Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Update: So I no longer work at okcupid. No hard feelings, was just
time to go. So, since it's impossible to change usernames, and
since I, like everyone who's ever asked to change a username, have
no desire to re-answer 600+ questions, my username is now, and will
always be, a lie.
Update: I was wrong. My username is now entirely accurate.
Yes, I can still regale you with the weird tales of human nature to
which OkCupid employees are privy, but they will fall increasingly
out of date after March 19th, 2010.
Catch the latest.
God's Not Dead: A Film Student's Review
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to learn violin again. Basically because I ran out of
interesting TV shows.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Lotsa stuff. Especially bass. If bass was a competition, I would
totally kick your ass.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I look like David Bowie, circa 1973.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I once went on a date with this girl. I was unemployed, broke,
killing time, freshly dropped in brooklyn with neither hope nor
prayer, and this unimpressed and surprisingly short girl invites me
to see a band after I send her an email on myspace, despite her
strict warning not to message her on myspace. Anyway, without
expectations, I head down and it turns out we're an hour early for
the music. So it's a summer evening, and we go to drink whiskey and
smoke cigarettes and chat each other up for a while.
Four hours later we've missed the band and haven't left the bar. I
can say, without a doubt, this was the best date I'd ever had, and
this girl was basically girl-me. Sadly, despite my affable cool
during the date, I immediately blew it, probably because I'd just
gotten out of a two year relationship and was, as mentioned above,
unemployed, and had nothing much to do besides pine after a random
stranger. So she smelled the puppy-esque desperation and headed
south for the winter.
But on that date, she played me Strange Religion by Mark Lanegan.
Even now, after all the associations with that first and only date
faded away, this song takes me a little bit out of the day, and
puts me in a sentimental fantasy of delicate romance in a vicious
I also like AC/DC.
Update 2015: I usually read and watch a variety of things, but for
some reason, I've been on a sci-fi bender for about three years.
Like, several hundred books and nothing left to see on Netflix. I
boot up amazon once a week fully intending to buy some hard-hitting
investigative journalism illuminating a complex social problem
weighing on the minds of our children, but I end up with three more
sci-fi books and the fading hope that at least one of them will
have a decent grasp of quantum mechanics and not just use it as an
excuse for magic but not magic because quantum something or stuff
see it's totally science.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
"Testing something again"
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
This was an edit by someone. There was no way I was letting the
actual edits go public, but I thought I'd do them the honor of
actually changing the content.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Drinking. This doesn't really set Friday apart from other nights.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I wrote two books detailing the times my life strategies went
nuclear and explaining my innermost fears and neuroses, so there's
not much left to admit. Also, you should go buy them, and if you
like the second one, drop a review, because the reviews on it look
like I paid my cousin a root beer to shill for me:
Then I Thought I Was a Fish
Observations of a Straight White Male with No Interesting
One thing that's not in them is I discovered, at 33, that I get
occasional bouts of sexsomnia, which sounds like something made up
by a rape apologist on a CNN OctoCast, but turns out is a real
thing that is even worse than it sounds: for no reason and with no
trigger I understand, I might get sexually aggressive in my sleep.
Alarmingly aggressive. A good shove will make me go away, but
figuring out what was happening demystified a lot of formerly
mystifying awkwardness. These days, if there's someone in my bed
who's not down for sexytime, I sleep on the couch, because once or
twice a year, I literally can't control myself.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I would say don't message me if you have a complaint about the
site, but you will. I know you will. So go for it. Also message me
if you meet all of the following requirements:
+ are perfectly self-confident
+ are effortlessly humble
+ are different from other people in this particular respect: you
don't go around pointing out how different and unique you are every
+ work out
+ have a PhD
+ play violin
+ and trumpet
+ model for victoria's secret
+ are at least 5 years older than I am
+ look at least 5 years younger
+ have cooked at a five star restaurant
+ have mastered kung-fu
+ are willing to watch kung-fu
+ fight crime on weekdays
+ in tight leather outfits (like Catwoman tight)
+ are rich
+ want me to lie around your house or apartment all day in a towel
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.