You should definitely NOT message me before reading AT LEAST the last two sections of my profile. I will be repeating this out of necessity.

Some people seem to think that I won't notice that they've completely disregarded the massive amount of text here. I know, it's a lot of words, but if there is too much for you to comprehend, go away. If you read it, yet still feel the need to send me a message to tell me how beautiful you think I am in the hopes that I will fawn over you, please, go the fuck away. No, I don't want to come to your house, strange man. Seriously.

I'm not usually a bitch (honest!) but evidently there are an inordinate amount of rude, idiotic, or otherwise defective people here who want to make me annoyed and angry. Please don't! I want to love you!

Let's be friends!

Guys (and select Gals*), the latter two sections of my profile are pertinent to our successful communication. For those of you who are too lazy to scroll down to the bottom to read the sections titled "I'm looking for" and "You should message me if": I'm not looking for you, so please save yourself the trouble and don't message me, no 'if's'. All others, take note: I am available but I am not single. To be clear, I have a boyfriend. I do not need another one. If you are a bio man, with a penis, the theoretical capability to grow a beard, unwavering heterosexuality, and a burning desire to date/bed me, sorry, no can do. Sad face. Any questions? Feel free to ask (but first, check the FAQs)! Think you might be an exception? By all means, try me.

FAQ:
Q. What are you looking for on OKCupid?
A. I'm not looking, I'm loitering.

I'm strange. I just saved you the three minutes (tops) that it would take for you to figure that out on your own accord.

All my life I've thought of myself as shy, even introverted. I consider myself laid-back, aside from almost constantly having anxiety about something or another. I've never felt like part of a crowd; always overwhelmed by it instead. A friend of mine told me that on the contrary, I can be quite intense. I hope she didn't mean 'scary'.

I'm easily distracted, especially by kitties and brightly colored plants. I'm largely drawn to quirky people and silly things. I'm kind of a big kid, minus the big part.

I just learned that I am a 4w3, if that means anything to you.

I work in in-home care part time. I'm also an artist, and a small time jewelry maker, for fun (and sometimes profit! sweet!).

I like (read: need) having time to plant, paint, sing, write, bake and frolic.

I plan on going back to college for landscaping/horticulture because plants are sexy.

http://youtu.be/Sj0Ha7Xkw7Y

Always questioning everything all the time...

Everything, all at the same time.

Wearing out my welcome.

Plants.

Puzzles.

Making lists.

Being a space cadet.

Cooking food.

Eating food.

Cooking food and eating it.

My tiny stature.

How enticing I evidently am and their irresistible urge to make a beeline directly for me, with or without good reason.

If I were a planet, I would be Pluto (R.I.P.) except with the gravitational pull of the Sun.

I've been avoiding this section like.. like I don't know what. There are just so many THINGS.

I like reading autobiographies by interesting (e.g. mentally ill) people, horror, comedy, books movies are made about/vice versa and anything that enthralls me so much that I miss my stop on BART.

In similar fashion, I like to watch movies about interesting people, horror, comedy, and yada yada yada. Some movies I love, for those of you who absolutely need a list: Anchorman; Eraserhead; Girl, Interrupted; Half Baked; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; House of 1000 Corpses; The Labyrinth. Apparently, I like 'weird' movies.

Shows: Firefly; Misfits; Wilfred; Once Upon a Time; Sliders; American Horror Story; Modern Family; Bob's Burgers; Revenge; etc. Do I watch too much TV? Maybe

Music: this - http://youtu.be/ZHc4FcCetv0
and this - http://youtu.be/jxC2XLePDWQ
and this, too - http://youtu.be/0IlPlKBXRHE
and so much more

Food: Sushi, Indian, Ethiopian, Mediterranean.. If it has potatoes or cheese, or is spicy I will probably eat it.

Pure. Adrenaline.

Why news is hardly ever good news.

Semantics.

Plants.

What I said, what I didn't say, and what I should've said.

What I wanted to say, but didn't.

What I was going to say, but forgot.

Cooking food.

Eating food.

Cooking food and eating it.

Weed.

http://youtu.be/FzqNpOqjx6M

Wasted, hopefully.

(Not really.)

...is that I have issues. Yes, me and you and everyone else. I recognise this fact, and realize that despite all my indignation, pride or anger, sometimes I'm wrong. I do bad things, immoral things; I recognise that sometimes, when bad things happen, it is my fault. Then I apologize, because I realize that I still need to work on myself, just like you and everybody else.

So, I'm still working on myself. Today specifically (that is, Sunday, July 29, 2012), my intent is to acknowledge my feelings, allow myself to embrace the positive ones, and nullify the negative ones with this mantra in mind: Keep Calm, and Carry On.

How does one quell jealousy? Sometimes it eats me up inside, but (and?) I'm conscious of it; I have a strong desire to analyze and defeat this issue, because it often interferes with other desires and fantasies that I have. I become hypocritical, though not ignorantly so - I am aware of all of this - what I feel I sometimes lack is control.

This section, a small insight into my deepest spaces, is a work in progress, just like I am a work in progress.

you've taken note that I am not single, and it doesn't faze you.
! This doesn't mean I will be your unicorn. I will not. Select Gals*, that means you and your husband will need to look elsewhere. Good luck!

the urge strikes you, and you can keep it platonic. I don't want to go on a date with you.

You're a pretty lady (I might want to go on a date with you).

You love plants and want to talk to me about gardening and such. If you want to teach me a thing or two, I'm all ears. Or eyes. Whatever.

You love food, and want to bake, cook, throw a dinner party together, have a potluck, etc.

You want to be my newest non-creepy smoke buddy. Yay!

We already know each other. If you don't say hello, honestly, it's just creepy... I mean, c'mon.
*I've already caught four people doing this. Stop it.*

You DO like horror movies. What is up with this website and people on it actively disliking horror movies?

You want to play dress-up.

Just chilling, smoking some 420 and watching TV/movies/playing board or card games (with me, obviously) sounds appealing to you.

Some other really amazing excuse.

Overtly sexual or degrading messages will be met with virulence, and quite possibly balls of fire. Or you'll just be ignored.