A vast array of physical deformities and malodies. Usually the
smell is the first thing. It gets pretty bad as I am allergic to
both clean water & towels. I have been using the same bath
water for 8 months.
Then of course the Parkinson's disease, or the Parallel Parkinson's
disease, or the Valet Parkinson's disease if you should see me
driving my Bluth Company stair car with all the hop-ons. The wild
unkept beard with a small bird living in it stands out, as does the
family haircut. The flea-ridden poncho I won in a fight with a
stray 3-legged dog, the I'm with clumsy T-shirt. I'm carrying a
dog-eared copy of A Confederacy of Dunces. All the scars on my face
from smallpox, polio, chickenpox, shingles, Ebola, eczema and the
knife fights I get into. I suffer from hot tub foot, droopy
eyelids, tennis forearm, loose hair and jungle scrotum. Recently i
was self-diagnosed with eratic eye, rum knuckles, tennis fist and
static cling eyelashes. And of course the hook hand, the hook
thumb, the eyepatch, the earpatch and the mole. The mole you can
see, not the one under the mole patch. I usually carry a "The End
Is Nigh" sign and wear tissue box shoes. And I'm towing jars of my
saved urine in my Radio Flyer red wagon, at least until I can get a
ride on the Spruce Moose.
Oh and Ebola was on that list BEFORE it was cool. Take that,
hipsters. Word IS virus.