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35 Brooklyn, NY Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 9:45pm
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Atheism, and laughing about it
Graduated from university
Likes dogs and has cats
English, LISP (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Update: So I no longer work at okcupid. No hard feelings, was just time to go. So, since it's impossible to change usernames, and since I, like everyone who's ever asked to change a username, have no desire to re-answer 600+ questions, my username is now, and will always be, a lie.

Update: I was wrong. My username is now entirely accurate.

Yes, I can still regale you with the weird tales of human nature to which OkCupid employees are privy, but they will fall increasingly out of date after March 19th, 2010.

Catch the latest.
God's Not Dead: A Film Student's Review
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to learn violin again. Basically because I ran out of interesting TV shows.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Lotsa stuff. Especially bass. If bass was a competition, I would totally kick your ass.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I look like David Bowie, circa 1973.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I once went on a date with this girl. I was unemployed, broke, killing time, freshly dropped in brooklyn with neither hope nor prayer, and this unimpressed and surprisingly short girl invites me to see a band after I send her an email on myspace, despite her strict warning not to message her on myspace. Anyway, without expectations, I head down and it turns out we're an hour early for the music. So it's a summer evening, and we go to drink whiskey and smoke cigarettes and chat each other up for a while.

Four hours later we've missed the band and haven't left the bar. I can say, without a doubt, this was the best date I'd ever had, and this girl was basically girl-me. Sadly, despite my affable cool during the date, I immediately blew it, probably because I'd just gotten out of a two year relationship and was, as mentioned above, unemployed, and had nothing much to do besides pine after a random stranger. So she smelled the puppy-esque desperation and headed south for the winter.

But on that date, she played me Strange Religion by Mark Lanegan. Even now, after all the associations with that first and only date faded away, this song takes me a little bit out of the day, and puts me in a sentimental fantasy of delicate romance in a vicious world.

I also like AC/DC.

Update 2015: I usually read and watch a variety of things, but for some reason, I've been on a sci-fi bender for about three years. Like, several hundred books and nothing left to see on Netflix. I boot up amazon once a week fully intending to buy some hard-hitting investigative journalism illuminating a complex social problem weighing on the minds of our children, but I end up with three more sci-fi books and the fading hope that at least one of them will have a decent grasp of quantum mechanics and not just use it as an excuse for magic but not magic because quantum something or stuff see it's totally science.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
"Testing something again"
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
This was an edit by someone. There was no way I was letting the actual edits go public, but I thought I'd do them the honor of actually changing the content.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Drinking. This doesn't really set Friday apart from other nights.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I wrote two books detailing the times my life strategies went nuclear and explaining my innermost fears and neuroses, so there's not much left to admit. Also, you should go buy them, and if you like the second one, drop a review, because the reviews on it look like I paid my cousin a root beer to shill for me:

And Then I Thought I Was a Fish
Observations of a Straight White Male with No Interesting Fetishes

One thing that's not in them is I discovered, at 33, that I get occasional bouts of sexsomnia, which sounds like something made up by a rape apologist on a CNN OctoCast, but turns out is a real thing that is even worse than it sounds: for no reason and with no trigger I understand, I might get sexually aggressive in my sleep. Alarmingly aggressive. A good shove will make me go away, but figuring out what was happening demystified a lot of formerly mystifying awkwardness. These days, if there's someone in my bed who's not down for sexytime, I sleep on the couch, because once or twice a year, I literally can't control myself.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I would say don't message me if you have a complaint about the site, but you will. I know you will. So go for it. Also message me if you meet all of the following requirements:


+ are perfectly self-confident
+ are effortlessly humble
+ are different from other people in this particular respect: you don't go around pointing out how different and unique you are every 20 minutes.
+ work out
+ have a PhD
+ play violin
+ and trumpet
+ model for victoria's secret
+ are at least 5 years older than I am
+ look at least 5 years younger
+ have cooked at a five star restaurant
+ have mastered kung-fu
+ are willing to watch kung-fu
+ fight crime on weekdays
+ in tight leather outfits (like Catwoman tight)
+ are rich
+ want me to lie around your house or apartment all day in a towel