Addicted to internet kittens because my body rejects their kisses IRL. Tried to make it big and famous in Lala land, but failed miserably due to my lack of a personality, so decided to drown my sorrows and waste my money on rent in SF. Originally a southerner - and yes - I'm oozing with charm.
What I’m doing with my life
As with anyone poaching 30 and slowly accepting their inevitable mortality, I'm starting to have my mid-life crisis with an uncontrollable desire and urge to purchase a Porsche. But since I can't afford one, I'll invest in a delicious sandwich instead - with tons of booze included, of course. That validates me, right?
I’m really good at
Debating how many layers of clothes is acceptable to wear to meet strange men from the internet, so if we end up in an impromptu game of strip poker in a back alley of Chinatown I'm guaranteed to win - almost certainly.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I read too much musings about the world (internet cats included) and what's going on in various industries - it's boring and tiresome, yet I'm addicted to it. Talk sexy to me and tell me your preferred news aggregator.
As for movies, a ridiculous one I enjoy is Zoolander. And yes, I have an official countdown for the sequel's release. You're camping out a week in advance for the premiere with me, right?!? That's true love. I also like sci-fi movies because you can never go wrong with scandalous aliens, politician zombies and free-thinking robots.
I don't watch TV. Ok, that's a lie. I'm actually in a polyamorous relationship with Netflix, HBO, SyFy, Food Network and a few others that shall not be named 'cuz dey b mah side hos.'
Music: I'll dance to it if it has a beat and if I know the lyrics, you've been forewarned and just move back because shit's about to get real!
Food: I eat it all, 'nuff said. Andrew Zimmern is my hero. Let's get weird and feed each other oddities of the world. I love cooking, but not the best baker - go figure.
The six things I could never do without
-Finding myself in ridiculous situations because of the company I keep - I really do hate people
-Cats fitting into things they shouldn't/can't and making fun of them for it
-Forcing and interjecting myself into stranger's conversations
-To Catch a Predator reruns
-Pandora's indie dance station
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Mario Kart strategies in the real world - I have no shame and would totally blue shell you. All's fair in love and war.
Or, how I can sneak into The Battery and pretend to live the privileged life while dressed in last year's Halloween outfit without being asked to leave the premise and treated with the utmost respect - no snickering, staffers. If you can make this dream a reality, I promise you my first born (which actually might be OUR first born - say whuuuuuuut (smooth huh?)).
On a typical Friday night I am
Let's get real - you're gonna find me yodeling old and tired out karaoke songs at your local hot spot - yes, YOUR local hot spot. I can't promise you won't be embarrassed by me, but it'll be memorable (well, that's if you aren't a handle of booze in - then you're on your own). Journey anyone?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I gleefully accepted a Valentine's dinner date to the Waffle House. Nothing says romance like crispy hash browns and oozing sunny side up eggs in the shape of a heart after a few 40s.
Side note, I used ¨oozing¨ twice in my profile without any allusions to filthy sex or giggling. Surefire signs I'm a real adult.
You should message me if
You like to dance around in your underwear.
Or, as an icebreaker, feel free to pick any of the following questions to answer:
1. On average, how many times a week do you hurt yourself trying to dance in the shower?
2. What did you do the night Whitney Houston died?
3. How many friendships have you ruined because you refused to play a game of Monopoly mercifully?
4. How many seconds would it take you to eat an entire block of cheese?
5. What do you think cats dream about?
6. What was your first AOL screen name?