Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Under New Management!
Take advantage of our new lowered standards!
I really like to eat and laugh mostly.
The Stay-Pufft Matshmallow Man is my spirit animal.
Homer Simpson is my Golden Idol.
Eris, Greek Goddess of confusion and discord is my Diety.
I'm basically the list of side effects you would get in the matrix
by taking half of the red pill and half of the blue pill.
Ok here's the deal. I live in Ridgewood, Queens and work in lower
Manhattan, at night. It's ruining my social life. I spend a lot of
my time cooking or preparing food so I don't have to buy lunch in
the financial district. These days a lot of salads, smoothies and
juices, and Sichuan pepper stir fry. Trying to avoid gluten.
Although I did get on my bike and go check out Ramen Lab recently
(no longer there) during my lunch hour and thank Eris I did.
My ideal lady would understand my sense of humor (it's dark yet
clever) dig that I like to spend Sunday reading in bed and drinking
coffee and playing video games or seeing a movie. Now that it's
spring go for bike ride adventures. I just bought a sweet new bike.
Or car adventures. For some reason I have a car. I also spend a lot
of time playing pinball (I'm in a league) and outside I like
frisbee and badminton a lot.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work as an Xray technician at a hospital. Yes I have gross
stories. No I don't have any stories about mysterious things being
stuck in rectums. Can't we all be glad about that? Okay I might be
a little disappointed. Only a little.
Seriously I see a lot of gross stuff. You can't possibly gross me
out. Yes that's a dare.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Reading, pinball, making dinner, coconut rice crispy treats, yoyo
tricks, popcorn made in a not microwave, being funny once you start
to see my absurd side. Mostly awkward before that.
Also random trivia, focused knowledge, and being totally jealous of
my cat which I deal with by taking slow motion videos of him being
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
A vast array of physical deformities and malodies. Usually the
smell is the first thing. It gets pretty bad as I am allergic to
both clean water & towels. I have been using the same bath
water for 8 months.
Then of course the Parkinson's disease, or the Parallel Parkinson's
disease, or the Valet Parkinson's disease if you should see me
driving my Bluth Company stair car with all the hop-ons. The wild
unkept beard with a small bird living in it stands out, as does the
family haircut. The flea-ridden poncho I won in a fight with a
stray 3-legged dog, the I'm with clumsy T-shirt. I'm carrying a
dog-eared copy of A Confederacy of Dunces. All the scars on my face
from smallpox, polio, chickenpox, shingles, Ebola, eczema and the
knife fights I get into. I suffer from hot tub foot, droopy
eyelids, tennis forearm, loose hair and jungle scrotum. Recently i
was self-diagnosed with eratic eye, rum knuckles, tennis fist and
static cling eyelashes. And of course the hook hand, the hook
thumb, the eyepatch, the earpatch and the mole. The mole you can
see, not the one under the mole patch. I usually carry a "The End
Is Nigh" sign and wear tissue box shoes. And I'm towing jars of my
saved urine in my Radio Flyer red wagon, at least until I can get a
ride on the Spruce Moose.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I started out my reading year with Infinite Jest and it's now among
my favorite books. Also read Pervert- A Love Story by Jerry Stahl
and now I'm reading Con Men (it's about con men) and that's
nonfiction and The Killing Floor which is fiction. It's a Jack
Reacher Novel. Kinda trashy but fun. And I'm also reading You Don't
Know Me But You Don't Like Me which is about the bands Phish (I'm
not a fan) and Insaine Clown Posse (again, not really a fan) and
its passable as a book.
Now I just started Neal Stephenson's new book, Seveneves. Which
I've now finished. Now reading The Martain and OG Dad, Stahl's new
book. I went and saw him speak recently.
Are you convinced I like books yet? William Gibson is, I figure, my
I love movies too!
Food, yeah I can cook AND eat.
For music I've been listening to old Hip Hop Yacht Rock mixes from
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My Titanium Spork
But I would give them all up, for a few more.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I shot a man in Reno once but I didn't stick around to see how it
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Washing my hair.
Once that's settled I might be at Moe's for a beer, or drinks at
the Reagle Beagle, or dancing at the Hip Joint, maybe listening to
a live Mouse Rat set at the Snake Hole, getting trashed at Paddy's
Pub, perhaps a frozen banana at The Big Yellow Joint, maybe a bite
at Club Obi Wan and then hopefully the antidote, maybe drop a few
quarters into Zantar. See Zantar is a gelatinous cube that eats
warrior chieftains in a medieval village. I just can't seem to get
to the next level no matter how many quarters I pump into it. After
that late night waffles at J.J.'s diner, if I didn't already get a
frozen banana at Bluth's Banana Stand.
More likely I'll just make a pillow fort and read sci-fi novels
under sheets with a flashlight.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I was on an episode of Kitchen Nightmares. I waited on Gordon
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I can only imagine how the quality of my life would improve if I
knew the answer to this question.
I work evenings, and my weekend is Sunday-Monday. So it would help
if you are a night owl, or have a strange schedule or want to brave
the most awful night of the week, Saturday. I'm into movies
Sunday's and comedy Monday's, when I'm not playing pinball for
Normally I get off work at 11:30
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