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42 M Bellingham, WA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 9:31pm
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Libra, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Sales / Marketing
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I have a Liberal Arts degree so I'm destined to be poor unless I win the lottery, and since I minored in math I'm unable to justify playing the lottery because of the statistics involved, so I'm pretty much fucked.

I don't want to go camping, and I'm pretty sure everyone here has camping listed as mandatory, so now the statistics are really against me. Don't get me wrong, I love nature and really like exploring the woods and watching water do watery things, and feeding raccoons...

Side story: when I was in grad school, I went camping with this guy James and his wife, and the raccoons came sniffing around, and I wanted to feed them but James insisted that this was some sort of camping faux pas, and he argued that by feeding them I was encouraging them to come back and trust humans. I argued that the only reason I went camping was to hang out with cool animals and that their presence indicated that they'd already been fed and had grown accustomed to humans so it's not as if I was going to single-handedly ruin them. After much debate, I decided that James was a cruel animal-hating bastard and I fed the raccoons anyway. So now James hates me but raccoons love me. For the record, James was also infuriated that I employed slant-rhyme in my improv poetry around the campfire. He also accused me of stealing his Led Zeppelin CD. I'm not a fan of James.

I could go for renting a cabin that's conveniently located near camping, and walk around in the forest as if I was camping, and feed the raccoons who don't really care if I'm camping as long as I'm willing to share my s'mores and/or pre-packaged Little Debbie Blueberry Mini-Muffins with them.

But actual camping... Firstly, I don't smell very good after a day or two without a shower even when I'm at home, let alone after carrying 200 pounds of backpack around for miles in the forest and setting up enormous townhome style tents and wheezing afterward into an air mattress, then digging a pit and gathering twigs and brush and trying to start a fire with that little circle of tedious rocks around it that's supposed to prevent forest fires, all the while dousing myself with Deepwoods Off and Avon Skin-So-Soft in an attempt to deter the 14,000 mosquitoes that seem to have taken up camping long before me and have clearly been fed before since they're utterly at home with seeking out humans for food.

(There are 2 questions on this site about "if you could kill all the mosquitoes in the world instantly, would you?" and a 3rd question about "in a certain light, wouldn't nuclear war be exciting?" I initially answered no to all three, but now I'm a little excited at the combination...)

And as for the enormous townhome style tents, that's just how I roll. If I'm going to be grubby and stinky and itchy, the last thing I want to do is cram myself into a tiny confined space afterward. So I'm thinking a pavilion, with an open bar and giant speakers to play music and some bug-zapper lights for disco balls. Jello shots for the raccoons and deer and squirrels and the occasional bobcat who is no doubt also glad to finally find a mosquito-free zone.

So yeah, maybe hold off on the camping reservations.

I do enjoy walks in the woods, but I refer to them as walks or adventures instead of hikes because hiking sounds dangerously close to camping.

I like the idea of curling up in a tent and snuggling up with someone warm, but not when I'm all grubby and covered in the aforementioned anti-mosuito products. I'd much rather buy a tent and set it up in my living room, then curl up with someone warm and cozy, unzip the tent and watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart while eating a bag of Twizzlers and knowing that the microwave is much better at preventing forest fires than any tedious rock-circles.

Anyway, this is probably 160 characters so the site should be willing to accept my profile now :)
What I’m doing with my life
I had my dream job and gave it up to move here to be near my kids. Now I work to put steaks in the fridge and I'm perfectly happy with that. By 'steaks' I'm actually referring to Chicken Nuggets and Otter Pops.
I’m really good at
Words With Friends
The first things people usually notice about me
Apparently my ultra hotness. The OKCupidBot just informed me that I'm really hot, and based on my attractiveness I'll get to see the most attractive people in my match searches first. This is based on a photo of a raccoon, so I'm really not sure how to handle all this flattery. But I guess the first thing on my agenda is to find some good mascara and black eyeliner.
The six things I could never do without
1. Ocean Spray Cranberry-Pomegranate Juice. I read somewhere that pomegranates are great anti-oxidants and I read somewhere else that anti-oxidants are supposed to be good for me. It says on the label, "no high fructose corn syrup" which is supposed to be the most chaotically evil substance (citation unconfirmed) ever invented. Also, the back of the bottle has an inspirational story about "there have been five generations of family members growing cranberries since 1890. Since then, every family member has been told to follow their heart, whether it's on the bog or off. And everyone's come back to cranberries." I never knew that cranberries grew in bogs, so that was fun to learn. And I'm guessing that none of these family members' hearts are in cranberries. They came back for the money. But here's the really deceptive thing. Let's look at the ingredients of my Cran-Pomegranate Juice: water, cane or beet sugar, grape juice, cranberry juice, pomegranate juice, etc. So this is really just sugar-water and grape-cran juice with a little bit of pomegranate. What a scam. But it's yummy, even if I'm getting shafted on life-saving anti-oxidants.

2. Coffee. (I think this counteracts the miniscule pomegranate-based anti-oxidants)

3. Something to write or type on.

4. Someone who doesn't mind all these words.

5. My kids (daughter 8, son 10, they're with me two or three days per week and they're not little monsters. Very intelligent, laid-back and cool.)

6. Someone to resonate with, who puts a spring in my step and helps bring out the best parts of me, whose best is brought out by me... to love and be loved, to complement, to dance elliptically with, in orbit.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Toxoplasmosis. Toxoplasma Gondii is an intriguing parasitic disease. I use this as an excuse not to change my cat litter. If there was a question on here that asked "How often do you change your cat litter?" people would answer things like "two or more times per day" but really, nobody actually does that. People scoop litter every 2 or 3 days, once a week, when they run out of air freshener, or when the heaps of clumping litter start to look like a Stonehenge replica. What really happens, is people rush around to scoop litter when someone is coming over to visit.

Anyway, toxoplasmosis has some really neat possibilities with things like parasitic mind control and behavioral modifications in the host. Infected rodents that become attracted to the scent of cat urine, infected humans veering off the road into telephone poles. Wicked cool stuff.

This may also be a good time to mention that I have a cat named Smoochy. If that's a dealbreaker, sorry I waited until the end of the profile to mention it. In my defense, my kids named her Smokey but Smokey is a boy cat name (and she's a she-cat, not a he-cat) and usually reserved for gray colored cats (which she is not) so I call her Smoochy. And no, I don't say it in a badass manly voice.
On a typical Friday night I am
Playing with Barbie dolls (and Ken, and all those cool little barbie puppies), Plants vs. Zombies, weird cartoons on Netflix, building robots to do cool things (like chasing, capturing, and shooting projectiles at the cats), fun happy kid-time.
I’m looking for
  • Straight girls only
  • Ages 35–51
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating
You should message me if
You live nearby (within about 10 miles) and got that question "Stale is to Steal" correct. If you're a little open-minded, with the capacity to love and to be loved, if you have pet raccoons, not allergic to cats, can find the good in the here-and-now, know the lyrics to that "queen of the waves" song from Barbie and a Mermaid Tale, want to eat cows and chickens together, are bored...