. It isn't really my place to
judge. Apparently I've been successful at making people laugh.
I've been told I'm a good actor, but it's been a while since that
failed Pamela Anderson TV pilot.
Building multinational corporations.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Snarkiness or my bionic, steam-powered leg.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Too many films to name here. Far too many. But a few favorites
include "Breakfast at Tiffany's," "Raiders of the Lost Ark," and "
Let the Right One In."
Television taste is equally diverse, but I love "Party Down" and
By way of books, I'm a big fan of Poe, Plath and Lovecraft. "The
Mosquito Coast," by Paul Theroux, is one of my favorite
Eclectic musical tastes. I mostly listen to classic rock, but will
admit to having a crush on Tori Amos since I was 12. Other
favorites: David Bowie, Eric Clapton, Paul McCartney, Liz Phair,
The Cranberries, Iggy Pop.
I also get on 30's and 40's kicks where I'll blast Lena Horne all
I enjoy all sorts of food, but especially ones that don't poison
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
4) Good Conversation
7) My flask
8) Adding excessive numbers to lists
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Existential things. Theology. Politics.
Then, other times things that aren't so important. The minutia of
every day life. Sex, social conventions I don't understand, and
things of that nature.
I also enjoy dissecting people's behavior. Like people who buy Axe
body spray. Or the guy who decided that there should be a
grapefruit flavored soda. Who are these people? What makes them
Also, schemes to save money on car insurance without switching to
Geico. There has to be a better way, goddamnit!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
There is no "typical" Friday night. I play it by ear.
So maybe a light dinner with the ghost of Steve Jobs or a rousing
game of poodle Scrabble, which is like regular Scrabble, but with
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I once tasted a schnozzberry that did not, in fact, taste like a
schnozzberry. Angry letters were composed.
Also, I'm scared of buffets and hotel room bedsheets. Irrational? I
don't think so.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
1) You're a ghostbuster. Because that's awesome.
2) You read this entire thing in Michael Caine's voice.
3) You want to choreograph a synchronized dance to 80's music and
perform it spontaneously inside a Sam's Club.
Please don't message me if you're a hoarder, as I don't want to die
beneath a pile of pizza boxes and cat bones.
Who are you looking for?
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