***SPACE AUTHORITY BULLETIN***
RECAPTURED in Oakland, California (August, 2012) after eight years on the run and returned to Ohio to serve out the remainder of his sentence, to late 2013: A reserved and occasionally abrasive Polish-American. Identifiable by seemingly extraterrestrial green eyes and a wardrobe stolen from Megadeth's tour bus in the mid-1980s. He may also be heard making jokes in obscenely poor taste. Slow to anger, but slow to forgive. A four-year stretch in solitary as a neurological test subject at Yale known to have done nothing to improve his demeanor, to say nothing of the subsequent three-year vivisection at Stanford. Armed with dangerously socialist ideas about sharing, an arsenal of V-shaped guitars/basses, and a wildly streaky jumpshot.

WARNING as he is considered not only armed and dangerous, but also unfit for human consumption, or genteel conversation. While he does not partake of alcohol or drugs (para nada), he is particularly menacing under the influence of iced tea.

REWARD for his capture or information leading thereto can be collected from the Hague (novelty photo with Serb or Croat war criminal of your choosing), Planned Parenthood (reproductive health services on a sliding scale), and Hermann Göring (various unique collectibles). He may try to convince you that the pleasure of his company is worth far more than these paltry trinkets, but who wouldn't want an objet d'art from der Reichsmarschall?

REPORT any sightings of this villain to the nearest BBC film crew.

***TRANSMISSION ENDS***

Greasing the wheels of federal justice, such as it is. Soon to enter Union-side Labor Law in the hope of one day being made General Counsel for the Worldwide Socialist Uprising (LLC). Either that, or fleeing the States to seek asylum in Catalunya... if Spain remains solvent.

Preparing for the near future with a crumbling social order and total dearth of petroleum.

Frontman, stuntman, and chief stage banterer for the Midwest's (self-proclaimed) preeminent VENOM cover band.

Cooking okra, ignoring danger warnings at archaeological sites, moving furniture, finding any excuse to do indoor things outdoors, and blaming the Germans.

Unfadeable orgone accumulation.

Scriveners: Frank Herbert, Rushdie, Dostoevsky, Gogol, Tolkien, Orwell, Wodehouse, Philip Dick, Shakespeare, Jonathan Spence, Ayesha Jalal, Edward Said, Romila Thapar, Muzaffar Alam, Slavoj Zizek.

Repast: Ethiopian, Lebanese, Sichuan, Japanese. Lentils. Fruit.

Auteurs: Kurosawa, Wajda, Tarantino, Pasolini, Kobayashi, Suzuki, Kieslowski, Guest, Argento.

Skalds: Iron Maiden, Darkthrone, Danzig, Mozart, Ensemble Micrologus, Morbid Angel, Venom, Blind Guardian, Burzum, Black Sabbath, Rainbow, Billy Bragg, Fifteen, Wintersun, Mercyful Fate, Turbonegro, Coroner, Bach, Bathory, NWA, Johnny Cash, Amebix.

Box: The Prisoner, Doctor Who, Star Trek TNG, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Blackadder, Jeeves and Wooster, Iron Chef (Nippon), Coupling, Battlestar Galactica, Blake's 7, Poirot.

New Balance running shoes
Denim cut-off vest
Aviators
Gibson Flying V
Norsk Arisk Black Metal
FC Barça

Among other things:
neutrinos, photons, and just what exactly CERN thinks it is doing
the harmony overdubs on "Somewhere in Time"
the Devil and Ivan Fyodorovich
in Polish "tak" means "yes," and "kat" means "executioner"
Bronze Age Collapse
annexing the Sudetenland.

id quod sum.

Lindisfarne, 793.

you...
*walk upright and have opposable thumbs;
*are Emma Peel;
*suspect the workers may just have nothing to lose but their chains;
*practice necromancy;
*enjoy severe, severe Slavs;
*have a strong opinion on whether the opening riff from "Sabbath Bloody Sabbath" is better than the opening riff from "Into the Void";
*hail from Catalunya and have the heart of a Carles Puyol... but the looks of really anyone except Carles Puyol;
*can credibly explain to me how light can simultaneously possess the properties of both a wave and a particle;
*remember a time when there were two Germanys, but only one Yugoslavia;
*or, have any idea what I've been saying here.

Seriously though, opposable thumbs are a must, simians, dolphins, and invertebrates need not bother.