*Late October-ish update (2012): It may be time to disable my profile for a while. There are a lot of potentially interesting people out there (here), but I just don't have the time or energy or inclination to respond and meet new people online right now. I've also got a good semi-open relationship thing going with a pretty cool guy right now. We've been through a *lot* in the past year or so, and need to figure out what form our relationship will take going forward. With every challenge we've faced I discover more reasons to love him, besides learning a *lot* about myself.

I'm still tempted to leave this profile up, but it's seeming more and more like a distraction and a crutch for receiving attention when I'm not feeling like dealing with my life in process...

So, I'm going to make an effort to lurk here less, and be more present in my offline life. It still stands that if you see me out and about, do say hi :)

Status?: To Be Determined...

*September-ish update (2012): This profile is really turning into a strange chronicle of my dating life and relationship history. Re: poly - let me just say I've learned that unless you allow true vulnerability and strive towards authenticity in your relationship(s), what you thought was great communication may just turn out to be so many pretty words about what you *wish* were true. Have my experiences over the last year soured me on poly and open relationships? Not necessarily. These life lessons can be applied to *any* relationship. I'm still not sure what relationship structure is right for me and my current relationship is still in process and always going through revisions. I can't even begin to adequately express how much I've learned. I've pushed so many boundaries and faced so many fears and come through it all with a better (and ever-evolving) sense of self as well as a deeply heartfelt appreciation for and gratitude towards those true friends, new and old, that I've been lucky enough to make and keep. Despite dealing with significant pain and heartache on the "poly family" end, I wouldn't change the past year for anything.

*August-ish update (2011): Despite my answers to related questions on this site indicating trepidation toward such things, I've somehow stumbled smack dab into the middle of a polyamorous relationship. O.o Turns out it's easier to have a part-time boyfriend when he's already married, hahahaha... It's been an eye-opening experience to say the least! Being a complete n00b at the poly thing, I keep waiting to start feeling weirded out by everything, but so far I've encountered nothing but amazingly selfless people, great communication on a level I never thought possible and a welcoming, supportive family. In other words, damn this Kool-Aid is tasty! ;)

*June-ish update: For the first time in a while, I'm just not feeling the online dating thing much right now, so it's doubtful I'll respond to any messages. I'm still interested in meeting people, but I'm focusing more on going out and being social in the offline world (omg!), and am not feeling motivated enough to keep up the online thing at the same time. So, if you see me out and about, please say hi, even if you've messaged me and I haven't responded :)*

Disclaimer #1:

I'm mostly still window-shopping right now since I'm trying to focus on things other than dating. However, feel free to message me if you have the most points. If you're interested in a date, I usually just rate people I might be interested in highly on the Quickmatch thingy. No-risk screening for interest at its finest since "I like you. Do you like me? Check yes or no" notes in middle school, hahaha.

Disclaimer #2: *However,* I do seem to have developed an addiction to just rating people on Quickmatch and then not having the energy/motivation to respond to the resulting messages... This usually has nothing to do with the person (i.e. YOU) who has messaged me. It's more that I'm currently exploring more of the offline opportunities that have presented themselves in my life recently, and sometimes the thought of spending lots of time writing messages back and forth here makes my head hurt, no matter how interesting and/or attractive the person in question seems. I also sit in front of a computer all day and can't really bear to do the same thing in the evenings or on the weekends. So, if you happen to see me out and about (and not obviously on a date, haha), *please* do introduce yourself and say that you saw me here. You'll have much more luck that way at this point in time. Also, as you're reading my maze of a profile (if you can make it through, hahaha), keep in mind that I do know that I'm full of contradictions :)

And now, on to the main course:

I originally moved from the mountains of Western NC to go to UNC, and have transitioned into a Carrboro/Chapel Hill (and sometimes Durham) townie. I've been going through a seemingly never-ending transitional phase as I figure out what *doesn't* make me happy and search for what *does* make me happy. I've eliminated a few things, but it seems like the pool of choices is ever deeper. For a while, I was content to just relax and have fun, but now I'm feeling that urge to do something more... and I'm trying to learn to be comfortable with uncertainty.

Often, I feel like this.

I've got a great love of music, art, intellectual pursuits, and not-so-intellectual pursuits. I appreciate language and try to use it well. I'm open-minded and insist upon the same in others. I've got a fine tuned sense of irony/sarcasm.

Likes: Fake mustaches. Random silliness. Breeziness. Glow-in-the-dark stars and planets on ceilings. Flowers. Trees. 70 degree sunny days. Sincerity. Argyle. Kneesocks. Argyle kneesocks. Glow bowling. Cool nights when it feels like the wind is caressing your skin as it then moves on through the trees, rustling the leaves.

Dislikes: Mushrooms. Automatic flushing toilets. Humidity. Horrible spelling. Cocky bastards. Condescension. Drama and those who cause and/or wallow in it. People who use the word "should" too much when referring to my life.

I am awkward, sarcastic, and a master of karate and friendship for everyone.

Doing more of this.

Also, figuring IT all out. Yes, all of IT. I expect to be nearing completion of this task within... say... the next 20 years or so. Gotta have a deadline, right?

Other than figuring it all out, I spend my time working an office job doing random tedious processing tasks (Just got hired on as a permanent employee! Woo health insurance!!) as well as a part time job at an adult store (yes, the employee discount is awesome), paying the bills, trying to get my motivation back for running (March update - Went for a trail run last weekend and signed up for the Great Human Race at the end of the month, yay!), pondering starting to play my cello again (Feb 2011 update - just spent 45 min playing/practicing for the first time in at least 4 years!), and just generally trying to improve myself as much as possible. Re: Jobs and contributing to the world - I've got an interdisciplinary degree in environmental advocacy/communication, and I really do want to get back into some of those issues again, but perhaps in a more in-the-field sort of way. However, I'm more than a bit wary of the extra skooling and subsequent increase in debt that may require... Jan/Feb 2011 update: I signed up to volunteer at a wildlife center that does training for raptor handling! So far, I've learned that Eastern Screech Owls can look a lot like Gizmo from the Gremlins...

I'm also seriously missing my now out-of-state friendos, some of whom include seepays, ScorpySuit, callmepartario and jennstar (You can certainly learn a bit more about what I'm like by seeing what my friends are like, right?)

Being non-judgmental and making people feel comfortable talking about sensitive subjects.

Making too many parenthetical references (like this one) when writing.

That I'm silently judging them*. Which is almost never the case. I'm probably just being awkwardly quiet. I may or may not have tripped over something and/or knocked something over. Or maybe it's that I look people in the eye when we're talking.**

*I could also be determining their potential prowess for the Battle Royale I may or may not be scheming.
**While silently judging them

Books: Too many to list... but I'm always reading one or more at any given time. I've always been a book nerd because I love accumulating knowledge and broadening my horizons. I tend to like books that win various literary awards, and I always feel self-conscious if I'm reading a copy of a book that was published *after* the movie version was made. Off the top of my head, some favorites have included The Time Traveller's Wife, Anansi Boys, Middlesex, Stephen King's Dark Tower series and Watership Down. I still haven't made time to finish The Ethical Slut. Instead, I've succumbed to my inner nerd and started re-reading George R.R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire series so I can read the newest one that finally came out recently. Pleeease don't die before finishing the series, George...

Movies: Again, too many to list, but here are some of them: Lost in Translation, In the Mood for Love, John Hughes/brat pack/80's teen movies, Wet Hot American Summer, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Edward Scissorhands, Rushmore, Fargo, 28 Days Later, Shaun of the Dead, other zombie movies, Donnie Darko, The Royal Tenenbaums, Empire of the Sun, Airplane, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new and old, but mostly old), Office Space, Stranger Than Fiction, Watership Down (apparently, I always really want to go back to the warren, >.< ), and a lot more. I'll usually watch most anything, including (especially) cheesy disaster movies.

Teevee shows: I don't have cable or even a real TV, so I don't always keep up with the current episode of any given show, but some of the shows I've enjoyed watching in the past or more currently on the internets are: Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Six Feet Under, Home Movies, Invader Zim, Doctor Who, Farscape, Dexter, Twin Peaks, Strangers with Candy, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Freaks and Geeks, The IT Crowd, the Misfits

Music: Here's a non-exhaustive list of favorites: the Arcade Fire, Metric, Cursive, Des Ark, DeVotchKa, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, the Good Life, Modest Mouse, MIA, Johnny Cash, Iron & Wine, the Magnetic Fields, Blonde Redhead, Neutral Milk Hotel, Ladytron, MGMT, Portishead, New Order, Outkast, the Beta Band, Smashing Pumpkins, NIN, the Pixies, the Faint, Tori Amos, the Flaming Lips, Tegan and Sara, Weezer, the Violent Femmes, the Postal Service, the Talking heads, the Decemberists, Julian Casablancas, Bowerbirds, Ratatat, Rogue Wave, Spoon, the xx, embarrassing stuff with a good beat that I can run and/or booty dance to, random songs I hear on WKNC or somafm.com stations that I immediately have to download, and lots lots more. I also have a sneaking suspicion that I really really like dubstep... but I don't know enough about electronic music to really assert that! Update: I've had Kanye/Jay Z's Watch the Throne in my car CD player for weeks now...

Food: Indian, Italian, Chinese, Mexican, asparagus, mangoes, strawberries from the farmer's market, avocados, goat cheese, cheesecake, pretty much anything with cheese, other things that aren't good for me (this is is why I need to get back into the running habit). I've had a lot of PB&Js, eggs, soup, and spaghetti recently, as I've been trying to not eat out as much and I rarely have the patience or time to really cook much.

Something to read, trees, companionship, sleep, humor and your mom.

Going back to the warren (I need to understand this is an
unacceptable action!!!). What I want to do with my life. What if
this isn't the right choice? What I need to do today. How to bring
out more of the person I know is inside of me. How to cultivate
happiness and fulfillment. Why relationships and love are so
complicated/confusing/painful. Where all my money goes. How to
start doing something I love *and* get paid for it. How I managed
to be running late for work *again*. How I should really keep in
touch with my friends better. What book I should read next. Reasons
I should *not* skip working out or running. How long I can
procrastinate washing my dishes. Did I set my alarm correctly?
First-world problems, mostly.

Also: Don't Panic

Also: That's what she said.

Also: Everybody Panic!!1

1. Drinking wine and/or beer and hanging out with friends. Sometimes dance parties are involved. But sometimes, I don't feel like dancin', no sir, no dancin' today.

2. Working at the Bidness (secret code name!), and wishing I were hanging out with friends.

3. Getting my freak on. This usually involves dressing up in a corset and checking out a steampunk and/or fetish event. (By the by, if you've stumbled upon my profile on FL, but decide to message me here, please do identify yourself as a fellow freak, m'kay?)

4. Drinking wine and/or beer and watching dorky tv shows online that I'm addicted to.

5. Reading a book or doing laundry and hanging out with the kitties like the nerd I am.

6. Who the hell knows?

I carry a titanium spork with me at all times. (Ok, this used to be absolutely true, but I've been slacking since I stopped carrying an enormous messenger bag everywhere... Now where's that damned spork?)

Also, I'm a bit kinky. But that has nothing to do with the spork, I promise.

Also also, I'm really one of those annoying "bi-curious" women. I know I'm sexually attracted to some women, but am not sure if that attraction would translate fully into an emotional relationship. Just kinda casting about to see what happens.

Also also also, remember all that stuff I wrote above about what I'm doing with my life? Scratch that. Just found my [brother's] original gameboy, still in working order. With Tetris. Hellz yeah, bitches!

- Honestly, you probably shouldn't contact me right now. I have too much going on in my life and am still not making enough time for myself. However, if you insist, you can contact me if:

- You can recommend good post-apocalyptic fiction for me to read (or send me the pirated e-book files!)

- You understand and appreciate that fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go 'round.

- You can write something other than "Hey, how was ur day?" That's not exactly a conversation starter, you know? Also, txt speak ("Hay grrl U R so pretty n I want 2 get 2 kno U!") will get you *nowhere* with me (i.e. message instantly deleted) unless it's obviously ironic.

- You don't have a MySpace-esque shirtless mirror photo on your profile.

- You can suggest something concrete that you'd like to do as far as hanging out. Ex. I see that you like such and such band and they're playing a show in another week or so. Would you like to meet up for drinks and then check out the show?

- You're ok with just hanging out casually for now. (This does not necessarily mean a green light for casual sex!) I'll go out on a date here or there (more than one person for the foreseeable future rather than being exclusive with anyone in particular), but as far as committed romantic relationships are concerned, I don't have a lot of free time to dedicate to them at the moment. I've got a lot going on and am trying to really focus on moving towards cultivating more happiness in my day to day life and future. One of the things I've realized lately is that having a core group of friends with varying personalities and interests and a good social support network is a large part of what makes me happy. However, I can be really bad at maintaining those relationships, especially since I've spent the last couple of years working way too much, worrying about money, and navigating a confusing romantic relationship. I want to work on creating a better balance so I don't let the stressful stuff overwhelm me so much.

Now that I've made myself seem so attractive (ha!), here's a bit about what I look for in other people:

I appreciate people who are laid back (but not too passive), open, honest, kind, empathetic and sincerely care about improving themselves and genuinely connecting with others. I get along best with people who have a sarcastic/ironic/weird sense of humor that can also transform into pure silliness at times. If you can't at least appreciate that, we definitely won't get along.

Also, I just can't deal with passively quiet guys right now. I need more take-charge/ not-afraid-to-make-the-first-move / no-bullshit sorts of people in my life right now. If we do meet up and I'm not feeling a connection for whatever reason, I'll try to let you know as soon as possible, and I expect the same in return.

If you can convince me to get the hell out of my house and take part in fun (and preferably free) activities, you get extra points. What I've been missing since a bunch of my good friends moved away is people who like to just hang out at each others' houses, watch ridiculous tv shows, ingest socially lubricating substances, listen to music, go to movies, go to some cool events/places (Burlesque shows! Art museums! Rock quarries!), throw a party here and there, bullshit about life, the universe, and everything, and have the occasional random adventure.

Oh yeah, sometimes I'm on AIM as wuzzzzle (yeah, 4 z's). If I don't answer, don't be too offended, as I've probably wandered off or am watching a movie or something. If you *do* message me, though, please say something other than, "Hey." Maybe even identify yourself as being from OkC and let me know your name on here? Back in 1996 on AOL or ICQ I was up for chatting with random unidentified people, but I don't have as much time on my hands these days :)