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30 Alameda, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 26–34
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
5' 10" (1.78m)
Body Type
Not at all
Post grad
Doesn’t have kids
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat), Chinese (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
ESCAPED from recent captivity in Ohio by way of Nordland. A reserved and occasionally abrasive Polish-American. Identifiable by seemingly extraterrestrial green eyes and a wardrobe stolen from Megadeth's tour bus in the mid-1980s. He may also be heard making jokes in obscenely poor taste. Slow to anger, but slow to forgive. A four-year stretch in solitary as a neurological test subject at Yale known to have done nothing to improve his demeanor, to say nothing of the subsequent three-year vivisection at Stanford. Armed with dangerously socialist ideas about sharing, an arsenal of V-shaped guitars/basses, and a wildly streaky jumpshot.

WARNING as he is considered not only armed and dangerous, but also unfit for human consumption, or genteel conversation. While he does not partake of alcohol or drugs (para nada), he is particularly menacing under the influence of iced tea.

REWARD for his capture or information leading thereto can be collected from the Hague (novelty photo with Serb or Croat war criminal of your choosing), Planned Parenthood (reproductive health services on a sliding scale), and Hermann Göring (various unique collectibles). He may try to convince you that the pleasure of his company is worth far more than these paltry trinkets, but who wouldn't want an objet d'art from der Reichsmarschall?

REPORT any sightings of this villein to Number 2, the Green Dome.

What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Black Metal Attorney and Situationist.

I bury acorns in anticipation of the looming collapse which I'll smugly remind everyone I knew was coming as we are reduced to burning trash and drinking from the Bay... likely while obnoxiously finger-tapping solos and palm muting every rhythm part.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Not serving in heaven, pursuing indoor pursuits outdoors, moving furniture, and blaming the Germans.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Unfadeable orgone accumulation.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Scriveners: Frank Herbert, Rushdie, Dostoevsky, Gogol, Tolkien, Orwell, Wodehouse, Philip Dick, Shakespeare, Jonathan Spence, Ayesha Jalal, Edward Said, Romila Thapar, Muzaffar Alam, Slavoj Zizek.

Repast: Ethiopian, Lebanese, Sichuan, Japanese. Lentils. Fruit.

Auteurs: Kurosawa, Wajda, Tarantino, Pasolini, Kobayashi, Suzuki, Kieslowski, Guest, Argento.

Skalds: Iron Maiden, Darkthrone, Danzig, Mozart, Ensemble Micrologus, Morbid Angel, GISM, Venom, Blind Guardian, Burzum, Black Sabbath, Rainbow, Billy Bragg, Fifteen, Wintersun, Mercyful Fate, Absu, Turbonegro, Coroner, Watain, Bach, Bathory, Johnny Cash, Amebix, Erich Zann.

Box: The Prisoner, Doctor Who, Star Trek TNG, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Blackadder, Jeeves and Wooster, Iron Chef (Nippon), Coupling, Battlestar Galactica, Blake's 7, Poirot.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
New Balance running shoes
Denim cut-off vest
Gibson Flying V
Norsk Arisk Black Metal
FC Barça
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Among other things:
neutrinos, photons, and just what exactly CERN thinks it is doing
the harmony overdubs on "Somewhere in Time"
the Devil and Ivan Fyodorovich
in Polish "tak" means "yes," and "kat" means "executioner"
Bronze Age Collapse
annexing the Sudetenland.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
id quod sum.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Lindisfarne, 793.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
*walk upright and have opposable thumbs;
*are Emma Peel;
*suspect the workers may just have nothing to lose but their chains;
*practice necromancy;
*enjoy severe, severe Slavs;
*have a strong opinion on whether the opening riff from "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" is better than the opening riff from "Into the Void";
*hail from Catalunya and have the heart of a Carles Puyol... but the looks of really anyone except Carles Puyol;
*can credibly explain to me how light can simultaneously possess the properties of both a wave and a particle;
*remember a time when there were two Germanies, but only one Yugoslavia;
*or, have any idea what I've been saying here.

Seriously though, opposable thumbs are a must, simians, dolphins, and invertebrates need not bother.